


Hele Norge Baker

by MermaidsandMermen (SophiaSoames)



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Advent Calendar 2018, Alternate Universe - Children, Fluff, Hele Norge Baker, M/M, No gingerbread houses were harmed in the making of this fic, Smut, There will be baking, alternative universe, and Evak endgame of course, totally occ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-02 19:55:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 61,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16793704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaSoames/pseuds/MermaidsandMermen
Summary: Are you brave enough to stay? Or strong enough to walk away?Isak Valtersen is neither, still reeling with guilt over leaving his little family, walking away from a life that was slowly suffocating him. He’s neither strong or brave, he’s a coward. Stupid, weak and easily led, with no idea how to make things right. He’s made himself a promise though, he is going to stay single and finally take control of his own life. He’s going to be happy. Work hard. Be the best father he can be, and he is never going to let himself get dragged into a relationship again. He’s been there, done that, and it’s not for him. He is going to have a quiet winter, a quiet Christmas and he is going to chill. Lick his wounds and for once just be himself. That’s the plan.





	1. ONE

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LoveThem2121](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveThem2121/gifts).



> Earlier this year someone totally trashed my writing on Jodel, claiming everything I wrote was out of character, that I always wrote my Even as some messed up menopausal 50-year-old who just had to bake saffrans boller and a load of other things. After having a cry and feeling very sorry for myself I had a little chat with Evak4Ever, and we came to the conclusion that everything the Jodeler was saying was actually true. So the idea for Hele Norge baker was born amongst laughter and relief that I am actually totally crap at writing canon and should stay well away from it. Instead you get this, and I hope you will enjoy this total mess of a story that will get a new chapter every day in December until the grand finale on Christmas day. There will be Christmas cheer. A small sideline of Baking. Chaos. SMUT, of course! Laughter and maybe a few happy tears. A pinch of angst will be thrown in the mix and the most amazing visuals created by the amazing talented Lovethem2121 who has co-created this story with me. 
> 
> As always huge thank you to Evak4Ever who pitches stories to me even in her sleep, Lovethem2121 who is the most wonderful person to collaborate with, Pagnilagni who is always there for me when I need help and advice, and of course to all of you who read and comment and tweet and message and Jodel. You all make me incredibly happy, even when you rant at me. 
> 
> I will try to post every morning around 7 UK time, so for those of you in Scandiland you should have an update every day at 8. Hopefully. 
> 
> So shall we get this party started then? Let's go! 
> 
> All the love, Always. S xxx

_The ultimate Bucket list of Isak Valtersen, aged 17._

_10 Zipline down the Holmenkollen ski jump (and not wet my pants in front of the whole school)_

_9 Travel to Australia, and see Ayers rock. (and not die from a poison snakebite.)_

_8 Buy my own house so I don’t have to pay rent ever again._

_7 Learn to drive so I can buy an Audi TT_

_6 Become one of those people who get along with their parents._

_5 Meet some nice cool friends who can be like my own crew._

_4 Get a really good job which I like that will pay me loads of money._

_3 Have kids. Or maybe just one._

_2 Have sex properly and actually like it._

_1 Kiss someone who is hot AF and not drunk._

The last line has been struck out with a pencil until the paper has almost crumbled. Then replaced with new writing underneath in a different pen.

_1 Kiss someone who is not a girl._

He scrunches up the piece of paper, then sighs and flattens it back out, carefully letting his fingers stroke the edges, before placing it back where he found it in the bottom of his memory box. A battered old shoebox filled with stupid things that once were important. The naive ramblings from 10 years ago that still makes his stomach curl with angst.

Bucket list. What a load of old bollocks.

‘’It’s only one weekend.’’ Sara says, her voice on that edge of irritation again. The tone that makes Isak feel small and useless, even though he knows it shouldn’t. ‘’And it’s not like you have anything planned Isak, because you never do. You don’t do anything but work.’’

They are not together anymore, and Sara has no right to put him down. They decided on a truce when they finally officially separated, on schedules and the way they would manage things, and whilst Isak sticks to the rules, Sara still seems to make hers up as they go along.

‘’I can do the weekend, but I can’t take Friday off, Sara, I have already exhausted my parental leave and it’s not good for Emilia to be pushed around, she needs to feel like our arrangement is stable. ‘’ Isak stands firm. He is quite proud of himself saying no, even though his heart is screaming to say yes. To have Emi a whole extra weekend outside their agreed schedule.

‘’Isak, I just need this. I need to feel alive and free and going away with Thomas next weekend would just, I don’t know, it makes me feel good about myself that he even asked.’’

He knows what she is doing. Taking another sly dig at him and his inability to make her feel wanted. And she is right, because they spent years grinding each other down. It had never been right. Never been good, and despite Sara’s flawless body, her pert bum and small perfect breasts, he had never made her feel like she was everything to him, because she had never been. He had been weak for so long, and just gone along with it, because it was convenient, practical and most of all safe.

Not that Isak Valtesen is a catch in any shape or form. He’s dull as dishwater, with his messy mop of curls that no gel could ever tame. His pale skin and too broad shoulders. A too skinny body and a mouth that never seems to connect with his brain in time to stop the shit he churns out.

It’s been 6 months since the day he walked out. The day he cried himself to sleep in a small cheap hotel room wishing he was at home on the floor in Emilia’s room holding her hand through the wooden slats surrounding her cot.

Sara had refused to let Emilia co-sleep, pushing her ideas of independence and making their baby strong and fearless, when all Isak had wanted was to fall asleep with his baby girl curled into his arms. He had gone along with Sara, as he always did. Nodded and agreed whilst spending more and more nights sleeping on the floor next to his daughter, instead of in the bed of his long-suffering girlfriend. It wasn’t that they didn’t love each other, because he does love Sara. Still does. There is nothing else he can do, because they have been part of each other’s lives for so long, and she gave him the greatest gift in the world. Emilia. The cheeky curly haired two-year-old that is truly the love of his life.

Sara and him. It had been stupid. A teenage thing that had developed into some kind of fucked up safetynet. They had both agreed that they had settled for the safe option instead of realizing that they should have gone their separate ways years ago. And Isak still struggles to remember the last time they had made love. It had been long before Emilia was born, and they had rarely even touched each other, passing with a lame kiss on the cheek in the kitchen and a pathetic ‘’love you’’ in their daily texts. It was nothing like a romance. It had been ridiculous. Apathetic. Pathetic. But safe.

He had walked out and woken up the next day weighed down with guilt but dizzy with relief. It had been the right decision. The best decision. And it also meant that every other week Isak was a single Dad and was able to spend every evening with the love of his life. His little ray of sunshine.

He could finally be the Dad he wanted to be, the Dad who just wouldn’t stay put. They had started to explore the city on bike, Emilia strapped into the seat wedged on the front of his bicycle, with her pink helmet bobbing under his chin as they laughed and chatted. He had always wanted a bicycle seat, whilst Sara had dismissed them as unnecessary and dangerous. Well, she had no input now and Emilia loved it. They had spent hours this summer exploring, and camping out at night, his daughter wrapped up inside his sleeping bag, snuggled tight against his chest through the night. Sara would have screamed at him if she knew. Not that he cared.

She had found herself a string of new boyfriends and lived a hectic life in the weeks Emilia spent with Isak, and he was glad. He was more than pleased for her. Honestly.

His own life was his own again and he would give himself the luxury of being single this time. Time to find himself. Time to figure things out. He was never going to rush into a relationship again, nor let his life be controlled by anyone else. It would be on his terms the next time, if there even would be a next time. Because Isak Valtersen is free, and happy. He is. Honestly.

‘’Fine.’’ He says. ‘’Tell me what you need.’’

He shouldn’t have backed down this easily, but years of being the person he still becomes with Sara is hard to erase, and to be honest the thought of a whole extra uninterrupted long weekend with Emilia is tempting. A weekend of laughter and fun and laundry and exhaustion and toys everywhere and a small warm body in his bed every night. Yeah. It’s not really worth arguing about.

‘’I need to leave Thursday lunchtime, so if you could pick her up from nursery after work, that would be great. I asked about Friday, if she could come to nursery, but they said they were full, but you could ask again? Or maybe you could get someone to babysit? Like that Sana?’’

‘’That Sana?’’ Isak sighs. It would be so easy, to say something snarky. Just spill into one of their usual arguments of Sara not liking Isak’s friends and Isak taking the piss out of the idiotic crowd Sara still hangs with. They are adult for fucks sake. Really.

‘’Whatever’’, Sara sighs. ‘’I appreciate it Isak. I need some me time, some time where I feel like an adult again, not just a mummy with saggy boobs and no life. I need some adult conversation and I need to feel desired. Like I’m someone, not just Emi’s Mummy whose name no one ever remembers. Solveig at nursery couldn’t even remember it the other day, just called me ‘’Emilia’s grown up’’ like I was some invisible mannequin.’’

‘’Go, enjoy yourself. It’s OK Sara, you know I don’t begrudge you going away. You work damn hard, so just go and Emilia and I will be fine.’’

‘’Thanks babe.’’ Sara says, and she actually sounds kind for a change. Resigned. Relieved. ‘’I would offer to swap the weekend after, but I already have plans every night and it would be hell to try to rehash the meetings and on top of that I have promised Ingrid a night out on Friday, I just can’t cancel at such short notice.’’

She sighs again and Isak snaps back. He has zoned out again, tapping on his online calendar trying to put in reminders to collect his daughter and already thinking where they can go on Saturday that is easily accessible with a pram and not too far. The weather is going to be freezing, and the back carrier he uses is hard to assess in the cold wind. Emilia gets cold up there and at least in the pram she can be snug and warm until Isak can figure out where to get one of those cover things he has seen other parents with. He just hasn't had time.

‘’Have fun Sara.’’ He says trying to sound cheerful.

‘’Isak?’’ Elias snaps at the door to his office.

‘’Sara, I need to go. Elias needs me.’’

He probably doesn’t but he doesn’t want to talk to Sara longer than he needs to. There are only so many minutes he can manage to stay civil before some snarky comments slips his tongue and sets her off on a rant of his immaturity and inability to make her feel like a woman. Yeah, because that is her favourite put down. The one she knows hurts like hell. Only because it is true. He was never good at the sex thing, and the fact they managed to make a baby is still beyond Isak’s comprehension. He made something beautiful, out of something that he still doesn’t fully understand.

‘’ISAK!’’ Elias taps at the doorframe to Isak’s small office. ‘Isak Valtersen. TV3 Chief Financial Officer’ the sign screams in the quirky trademarked TV3 font, which Elias impatiently taps a rolled-up bunch of papers against, almost jumping up and down.

He’s pissed off. Sweating slightly around the temples like he does when Isak throws down his latest budget proposals with a big fat REJECTED stamp across it. They do that a lot. Elias and his out of this world mad ideas and Isak with his watertight budget rejections. Which is why they work so well together, because Elias can pull that shit off and Isak can make anything a success profit wise. He knows his fucking numbers and Elias knows his fucking audience and together they produce fucking magic. It’s just the way it is.

‘’Bye babe.’’ He quips before she can say anything else, tapping end call on his mobile, as he follows Elias out the door.

‘’Isak, I’m in fucking deep shit mate.’’ Elias grits out between his teeth as the glass door to his office slams shut behind him. He’s a small man, slim with some muscle definition showing under his fitted shirt, which is usually immaculate but today there are patches of sweat forming under his arms, and his closely shaved black hair is getting frequent swipes from Elias’ hands, a clear sign that something is bothering him.

‘’What now? I thought everything was going smoothly? We are still well under budget, so financially there is nothing to worry about unless there is a lawsuit brewing that you are about to shit on me with.’’

Isak crosses his arms over his chest. He may have spent years taking shit from Sara, but he’s never been a pushover at work. He knows his shit. So does Elias.

‘’Please tell me that you can bake.’’ Elias almost whispers. ‘’You brought that chocolate tray thing in a few months back when we had the Cosy-Fridays coffee break thing going on? Please tell me it didn’t come out of a packet?’’

‘’It didn’t come out of a packet. Who do you think I am? I’m the master of the chocolate tray bake.’’ Isak says cockily. Elias is clearly in some deep shit. Sweat pouring down his temples.

He should probably mention that Emilia drooled in the batter and that the traybake he brought in was his third attempt, and that the mess he made in the kitchen sparked on of the worst screaming arguments he and Sara had ever had. He had left a week later. It hadn’t been good. It had brought nothing good with it.

‘’Isak, we start filming tomorrow at 10, and we are 3 contestants down. I am officially pulling you in.’’

‘’What?’’ Isak shrieks. ‘’It’s a celebrity special. Who the fuck am I supposed to be?’’

‘’You do that finance segment every year on ‘Good Morning Norway’? You know the ’How to do your tax return?’ thing you did? And....and …. You did that thing last week, you know when you talked about how to budget for Christmas without getting into debt? You definitely qualify as a celeb. We will just call you a Morning TV financial expert. Close enough. And anyway everyone loves a bigwig trying his hand at being normal or some shit? Putting your money where your mouth is or whatever? Getting down with the underdog? Showing your human side? I haven’t got a clue how we will spin it, that is PR’s role. They will make it work, if you do this. And Isak you are perfect, you are grumpy and impatient and have a fucking temper on you, it will make fantastic TV. The other good thing is that you won’t have a clue who all the other contestants are, so you won’t give a rat’s arse about pegging them down a notch or two, will you? It will be awesome.’’

Elias is chewing on his thumb. Rocking on his heels.

‘’No. Fucking. Way.’’ Isak groans. ‘’Hell no.’’

‘’Why the hell not? You are single, and the girls will be hanging off you. Celeb status guaranteed. Pussy on tap. What’s not to love?’’

‘’Everything Elias! Every fucking thing! For a start, I can’t bake.’’

‘’That Chocolate tray bake was edible?’’ Elias is smiling now.

‘’I look like shit.’’

‘’You are a handsome devil. Let someone dress you and get a haircut. Shave. Sorted.’’

‘’I’ve got a reputation to protect. I’ll be the fucking laughingstock of the station!’’

‘’People will love you. Profits through the roof. Spin-off series. I have a clear vision in my head.’’

Yeah. Elias is on drugs. Clearly. Standing there with his arms spread out and a dreamy look in his eyes.

‘’No, Elias. Not happening.’’ Isak turns around letting his hand rest on the door handle. He is leaving. He is not getting drawn in to this.’’

‘’Sana said yes.’’ Elias says. His shit eating grin wider than his face.

‘’Sana?’’ Isak’s hand grips the door handle tighter. ‘’Your sister can’t even peel a carrot. She’s going to go on ‘Hele Norge Baker?’ You are fucking joking.’’

‘’Dead serious, Isak. She owed me one, and anyway someone _has_ to get voted off in the first episode. She doesn’t give a shit, and we are marketing her as the Norwegian ice-hockey team’s Physician, which isn’t a lie.’’

‘’She treated their reserve Goalie for a sprained ankle. Once.’’ Isak whines into his hands. ‘’Elias, what the hell are you doing? This is crazy?’’

‘’I have no choice Isak. Amelia Sagnefjord had to pull out with the cocaine scandal that broke on Friday. Trond Pedersen is up for a fucking embezzling charge and that rapper we were pinning our hopes on? Pregnant. Couldn’t stop puking through the test filming yesterday. We can’t use her, it was just awful. ‘’ Elias actually looks a bit green himself. ‘’So we are down to Eskild from ‘Say yay to the Gay’, Vilde Lien Hellerud from ‘Frognerfruer’, Noora Amalie Saetre, the news anchor from ‘Dagsrevyen’…..’’

‘’And **_not_ ** Isak Valtersen, a boring CFO’’ Isak says firmly. ‘’ Forget it, Elias. It’s stupid, immoral and downright illegal. We are deceiving the public, lying and betraying the trust of the brand. Get yourself on the phone to casting downstairs, I am sure we have some D-list celeb just dying to make a spectacle of themselves on TV over Christmas.’’

He walks out the door letting it slam hard behind him. Fucking hell Elias.

Isak’s life is peaceful and quiet, his job rewarding and fulfilling. His daughter is the love of his life.

He doesn’t need this.

It’s 8 weeks until Christmas. 4 weeks until ‘’Hele Norge Baker, celebrity Christmas special’’ will premiere in time for the December festive period. 8 mouth-watering spectacular episodes full of Christmas cheer, home-made flavours and quirky heart-warming mistakes by clueless celebrities showing their human side. And Julekaker. Fucking Gingerbread houses. And fruitcake..

He’s not going anywhere near it. Nope. Not happening.


	2. TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely warm welcome yesterday! It made me all kinds of happy. And HAPPY FIRST OF ADVENT to all the Scandi people who celebrate!! Here is chapter two. xxxx

There is a small pink sock under the kitchen table. A small piece of cotton that makes Isak’s eyes water with strange tears. He misses her when she is not here in his 2 bedroom apartment on the second floor of one of the monotone apartment buildings nestled alongside Oslo’s botanical gardens. Tøyen. Not quite the place he had imagined he would be living at the age of 27. He has done well for himself considering, he was lucky scoring this apartment, near enough to Emi’s nursery and a short busride to work. He loves her. He loves his daughter more than anything else he could ever have loved. It’s almost stupid, the way he can't find the words to describe his feelings for that little girl. He’s never been a man of many words, of romantic declarations and grand gestures. But with Emi he has thrown all the rules out the window. He is the Dad who props his daughter up on a chair in the coffeeshop and reads her stories in silly voices whilst she squeals with laughter. He lets her drink big sips of his milky coffee, that he lets go cold so she can taste it. He buys croissants and lets the flaky crumbs cover his dress pants, because Emi loves them and he couldn't care less about the extra calories or the fat stains on his expensive suit. He loves her and the time he has with her is precious, too precious to waste a single second on all of Sara’s stupid rules. Which is why he presses the tiny sock to his face and breathes her in. The soft smell of the washing powder Sara always bought. The smell of home. The home that isn’t his anymore. It’s strange how he misses it, when he doesn’t miss his old life at all.

He never meant to be an absent father, never planned to be one of those weekend Dads. The ones who knowingly smiles at him at the weekend when Emi and him share a plate of sugar coated breakfast at one of their favourite overpriced cafes. The ones full of weekend Dad’s who sit there with their kids without knowing what to say. The kids staring into their tablets whilst their stranger of a father looks bewildered and sad.

He misses her, always. His heart always full of guilt for not spending more time with her when she is with him, and then working too much to dull out the fact that he is alone when she is with Sara. Alone. He’s always alone. Which is good. And bad. His life is manageable on his own. The bubble he creates around himself is fine. It’s freedom, wrapped up in a fine sheet of guilt and sorrow.

Which makes his stomach curl up in a tight knot of angst as he swings through the back doors to TV3’s headquarters, the big steel building with the musty smell, the dustrats gathering along the back corridors that despite fireregulations are constantly lined with parcels, cardboard, screens and stray equipment. He keeps his head down and a steady pace, picking up his messages from the reception desk before stopping briefly to pour himself a cup of coffee in the pantry area. He doesn't talk to people. He just pretends to read the messages in his hand whilst allowing himself a sip of the scolding coffee in his cup.

‘’Valtersen?’’ The voice seems hurried and rushed behind him. ‘’Valtersen, you shithead.’’

‘’Eva?’’

‘’Yup, your’s truly. Called in last minute. Oh Valtersen, you still look good! Good enough to eat.’’

He lets his arms curl around the woman who is making him spill coffee over his hands as she kisses his cheek and pats him down, like she is trying to read him. Get a feel of him. Catch up, because he hasn't seen Eva in years.

‘’Eva’’ He says, then his face flushes with warmth. It’s been years. Years and Years.

‘’Gorgeous boy. You are still as handsome as ever. CFO eh? You were always such a number nerd Isak. How’s your Sara?’’ Eva’s like an open book, always talking too fast, skipping from subject to subject like Isak is supposed figure out what on earth she is on about when he is still bewildered about her standing there in front of him. Like she belongs there when she hasn’t been seen anywhere near TV3 since being headhunted over to some international network.

‘’Eh, uh, Eva? What are you doing here? Espionage from rival networks? ‘’ He tries to keep things light. He doesn't know if he could handle life stories and truths and gossip and things he can’t quite deal with right now. Doesn't want to deal with. Like ever.

‘’Elias pulled me in, and I mean it wasn't like I was snowed under with projects so I thought a few weeks back in my old playground dealing with the mess he has going on down there, Perfect. Lovely actually. Especially since I have come up to personally escort you down to hair and makeup. Elias told me you would be a real grump, and trust me Isak, please help me score some points with him by actually coming down with me. It’s too early to argue with you on day one and we haven't even shot the promotional stills. Did you bring clothes Isak? The styling team hasn't got you on their list so we will need to wing it unless you are planning to bake in a business suit? I mean it’s a nice suit…….’’ She actually stops and takes a breath and Isak inhales a gulp of coffee.

‘’I’m not doing anything to do with that baking show this morning Eva. I have a job to do, I have deadlines. I haven't got the time to clear my schedule for weeks just because Elias can’t do his job properly….’’

‘’Excuses, excuses’’ Eva singsongs and cocks her head. Giving Isak that look. Glaring at him over the rim of her glasses. ‘’Julian has it covered. Elias briefed him earlier this morning, he is to report to you between takes and update you on anything that needs dealing with, and anyway that Halvor in accounts is very capable. I think we hooked up once in my youth. I think. Or maybe we just partied…. Anyway’’ She shakes her head and smiles. ‘’Nothing much has changed around here, the same faces, the same crap. Including you my darling. Isak Valtersen. Gorgeous boy, now hop hop, you are coming with me and we are getting you all dolled up - you will look a million dollars. You sort of already do…. Oh and by the way here is todays schedule and script, we are filming mostly intros and fillers this morning, plus the still’s photographer is here to do your headshots. He suggested you all hold on to a piece of equipment, but I think it’s naff. I mean you standing there with a bloody whisk? Juggling eggs? WTF Isak, who employs your people these days? We need fun and christmassy, but we really, really need all of you to look shaggable. Sex sells babe.’’

‘’Shut up,’’ Isak says before he even realizes he is walking back down the stairs heading towards the studio B area. ‘’Just shut it.’’

This is where Isak should say no. This is where Isak should step the fuck up and walk out. Or where he gives Elias a piece of his mind, when in reality he just groans at Elias huge grin as he greets him by the studio setup. The lights are already on, bathing the area in lights that are too warm. Too bright. Unforgiving, making Elias skin seem paler and greyer than it is. No doubt making Isak look like shit. Not that he is vain, but studio lights never bring out the best in people.

The place is buzzing, the tech people milling about with equipment and the prop people lining up the kitchen tools on the baking benches on a set that to be honest looks like someone has vomited Christmas all over the place. Far too much tinsel and candles and cheerful Santa’s for Isak’s early morning head. He vaguely clocks the baking machines, remembering that he was smart enough to approve the purchase order when the bloody company wouldn't agree to a free loan or even donating 10 lousy baking machines for the ridiculous amount of exposure they will get when this mess of a show airs. Not that it will be a mess, because Isak knows that Elias will pull it off. He always does, despite the ulcer brewing in his stomach, the sweat patches around his neck and the dark skin under his eyes being a clear indicator that he is feeling the pressure of this. In a way Isak loves being down here watching him work, and his stomach is secretly bubbling with joy that Elias has lured Eva back. He loves Eva, he really does, and it’s comforting in away that even though he hasn’t spoken to her for years she is right back there, her arm snaking under his, her smile beaming at him as she pushes him down the corridor to the shabby green room where the styling team seems to have taken up residence.

‘’Valtersen?’’ someone questions looking up from a clipboard and immediately getting that concerned look on his face. ‘’Please tell me you are not wearing that.’’ The young hip stylist looks almost disgusted.

‘’It’s Hugo Boss?’’ Isak questions whilst his face blooms once again. Yeah right. He knows this stuff, but it’s not like he was going to agree to this. I mean really? He glances down to the paperwork in his hand, letting his eyes take in the first couple of lines of text. Whilst the stylist person tugs at his jacket.

**_Episode one_ ** _. Christmas Breakfast._

_Introduction: Show off your skills! This is the contestants chance to set the tone, showing the viewers what you can do. You will have 1 hour 15 minutes to pull off a festive treat to serve at the Christmas breakfast table._

_Technical challenge: The perfect Christmas Pancakes 45 minutes on the clock to pull off the ultimate festive pancake platter._

_Showcase challenge, Kransekake. Create the perfect showcase for the Christmas table._

Isak has to stop to breathe. He feels a little faint, not only that but he still has his coffee cup in his hand whilst this stylist is trying to yank his suit jacket over his shoulders.

‘’Eva?’’ He shouts at her disappearing out the door, leaving him helpless and flustered among the wolves that are eyeing him up and down.

‘’He needs jeans.’’ Someone says. ‘’He has good legs. Nice hips.’’

‘’Hair is good, do you think it’s long enough for a man bun? What did you say this one does again? Some kind of office jockey?’’

Isak just stares, not that the girl in the purple hair pays him any attention whilst she threads her fingers through his curls. ‘’No man-bun, but it needs to be slicked. Good hair. Honey, don’t let anyone cut it, Okay?’’

Someone holds a shirt in front of him, something far too bright and cheerful for Isak’s stern scoul. He wants to run. He wants to shout. Hide back in his office for an hour with a large cup of hot coffee until he feels vaguely human and like himself again. Because this is as far out of his comfort zone that he will ever get.

  
  
****


	3. THREE

‘’Just stand right here, flex your arms slightly and then just give me that sultry smile.’’

The stills photographer sounds worn out and stressed, and Isak just snorts, followed by a laugh that is more raw and angry than anything else, taking his arms back into his standard pose, crossed over his chest and a what probably looks like a terrified grimace on his face.

‘’Poppet, swirl your hips slightly.’’ This dude seems to appear out of nowhere and actually brazenly walks straight into the shoot, and grabs Isak’s hips. Forces his whole body around until he almost trips, then the person is pushing his shoulders forward, forcing his head up with a swift tilt to his chin.

‘’There sweetie. Much better. Sorry, occupational hazard. I’m Eskild, stylist by trade and TV stylist extraordinaire these days. Also a fellow contestant, and I am about to make Christmas fabulous.’’ He flexes his hips, and flashes a smile that makes Isak take a step backwards in fear. I mean. The man is everything Isak isn't. Wild red hair that has that just out of bed tousled look, clothes that are just a little to sparkly for Isak’s taste, and bright pink lipstick on his perfect pouting lips.

‘’Sorry for manhandling you around, but I can’t help myself, I can’t let you look like that, all up-tight like you have a dildo up your arse. Unless you do, in that case I do apologize. And that would intrigue me immensely my friend since you have ‘’Top’’ written all over you darling. Which I am all for baby. I am a total top myself, I know I don't look it, but baby I could do a number on anyone's arse and have them begging for more.’’

‘’WHAT?’’ Isak can’t help it. He actually laughs. It’s like, who is this dude?

‘’Eskild Tryggvarson. Stylist.’’ The man reaches out and grabs Isak’s hand. Shakes it vigorously whilst eyeing Isak up and down. ‘’Unless I am totally barking up the wrong tree, but I have a pretty good gaydar, and I am usually not wrong. I can pick out a needy little bottom out of a club line up every time. I haven't seen you around though, and I know most guys on the scene. Are you married? Or is there a handsome little imp at home just waiting for his big sexy man to come home?’’

The man that is apparently called Eskild cocks his head to the side, smiling. The guy is clearly bonkers but Isak can’t help shaking his hand back, laughing. Genuinely this time.

‘’Isak Valtersen, CFO of this joint, and completely unwilling contestant. I am not about to make Christmas fabulous, I am about to make a complete twat out of myself on TV and shame my ex wife into never speaking to me again.’’ He looks sternly at Eskild when he utters that last sentence. Emphasizing on _ex wife_ hoping to get his message across. Really. Not that Eskild seems to mind.

‘’Ahw babes, batting for both teams. That is absolutely fantastic. I mean, the more the merrier. I love a bit of variety to spice things up myself, but I’ve never gotten into the vagina thing.’’ He scrunches up his nose in faked disgust and rolls his eyes.

‘’Whatever?’’ Isak shakes his head. He can’t be arsed with putting this dude right, and I mean, the man is. Fabulous. All sparkles and light with happiness just radiating from his fingertips. All the things that Isak is not, when maybe he should be. Maybe he should try. Be happy. Carefree. A little Stupid.

‘’Oh we are going to be fabulous friends, Isak was it? Isak. My little baby Bi Boy. I’m going to call you that, you don’t mind do you? I mean you are out? Out and proud?’’

Isak should protest. Honestly. He should, but the photographer is back in his face and he tries to remember where this Eskild told him to put his hips. Not that he doesn't look a twat standing there in a t-shirt that is several sizes too small for him, where his nipples are poking through the thin fabric and his arms are getting goosebumps from the fan directed at his face to make his hair move, well there is so much gel in his locks that it probably wouldn’t move if a hurricane swept through the studio, and that Eskild is nowhere to be found to rescue him so he just resigns himself to the photographer hurling instructions at him and demanding that he pouts.

He knows he can veto the photos, and somewhere in the bottom of his stomach he knows Elias won’t let him look like a complete arse, even though the said man is now dragging him off into a dark corner letting a small giggle rip loose as the tips of his fingers poke at Isak’s gelled back hair.

‘’You look weird man’’ He says but his eyes are twinkling and Isak just stares at him.

‘’Please let me out of this hell…’’ Isak begs.

‘’No way Valtersen, this is going far too well. Far too well.’’ Elias grin is evil. Honestly. ‘’ I have ten contestants in place, all are checked in. I have the most awesome host, and Eva. Oh thank God for Eva. I don’t know how we let her walk all those years ago because nobody manages the floor better than Eva. ‘’

He lets his eyes follow Elias gaze over where to Eva is shouting into the headset that is now clipped into her ear, whilst she gestures wildly at someone at the back of the studio

‘’Now watch this Valtersen, and tell me that we are not creating magic.’’ Elias whispers, then shouts out ‘’Silence’’ and on cue the room falls into complete quiet. It’s a well built in word in the industry, how one little shout makes everyone tiptoe on their rubber soled feet. How movements slow down to careful gestures. How words effortlessly quieten down to whispers.

‘’And ACTION!’’

Isak can see one of their resident cameramen swing his dolly into position, showing that he is ready and rolling as the lighting almost blinds the man walking through the unmanned baking stations, letting his hands gently touch one of the bright red baking machines before he looks up, his eyes focusing on the camera lens and his mouth curling into a blinding smile.

Isak watches on the side monitor, as Elias breath hitches in anticipation. The man on the screen is taking his time and the practical side of Isak is already thinking that they will need to shout ‘’Cut!’’. But at the same time he is mesmerized. The man is, well Isak has never seen him before, yet of course he has. He knows who this guy is. He would recognize his voice, that deep baritone vocal that the country seems to have fallen in love with, anywhere. The hair coiffed back in his signature Elvis-esque style. His skin flawless and powdered into perfection. His eyes pierced at the lens.

‘’Christmas is my favourite time of the year, when families come together to spend quality time with the people they love. Where guestrooms are prepared for visitors from far away, where friendships are reunited and gifts are exchanged. Where sometimes religion plays a part, and sometimes our celebrations just center around that little thing we call love. Where we look after those we care for, where we show each other friendship and gratitude. Where we thank those of us who have helped us throughout the year, people like our teachers and medical staff, and where we tell those close to us that they are needed and cherished. And even though we might not see eachother every day, at this point of the year we make the time to meet. To bond. To love each other just that little bit more. That is what Christmas is to me, and then of course I would be on the completely wrong show if I didn’t mention the thing that Christmas is really all about. ‘’

The man stops again, letting his body lean just that little bit forward as the camera zooms back. And Isak breathes out. He shouldn't have been holding his breath, but this, the very first minutes of a show can make or break a series. It needs to be right and if they have to film it again, and again, so be it. Not that they will have to reshoot shit with the guy on the monitor popping a biscuit in his mouth. Where the fuck was he hiding that biscuit?

‘’Because Christmas is all about food, drink and’’ The man wriggles his half eaten biscuit, sporting that shit eating grin and a crumb on his chin. ‘’Baked goods.’’

He laughs and Isak now almost shouts ‘’Cut!’’ Himself. The guy is chewing on his biscuit, and leaning casually against one of the work tops. Angling his head and flashing that smile again.

‘’Ladies and Gentlemen. Boys and girls. Welcome this very special Christmas edition, where some of our most loved Celebrities will show off our fantastic range of Norwegian Christmas traditions, some old, some new and some with some new twist no doubt. So sit back and grab yourself a glass of gløgg, and get ready for the most wonderful season of baking, cooking, laughing, and yes, of course, there will be drama and tears, it wouldn't be a Baking Christmas reality show competition without it, now would it?’’

He steps forward again, stopping only to cross his arms over his chest, showing off just the right amount of muscle tone through the thin designer shirt spray painted to his body, as he smiles again.

‘’I’m Even Bech Næsheim, and _THIS_ **_,_ ** is Hele Norge Baker.’’

‘’Cut!’’ Someone shouts to a scattering of polite applauses.

‘’Magic.’’ Elias whispers. ‘’You’ve got to help me Isak, please. I’m begging here. This show will be fantastic, and you are probably the only sane contestant this year. Well apart from my sister but then that is questionable at the best of times. Please. Please please please. I’ll do anything.’’

And Isak sighs. Because of course he will have to do it. Do this fucking show. Because that was bloody perfection and if people don’t fall in love with that Even during those first couple of minutes of the show, then they can freeze in their cold Norwegian hearts for all that Isak cares. It was _magic_ indeed. A little bit of TV heaven. And Isak shivers in his tiny t-shirt as he gives Elias a resigned smile.

‘’Pancakes? How the fuck do you make pancakes?"


	4. FOUR

It’s embarrassingly loud, the sigh of relief that escapes from Isak’s mouth. But it is relief, having Sana here.

Someone else who doesn’t take this crap seriously. Someone who laughs out loud at the world instead of letting it cave in over them, like Isak does. Because life is fine when Isak is in his comfort zone, when he juggles numbers against flowcharts in his office, and slings well meaning abuse at Elias, whilst politely ignoring the people he works with.

This though, standing in the hot lights in Studio 3, surrounded by mostly strangers, and strangers with an agenda, is making Isak feel a little bit nauseous. He can do competition. He can, but this might be the one competition he just won’t win. I mean, he doesn’t even understand the terminology being slung around the room by the other contestants. Well, contestants, as in a mix of random celebrities trying to get their shining star higher on the sky. Not that Isak has anything to prove to anyone. Honestly. Well apart from maybe his own confidence and self worth. The thought makes him shiver nervously in the posh shoes the stylists made him wear. Because the only person he ever needed to impress was Sara, and he’s honestly not sure he even wants to impress her anymore. Her smile makes him sad. Her name lighting up his screen usually makes him shudder. And surrounded by a group of total strangers Isak sighs with irrational discomfort. They have been formally introduced and group stills taken, where everyone shuffled nervously and smiled politely. Everyone playing a game Isak doesn’t quite understand. A game he doesn’t think even cares about winning. Not that he’s fooling anyone, he’s an obvious filler contestant. The guy who gets shot in the opening scene. The unimportant face among the 5 or so important people here with something to fight for.

Now they are all lined up at their assigned work benches, told to look stern and full of concentration whilst the camera pans dangerously low over their heads. Elias calling out instructions to the capture shots that get edited and accented by pompous theme tunes to drill the viewer into a sense of serious competition. Like they don’t all know how fake this all is. The ingredients they are going to use already pre-planned, budgeted and purchased, against Isak’s scrawled signature. It will be carefully orchestrated angled and negotiated, the social media team already down here taking notes and demanding candid stills in the correct formats.

Not that the woman next to him can stand still, patting her heels nervously against the wood-effect flooring. She’s some reality star, dressed just as inappropriately as Isak, with her perfectly coiffed hair swept dangerously low over her obvious false eyelashes.

‘’Vilde Lien Hellerud, one of the originals on Frognerfruer. The reality show. Although nothing much is real on a TV show, but it does make for pretty spectacular rumours, don’t you think?’’ She had introduced herself earlier giving Isak a limp handshake and a nervous smile. ‘’Can you bake?’’ she had whispered whilst Isak shook his head, letting himself smile. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

Eskild has the bench behind Isak, and in a strange way that is comforting, the man giving Isak’s shoulder a firm grip of support as they move on to filming the individual introduction clips. He’s the type of people Isak likes. Easy to read. Bold. Nothing hidden, with nothing to figure out. Eskild is who he is and he makes Isak laugh, despite the constant over-the top ridiculous statements and the fact that he calls Isak ‘Baby-bi-boy’. Over and over.

He survives his introduction, delivering his lines with resigned perfection. He’s Isak. Financial expert from Morning Tv, single father of one, and hoping to create festive Christmas treats for the smaller household. Whatever that is. He kind of rolled his eyes reading from the monitor in front of him on the first take, and perfected it complete with a fake smile on the second.

‘’I’m Noora Amalie Sætre, news anchor and mother of four. I am thrilled to share with you some of my favourite Christmas creations, and hope to showcase some healthy alternative Christmas treats for you and your family to enjoy. I believe natural sugars and fresh ingredients are key to a healthy and robust attitude to food. You can follow my Hele Norge Baker instagram profile, for all my recipes and top tips’’

The woman is perfection. Bright red lipstick and a charming motherly smile. Fuck, Isak thinks. I mean he can’t compete with that.

‘’Linn Larsen Hansen, Politician and party leader for the Green Party. I will champion ways to save the planet, using the minimal packaging and waste in preparing a Christmas that is both wallet friendly, vegan and with wholesome. This is the time of year when we should think of our planet’s future, and celebrate in an alternative eco friendly way. Thank you.’’

He hadn’t even noticed the woman in the back. Well her ideas are interesting. He might actually pay attention. A little. Maybe. If her voice doesn’t lull him to sleep. Good choice Elias.

‘’Sana Bakkoush, sports physician for The Norwegian National hockey team. I will try to bring something new to the Norwegian traditional Christmas, bringing influences from the Middle east cuisine and the Muslim community with all my recipes being halal, or vegetarian friendly. We are a multicultural society and as a Mother I am proud to show off some of my Children’s favourite festive treats. I am also a busy working parent, so my recipes are simple, full of timesaving shortcuts. ‘’

Sana flashes a rare smile, that makes Isak giggle out loud. It’s so obviously fake and her eye roll off camera is so typically her. So very much Sana, and Isak smiles, shooting of a supportive wink whilst she flashes her middle finger at him out of sight. Yeah, she might not be here to win, but she sure will give as good as she gets.

‘’Jonas Noah Vasquez’’ A deep voice rumbles that makes the entire room straighten up in attention. ‘’Documentary filmmaker and activist. I am also a secret foodie and bake my own bread at home. I am very interested in gathering food in the wild, and survivalist techniques, and hope to incorporate some of these interests in this competition. All the best of luck to my fellow contestants and I wish you a peaceful time this festive season.’’

The man nods, and Isak nods back. He’s watched all of Vasquez shows, and he might just secretly be a little bit of a fan. Honestly. I mean the guy survived for a week in the wild bringing zero food rations. Zero. Oh well apart from a sachet of salt. And a knife. Apparently.

‘’Chris Berg. Sports journalist and five time Olympic Javelin thrower. Yes, I know, I can see you all going ‘’What?’’ Yeah, I chuck spears for a living, but damn, I am good at it. Can I say ‘Damn’ on TV?’’

‘’Cut!’’ Elias shouts, whilst smiling supportively at Chris who just smiles and starts again. She’s a cool woman. Unbothered and cheerful even on the fifth take when she messes up her lines again. She promises recipes full of butter and cream ‘because she loves that shit’ and Elias just nods in gratitude when she shouts ‘Cut!’ herself and throws herself on the floor in despair. Isak likes her already. Honestly. She will go far, because she his human. Genuine. Funny as fuck.

Then there is Mahdi Disi, the footballer. Talking about muscle building protein fuelled raw food spicy balls not even grasping the hidden innuendo that makes Eskild explode in an uncontrolled fit of giggles and snorts behind Isak’s back.

‘’Magnus Fossbakken. Drummer for the heavy metal band Blank. Blank is like _the_ heavy metal band. We’ve just come back from another world tour and played like all the festivals this summer. Download, Øya, Roskilde, PopinderPark, Coachella, V….yeah. Like that.’’ He seems to zone out, tapping his fingers rhythmically, almost dreamlike, on the wooden worktop. ‘’Oh, and Glasto. Glasto was a blast. I dunno if I’m any good at baking, but, well I can mix drinks. And I can cook. I think. I mean I burn stuff but, well. Whatever. This will be a blast. Bring it on. And yeah, our new album is out in, so if metal is your thing, downloads are live now on all the usual platforms…’’

‘’Cut!’’ Elias shouts. Whilst Magnus makes a two finger salute. With both hands. Sticking his tongue out and looking slightly deranged whilst doing a little dance for the camera. He’s wearing leather trousers. Which makes Isak sweat just looking at the dude. Seriously though, Isak is going to have to have words, because not only does he kind of love Blank, the band, but he is also secretly hoping for a photo. Not only because he is kind of fan-boying slightly, again, but because it would piss Sara off no end. She always loved when she got pictures with celebrities, passing them off on social media as casual friends. Well Magnus Fossbakken is A-list, and Isak hadn’t even clocked him on the list of contestants until today. Coolest dude ever.

It turns out to be a good day. An OK day, even though he ends up spending another two hours in his office catching up with his real job, dealing with the surprisingly well organized amount of post-it notes on his desk, alongside a very detailed email from Halvor in Accounting. He’s quite impressed and ticks off his tasks with an efficient snap of his fingers as he shoots off the last email of the day. He powers down the desktop with a smile as he throws his jacket over the shirt he is back wearing, the clothes from the shoot safely back on their hangers downstairs, steam-ironed to perfection and tagged with his name on the green room rack.

‘’Elias?’’ he knocks on the glass door not even waiting for a reply before pushing the door open.

‘’Shh.’’ Elias mouths and points at the armchair in the corner that houses a slumped sleeping figure of a person.

‘’Just leaving. You OK?’’ Isak half whispers, looking a little confused at the armchair, that is now moving with a pair of sleep drunk eyes staring back at him.

‘’Yeah Yeah, I’m just rewriting episode 8, we had a bit of a thing happen, and yeah, and I had this idea, and yeah you know.’’ Elias waves a finger in the air, absentmindedly speaking to the man in the corner.

‘’Sorry dude, I’ll probably be another hour, I mean I could give you my keys and you could get a taxi, but I won’t be home for a while, not sure where my parents are, but yeah’’

‘’I’ll wait’’ The voice buried under a winter coat on the armchair replies. Sounding a little resigned. Tired.

‘’You were good today.’’ Isak says. Because he should say something. Because he is an uptight tosser, and no good with small talk, but the guy did well. Honestly.

‘’Thanks’’ The guy replies. Even replies. Because the darling of Norwegian TV, who also happens to be three times Male supermodel of the year and last years surprise hit presenter of ‘X Factor Scandinavia’, Even Bech Næsheim, is slumped on a chair in Elias’ office. Under a coat. Sleeping. Which is kind of... random.

‘’You remember Even? Hung out with us all the time at school. You know. When you used to hang with Sana? "

‘’Ehrr. Not really?’’ Isak confesses. He remembers Elias being around years ago when Isak was still young free and stupid,, A younger cooler Elias, fluttering in and out with his gang of thugs in the large flat Sana called home. Vaguely. Not that himself and Sana spent a lot of time with her family, it wasn’t that kind of friendship. Not that kind of thing, whilst her parents had always greeted him warmly, he hadn’t really spoken to Elias until they both started working here. It was work. A work friendship.

‘’I remember you. You still look exactly the same.’’ the voice in the corner says. Still a little hazy from sleep.

‘’Did we meet?’’ Isak says. Then he bites his tongue. Way to go being professional and suave.

‘’Yeah, a few times. Socially. You weren’t very talkative, and I was way too shy to speak to you back then.’’ Even giggles softly.

‘’Idea!’’ Elias says, a little too loud, whilst he spins in his chair and focuses on Isak.

‘’Look, Even here needs a place to crash for the night, he’s supposed to stay at mine, but I’ll be here for a while yet. You live on your own Isak, and you know Even.’’

Isak snorts. Then blushes. Because that was rude. Unnecessary rude.

‘’Isak…’’ Elias warns. Then he sighs. ‘’Isak...Even, Even… Isak. See? Now you have been introduced. Isak can you please take Even home and let him sleep on your sofa? He’ll probably needs food but Even is a solid dude and will get some take-away on the way back as a thank you, won’t you Even?.’’ Elias stares expectantly at Even, who just nods.

‘’Ehhr.’’ Isak says. Like he is supposed to be able to speak with all that thrown at him. I mean Even. Even is Even. _The_ Even.

‘’My sofa is shit.’’ He blurts out.

‘’I coach-surf for a living.’’ Even smiles. ‘’I can sleep on anything. It would be great. If it’s OK with you Isak? I mean we both need to be back here at 8 tomorrow?’’

‘’Ehhhr.’’ Isak says, again, and swallows. A little too loud. Whilst Even gets up and threads his coat over his arms. The heavy fabric falling graciously over his shoulders as he pulls his hand through his hair and smiles expectantly at Isak.

‘’Thank you. I appreciate it. A lot.’’ Even says. His smile easy and genuine. Genuine and kind, whilst Isak bites his lip and shuffles nervously.

‘’Isak, thanks dude.’’ Elias says, his eyes already back on the screen as his hand wafts through the air, as to dismiss them both.

‘’I don’t drive.’’ Isak says, whilst the sweat starts to pool in his armpits. He doesn’t socialise well. He certainly doesn’t have a habit of overnight guests. Well apart from Emi, but it’s not like he can offer the unused side of his double bed to Even Bech Næsheim. Or the use of Emi’s purple unicorn snuggle blanket. He might not even have a clean pillowcase, or anything suitable for keeping a tall dude suitably warm.

‘’Taxi is good. I’ll spring for one. I don’t mind taxis if someone is with me. I don’t like going on my own through.’’ Even says quietly. Shuffling behind Isak as he lets his footfall stomp down the metal staircase to the ground floor, as Even loudly orders a taxi behind him.

‘’Name’s Valtersen.’’ Even says into the receiver. The name sounds nice in his voice. Deep and soft. Not hard like the way Isak says it.

‘’The sofa is shit. Sorry. I don’t have guests. Normally.’’ Isak stutters out. Again. Like he can’t hold a normal conversation. Not with this man looking at him with a little smile on his face.

‘’And I told you I can sleep anywhere. Thank you Isak. I mean that.’’ Even says letting his hand pat Isak’s shoulder. Just once, before his hand falls back down, slipping back into his coat pocket as they step out onto the cold pavement outside the main entrance.

Then they both stay quiet, as the snow starts to fall, the flakes clear and sharp against the dark night sky beyond the bright street lights.

  
****


	5. FIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the lovely comments! It makes my day when you tell me what you think, and talk to me!! Xxxx

”Do you like Pad Thai?’’ Even ask from the back seat of the taxi, where Isak selfishly stole the front seat next to the surly driver who hasn’t said a word to either of them, replying to Isak rattling off his home address with a grunt. 

‘’No, not really’’ Isak confesses. He’s much more of a normal food kind of guy. Then he feels like a twat again, because of his total inability to be polite. Seriously. It’s honestly like something has crawled up on his insides and set him into this jackass mindset. Well to be real, he’s not the friendly type. He doesn’t do after work drinks. He doesn’t have hobbies outside of the activities he does with Emi. And he has successfully shaken off the few people that used to make up his carefully constructed and Sara-approved circle of friends. Apart from Sana. He is grateful for Sana, and Isak is itching to shoot off a text to her, asking for the lowdown on this Even dude. Even though he probably wouldn't get a reply as Sana would be knee deep in bedtime stories and sultry kids.

‘’I’m willing to try.’’ Isak starts. Stuttering slightly. ’’If you think it’s good I could probably eat it. I tend to stick to normal stuff. Burgers. Pizza. Chicken Salad.’’ He blushes slightly at the sound of his own voice. Ungrateful and rude. Unnecessarily so. 

‘’That’s fine. Can I interest you in burritos? Freddy Fuego’s deliver. They’re good?’’

Isak nods in the dark. Then clears his throat to speak but Even is on a roll back there. 

‘’Stangeriet do good burgers, and Dino’s Pizza, mmm. They do this curried banana and prawn thing. Really yummy. I love it. I’m not that hungry though. Don't think any salad places deliver at this time though? You sure I can’t interest you in Pad Thai? It’s only noodles and then you can get lots of extra veg and chicken. Peanuts. It’s good. Kind of half healthy. Sweet.’’

Even goes quiet in the back, the light from his screen making the tip of his nose glow under his long hair that has finally given up and untangled itself from his usual pristine look. 

‘’Look, I’m really OK with whatever you fancy, I will eat anything. It’s late and I’m hungry and I just want to get home and get to bed. Long day and all that.’’ Isak tries, tries to sound friendly and well, sane. Polite. Normal. Apart from that he is still not OK with this overnight thing, but then he should have said no. That would have been the right thing to do, not letting Elias guilt trip him into taking this crap on. I mean he doesn't even know this guy. Seriously. 

‘’I will blow your mind Isak.’’ Even replies. ‘’The flavours are amazing, sharp lime against a sprinkle of sugar over the crushed peanuts. It’s like an explosion in your mouth. And chilli. You have to have chilli.’’

‘’Whatever.’’ Isak sighs. He’s doing it again. Giving in. Not speaking his mind. 

He’s not like this at work. He’s perfectly comfortable with challenging conversations with colleagues. He volunteers to speak to staff who underperform. He’s good with developmental feedback, but apparently can’t tell a near stranger that all he wants is a pizza and his bed. 

He’s almost dizzy with tension when he gets out of the taxi, nodding at Even who pays the driver, adding a more than generous tip. 

‘’The entry code is 2121’’ He says, punching the number in with his gloved hand. The air is cold, his breath forming clouds in front of his face as he pushes the door to the apartment block open. 

‘’Good to know.’’ Even replies following him up the stairs. 

The flat still smells of Ikea. Of new mattresses and compressed cardboard. A little dusty and unlived in. Apart from the tidy toy box in the corner and the stack of childrens books spread over the coffee table. 

‘’Sofa. Toilet. Bedroom. Kitchen.’’ Isak points, feeling stiff as he hangs his jacket on the hook in the hallway, toeing his shoes off before disappearing into the kitchen. 

‘’It’s nice.’’ Even says quietly. He’s standing in the doorway, looking around. 

‘’Beer?’’ Isak offers, handing a small glass bottle towards him.

‘’Thanks.’’ Even smiles. And Isak wonders how he can be this calm. I mean Isak is a stranger, and here this dude is hanging his coat over a kitchen chair and taking a seat like he lives here. Like this is normal.

‘’Why don’t you stay in a hotel? I mean, your career is going well?’’ It’s a shit thing to ask. Aggressive. Not welcoming at all. ‘’I’m just curious. My sofa is hardly the Bristol Hotel. ‘’

Even strangely laughs, and the question seems to have put him at ease. 

‘’Look, you know this industry as well as I do, and just because I am working this week doesn’t mean I will be able to pay my bills the next. It’s a fickle line of work. And on top of that, the answer is simple. I really,  _ really _ , hate hotels. Hate being alone, lying there in the dark in a strange place. It drives me mad. I end up lying there with all the lights on thinking I am hearing things that aren't there. It’s just easier to crash with people. ‘’

‘’Makes sense.’’ Isak says, taking a sip of his beer. It does in a way. 

‘’I’m not a bad houseguest, I promise. I mean, I stay with my parents if I can, or with one of my sisters. They all have kids, and Uncle Even is like the king of babysitting and bedtime stories and loading the dishwasher. I do my bit to try to help. I know all the best takeaway places that deliver. And I am tidy. I won’t trash the house or have parties. I’m like the best house guest.’’

He looks so sincere, and almost a little frightened in a way that Isak can’t help crack a smile. ‘’Chill.’’ He says instead. When nothing is chill. Really. 

‘’You’re good with money. I saw your thing on Good Morning Norway. You dished out some solid advice.’’ Even says, checking his phone that is lighting up with messages. ‘’Food is 10 minutes away.’’

‘’And you are not good with money?’’ Isak counters. Yeah. Here we go again. Rude and intrusive.

‘’I’m actually damn good with money, I’ve got investments, and a property in Paris that kind of pays for itself. I dabbled in shares but I don’t really understand it. I could probably buy something here in Oslo, but, it doesn’t make sense when it’s just me.’’

‘’You need to get yourself on the housing market. Get a mortgage.’’ Isak scratches his head. ‘’It would make sense. Pay it off whilst you can then you can relax or size up.’’

He knows this stuff. It’s kind of a safe topic.

‘’Yeah. Everyone tells me. What about you? Is this all yours?’’ He waves his hand around. Keeping his eyes on Isak. Like he is reading him. 

Isak just shakes his shoulders. ‘’All mine. My ex bought me out of our mortgage, and I bought this flat outright. It’s small but it works for now. Maybe in the future when my daughter is older we will get something bigger. Somewhere where she can have a garden and some space.’’

‘’Your daughter. Emilia? Right?’’ Even smiles. ‘’Elias told me. Said she is gorgeous, and that you are an amazing dad.’’

‘’Amazing and amazing.’’ Isak smiles. It’s kind of embarrassing. A little weird. ’’She’s the one who is amazing. She’s a little shit sometimes but she is so much fun.’’ He kind of blushes. Taking another gulp of beer. 

‘’I want kids. Loads of them. I always did, you know, to have that bond. The unconditional love. That you belong together despite everything life is going to throw at you. I am still close to my mum and dad. They love me. And I adore them right back. It’s important? Yeah?’’

‘’You’re kind of normal. It’s nice.’’ Isak laughs, his body relaxing a little, the beer starting to dull his defences. 

‘’I’m nothing like what you read in the papers. So yeah, I work hard, and I go to all these parties and things, but it’s just work you know? People and places and getting seen with people who matter. It’s all bullshit at the end of the day, but it’s how you get jobs. Connections. I like people, and I don’t mind it most of the time, but it’s not real. It’s not who I am. Sorry, I sound like I am doing some crap interview again.’’ He shakes his head. ‘’I’m just me. A bit messed up and scared of the dark and I’m kind of good at what I do, but I’m a nice guy. Honestly. I think.’’ He laughs nervously pointing at his bottle. ‘’This is good stuff. I’m talking a load of shit Isak. Sorry.’’

Even’s phone goes off. ‘’Saved by delivery.’’ Isak says, letting them both draw a sigh of relief. 

They eat in silence, and Isak gulping his mouthfuls down, not even questioning Even grabbing his take away box to squeeze the wedge of lime all over Isak’s food, or opening the spice sachets with his teeth before carefully shaking the seasoning over the noodles. 

It’s food. Hot and spicy, but it’s OK. 

Even clears the table whilst Isak goes off to find some bedding. Bedding that obviously doesn't exist despite Isak’s best efforts. He forces one of the sofa cushions into a pillowcase, and cringes as he leaves Emi’s purple blanket on the side. 

Then Even appears wearing nothing but a T-shirt and some kind of miniscule pants, smelling faintly of toothpaste and a spicy soap Isak doesn’t recognize. 

‘’I left my toiletry bag on the floor under the sink. Hope you don’t mind.’’ Even says, taking a seat on the sofa. Bouncing carefully. Letting his hands stroke the coarse fabric.

‘’Sorry.’’ Isak says. 

‘’It’s fine. I appreciate it. I can sleep anywhere.’’ he replies. 

The bathroom seems alien as Isak quickly showers. Like this isn’t his home. Like he shouldn't use up all the water or something. At least his bathrobe smells like it should. Of safety and peace. Of freedom. 

‘’Good night.’’ He says carefully as he passes the sofa on his way to the bedroom. Stopping briefly to take in the long legs dangling over the armrest. The tiny blanket barely covering Even’s torso. The ridiculousness of it all. 

‘’Thank you Isak.’’ the low, deep voice comes back from the sofa. ‘’Sleep well.’’

He throws his bathrobe on the floor and let’s his body relax into the oversized duvet in his own king size bed. Smiles at the stray soft toy that still lingers between the pillows. Fluffs a pillow up with a few stern shakes, and stuffs it between his elbows. He always holds onto a pillow when Emi is not in his arms. Her little body warm and comforting against his own in the night. He can almost hear her breaths in the dark, the way she snuffles in her sleep. 

He stretches his legs out and curls them up again. Gazes over to the unused side of the bed suddenly feeling guilty. 

Even on that sofa. 

He can’t. Shouldn't. But. Whatever. 

He closes his eyes. 

Lies there shuffling about. Struggles with the thoughts in his head. Reasons with himself. Then shouts at his own excuses. 

‘’Even?’’ He calls out. 

‘’Yeah?’’ comes from the other side of the closed bedroom door. 

He gets up and yanks the door open. Because he is stupid. Because he is always so damn rude. Because he kind of feels bad. 

‘’Look, we have a long day tomorrow and a shoot that is important. You need to sleep. It’s going to get cold on that sofa. I have like a stupidly big bed in here. Just get yourself in here and go to sleep. It’s stupid you being uncomfortable when I have all this space. And anyway I don’t mind. Were both shattered. Let’s just sleep. In comfort. ‘’

Isak doesn't quite know where all that word-vomiting came from, but Evens quiet chuckle kind of unnerves him.

‘’You don’t have to. Sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable or anything. It’s just a cheap sofa. I don’t know why I bought it because it’s not even comfortable.’’

‘’It’s fine Isak. ‘’ Even says sitting up. Isak can hear him moving. The slight creak of the sofa as his body starts to stand. 

‘’Just go to sleep.’’ Isak says. Stumbling back into the dark, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Folding himself back under the covers as close to the edge as he can. As far away from the other moving body in the bed. The near stranger who is tugging slightly at the duvet. 

‘’Have you got enough of the cover?’’ Even whispers.

‘’Yeah. Good Night.’’ Isak replies. A little too fast. A little too stern. 

‘’Good Night.’’ Even replies. 

Isak strangely sleeps. Sleeps like a bloody baby. 


	6. SIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm late the laptop is messing with me!! Here we go! Chapter 6!   
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos,

At first he doesn’t even think about it. The warm skin against his hand. 

Isak wakes up and he’s still holding on. To skin. Warm skin under his fingers, his phone screeching out with that ring tone he uses for his alarm. It annoys the crap out of him but it’s the only ringtone he trusts, living on his own and knowing his own penchant for slamming his hand down on the snooze button then waking up minutes later with panic hammering in his chest. 

His hand jerks away from Even’s arm, like he has been burnt. Then he puts it back, like by instinct. Shaking vigorously. Like that is what he was doing all along. Waking him up, the man in bed next to him. The one who is curled up in all the duvet, wrapped up like a human snail in his cosy home, whilst Isak is shivering in his t-shirt and briefs. He hadn’t noticed that either. 

‘’Even!!’’ He urges. Shaking again. 

‘’Comfy,’’ Even grunts back from somewhere deep under the covers. 

‘’Up. We have like 45 minutes until we need to be on a bus. Elias will kill me if I make you late. He’s a real stickler for starting on time, you’ll notice.’’ Isak tries, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, and fumbling for his dressing gown. He’s cold. He’s so freaking cold. 

‘’I’ve known Elias since I was 12. He won’t kill me. He’ll just hold a grudge for like years. We won’t be late. Elias loves me. Really. And anyway, taxi. Don’t do buses. Or trams. People asking for selfies at 7 in the morning when everyone looks like shit. Ugh.’’

Even makes no sense, trying to sit up whilst still rolled up in the duvet. Grunting a little and yawning unashamedly whilst Isak just shudders.

‘’Coffee?’’ He offers. Scratching his head. Wondering why this feels fine. It’s nothing even like fine, but somehow. Weird. It’s weird. Weird but fine. 

‘’Nah, never liked it. Have you got green tea? Scrap that, I have my own tea bags. Just some hot water. I can sort it.’’

‘’I’m about to go on a baking competition today. I’m pretty sure I can manage to boil some water.’’ Isak calls whilst shuffling through the living room to the kitchen, whilst his stomach sinks again. Fuck. He was supposed to research. Figure out some recipes. Crap.

‘’Have you got your plan of action for today? What are you baking?’’ Even asks from over his shoulder, like he can read Isak’s mind. 

‘’No clue mate.’’ Isak laughs. ‘’It’s not even funny Even.’’ he scolds over Even’s laughter. 

‘’Elias said you were panicking. Don’t worry. I mean, it’s only pancakes for the technical.’’

‘’I’ve never made pancakes.’’ Isak mumbles. ‘’I buy them ready made frozen from IKEA’’

‘’Oh Isak.’’ Even sounds sympathetic. Or maybe he is taking the piss. It’s hard to tell, with the little giggles that tend to follow Even around. Like he is constantly in a good mood. Like nothing seems to get him down. Apart from hotels, and apparently according to Even muttering beside him, an irrational fear of public transport. And normal people. And taking selfies with strangers before 8 in the morning. Which does kind of make sense, maybe, Isak thinks, as he hands Even a cup, and carefully angles the saucepan that he has been heating up on the stove as his Nespresso machine bubbles and splurts out it’s morning song of hot liquid gold into Isak’s cup. He loves his coffee. Always did. Not that Sara approved of his extravagant coffee pods and stupid machines compared to her bloody smoothie maker and expensive wheatgrass shite. But anyway, it’s his machine. His coffee. And Even stirs his tea bag, flashing another smile Isak’s way as he takes a sip. 

‘’Sit down Isak. Let’s hash this out then.’’ he says and Isak sits down. Like it’s a command and an order. 

‘’Pancakes. Four eggs, and 400 ml milk and 200 ml flour. Pinch of salt. Add the flour to the milk through a sieve so it doesn’t go all lumpy, and make sure your batter is runny with a little thickness to it. Keep an eye on your heat, ensure that you do a small test pancake to get the color right before you do your main batch.’’ Even stares at Isak. Nods. ‘’Are you following me?’’

‘’Yeah. Think so. How do you know all this anyway?’’ Isak has to ask. Because. Well. It’s a competition. Even could be setting him up for all he know.

‘’I’m not setting you up or anything, promise.’’ Even laughs. ‘’Don’t look so sceptical. My parents ran a restaurant before they retired, and we lived in a flat above it. Then I lived with a chef for a while. She taught me stuff, and I kind of know the basics of kids food anyway since I am a very good babysitter.’’ He’s still smiling whilst it’s still far too early in the morning for Isak. ‘’So what are you doing for your showcase?’’

‘’I was thinking a batch of muffins to start, I mean it’s pretty easy and then throw some cardamom in to make it festive. Or shit.’’ Isak is so out of his depth that it’s not even funny. 

‘’Soooo, a plain cardamom muffin. It needs to be good. What are you using in your batter? Buttermilk is kind of essential for cardamon, it adds moisture.’’

‘’Buttermilk.’’ Isak replies and let’s his head fall down on the table with a thud. 

‘’Chill Isak. You will be fine.’’ And there is that laughter again. Alongside a hand ruffling Isak’s hair. Which is both comforting and bloody strange. 

‘’You’re strange.’’ He blurts out. 

‘’I know.’’ Even laughs back. ‘’Elias keeps telling me.’’

‘’What do I do with the buttermilk?’’ Isak sighs. 

And Even just laughs. Like he seems to do about everything.

***

It’s hours later, under the hot studio lights where Isak is already conscious of the damp patches forming under his arms, that things start to go wrong. 

Not only is Noora lining up ingredients from her bag, neatly labelled in little pots. Eskild is asking about food colourings, needing the exact right shade of violet to match the elaborate designs he has laid out over the counter. 

The FrognerFruer woman is wearing heels so high that Isak is already dizzy just watching her trying to balance on the spongy studio flooring, and that Magnus Fossbakken just won’t stop drumming that damn metal whisk against anything within his reach.

On top of that they are now filming the introduction of the judges. Yeah. Because it’s a competition. Like Isak hadn’t forgotten. 

Sonja Haraldsen. Of course. Serious foodie, trained chef and sought after social media influencer. Alongside Herman. Herman who only goes by the name of Herman. Because when you are a household name people will always know your face, even though nobody ever remembers your last name. He’s immaculately dressed in a suit obviously tailored to his exact measurements, his hands manicured into perfection for those close up shots, and the woman next to him, obviously his assistant, is fanning him with a paper fan, whilst pushing the thick rimmed fashionable glasses up on his nose. Then she holds out a small mirror whilst Herman inspects his image, obviously content with what he sees as he shoos the assistant away with an irritated scowl. 

‘’Positions!’’ Eva’s voice rings out through the air and Isak lines his feet up by the markings taped to the floor. He knows where to stand. How to hold his hands. 

‘’Change Valtersen’s top’’ She calls and point’s at Isak who is now shaking just a little. He should never have agreed to this. His workbench is empty. His mind is racing. And all he can remember is buttermilk. He has asked for it. They have it. And cardamon. He can do this. It’s just muffins. Right?

The purple haired stylist is back yanking Isak’s top over his head, then making him cringe with embarrassment as she roughly towels him down with the hand towel that she swiftly tucks back into her belt. Whilst Eskild hums in appreciation behind him, whispering something that Isak only half gets the gist of. Something unrepeatable that oddly makes him smile. 

‘’Arsehole’’ He calls over his shoulder whilst Eskild snickers behind him. 

‘’At least I get to view that delicious arse of yours whilst I bake. I think I’m good.’’ 

‘’I could get you done for sexual harassment.’’ Isak is joking. Truly. 

‘’You wouldn’t. Because you are loving it.’’ Eskild whispers back, before Eva shouts ‘’SILENCE!’’.

And so it begins. 

There is Even, who starts off by his now almost expected silence, letting the room just take him in, his mouth curled up in his trademark almost-smile. His eyes glittering and crinkling just a little around the edges before he finally takes a breath to introduce Sonja, who slides into view, a vision of blonde hair and white teeth. Swiftly followed by Herman who expertly reads his lines off the teleprompter, cocking his head just lightly before glancing back at Even who turns to the contestants to introduce the first challenge. 

They do it again. Patiently repeating the lines from different angles whilst Isak sweats under the bright light. He doesn't even flinch at the makeup person wiping his forehead and dusting him down with another round of powder, hoping that the wetness under his arms won’t show. 

It doesn’t. And Isak lets himself get sucked into the weird twilight zone that is film work. When he can immerse himself in his task, like he does on the financial segments of the morning show. When he feels safe in his little bubble of numbers, and rules. Just like this, but different. Because the ingredients he asked for are discreetly placed on his worktop, and his mind starts to rattle off measurements and amounts. He always had the brain for numbers. His mind is rational and precise, and he checked the recipe beforehand, memorizing the method, timings and dividing up his hour into tasks. He can do this. He can.

‘’Isak, how did your love of baking come about?’’ he hears Even’s voice somewhere on his right whilst Sonja dips a teaspoon in his almost finished batter. 

‘’Cardamon.’’ She says with a smile to the camera. ‘’You are staying traditional in your flavourings Isak. A safe choice if you can pull it off, Cardamon is notoriously tricky in baking due to its tendency to produce a dry end result. ‘’ Sonja nods into the camera then turns to Isak with a smile.

‘’I am hoping to produce a moist sponge with just a hint of flavour, something sweet to go with a morning espresso. To start off Christmas morning.’’ Isak responds feeling a little faint. He can do this. He can. ‘’And to answer your question Even, I discovered baking late in life, as an activity to do with my young daughter. Baking is great for little hands, exploring flavours and textures as well as developing an early grasp of maths.’’ Isak is just making it up as he goes along, but no one is shouting ‘’Cut!’’ and he breathes out in relief as the camera moves on to Eskild who goes off on a tangent about colour schemes and napkins and the health benefits of coconut oil before Even has even had a chance to introduce him. 

He’s surprised how well he manages to keep it together. His muffins rise to high pretty mounds, just like he was hoping, the color the right side of brown. His pancake challenge works out more than satisfactory. They need to produce a stack of 12 pancakes, and Isak does. His pancakes are uniform and clean, stacked in a pile like they were asked to. Whilst Vilde bursts into tears when her batter runs out after pancake number 10, Sana burns every single one and Jonas causes the days first ‘’Cut!!!’’ after setting his apron on fire. 

Magnus Fossbakken turns out to be a clear danger to them all, producing 12 perfect pancakes without even trying, and Noora risks the wrath of the judges by sneaking in a wholemeal flour instead of the required wheat. Linn has agreed to an egg substitute and her pancakes are surprisingly perfect whilst Mahdi hasn’t even started frying when the timer signals the end of their pretend hour.

And Isak has his shirt changed again whilst Eskild apparently sports a boner behind his apron. It’s funny how Isak just laughs. 

‘’I’m too much man for you Eskild.’’ he teases, turning around to wink at the man who pouts in his face, curling his fingers teasing him into moving closer. ‘’If you would let me, my dear Baby-Bi-Boy, I would drag you off and show you what a real man feels like, right now.’’

‘’If I would let you, you wouldn’t survive it.’’ Isak teases back, his face flushing with embarrassment at the words his mouth is churning out. He’s never like this. Never. And Eskild’s laugh just eggs him on. 

‘’You just can’t handle the fact that you want me baby.’’ Eskild purrs from behind his bench. 

‘’See?’’ Isak snickers and turns around to face him. ‘’Illusions of grandeur Eskild. I’m quite sure I can resist you.’’ 

‘’Resist who?’’ Even asks, stopping to lean against Isak’s workbench whilst Isak gratefully grabs a towel from the purple haired stylist. He needs to ask her name. He needs to stop being ridiculous with Eskild. And he needs to figure this Even out. This Even who just smiles at him. 

‘’Isak here, wants me. I mean do you blame him? Because look at all this, Even.’’ Eskild lets his hands shimmy down his hips, twirling around making the flour on his apron form a little cloud around him. Smiling seductively at Isak whilst Isak has gone all red. ‘’He could have all this and he still tries to resist me. The boy is confused, these baby bi-boys are all confused. We just need to reign him in Even, bring him over to the right side of the rainbow tracks, because Isak here needs cock, don’t you Isak? Come on Even, put him right.’’ Eskild looks at Even like he is begging. Then pouts at Isak again who now feels just as uncomfortable as he probably looks. Wiping his hands on the towel over and over whilst figuring out what the hell to say to that. 

‘’I’m not really bi Eskild.’’ he tries.

‘’Of course you’re not baby.’’ Eskild snickers. ‘’Who would be with all these glorious men on this set? I mean look at Fossbakken in those leather pants.’’ he continues. A little too loud for Isak’s liking. 

‘’What about my tight butt in these pants?’’ Magnus shouts back, not skipping a beat.

‘’Yum’’ Eskild teases. 

‘’Watch it biscuit boy.’’ Magnus warns whilst picking up a broken shard of something surprisingly purple from Eskilds workbench. ‘’What is this?’’

‘’Lavender shortbread.’’ Eskild sighs. ‘’Both nutritious, calming and pretty. Just like Isak here.’’

‘’Pretty indeed.’’ Magnus says and looks back at the biscuit. ‘’Don’t think I want to eat it though.’’ 

‘’It’s pretty to look at though?’’ Even tries, whilst his eyes wander back to Isak. 

‘’You OK Isak?’’ he almost whispers as Isak buries his face in the towel. 

He means to say yes. Whilst he is not. Not really. Because this is one of those things that has spiralled a little bit out of control. Where he should have reigned stuff in from the start. Kept his mouth shut when he could and his head down where it belongs. 

He should never agreed to this. Never let Elias talk him into this. Because he knows how these things start. How someone says something that becomes something else and then everyone assumes and nothing is ever the same again. 

The worst thing is, it’s not true. There is nothing about Isak Valtersen that is true. Nothing. He’s nothing. And that is kind of the only truth. 


	7. SEVEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer! Despite having bought a set of Kransekake moulds, I have never attempted to make it. So if anything in this chapter is bonkers or plain wrong, just tell me and I will fix it. Thank you!!!!

‘’I’m sorry if I have gone too far.’’ Eskild says, quietly leaning over towards Isak who is perched on a chair in the corner of the canteen.

Isak just wants to be alone, to sit here in peace and quiet and try to get his head back in gear without the distraction of other people and other people’s ideas of who Isak should be.

‘’Nah...’’ Isak starts, but he doesn’t really know what to say. It's only lunchtime and Isak is already exhausted, mentally, emotionally and yeah. He never wants to see another bag of flour ever again. 

‘’Look, I know I am totally over the top and I speak before I think sometimes, but honestly Isak. I am a nice decent human being underneath all the crap I churn out, and I have enjoyed our banter. I’m honestly sorry if I overstepped the mark.’’ Eskild looks genuine, and kind of mortified, making Isak blush in embarrassment.

‘’It’s fine. I don’t know what to say really Eskild. This whole thing has been overwhelming.’’

It’s as much of the truth that Isak can muster right now, because if he is really honest with himself he’s not quite sure what he is thinking. Even is intimidating. Everyone is intimidating. Eskild is fairly safe compared to the rest of the people spread out in the room picking at their lunch platters.

‘’Elias told me you needed cheering up, and I was only trying to make you loosen up a bit, so we could laugh. I can’t bear it when I have no one to laugh with. And Elias is usually spot on with people that I will like. He said I would like you, and he is right. You’re like a big grumpy papa bear hiding behind that innocent business man look you are pushing. It’s not really you, and you should really let me get you some clothes. I can show you how to do your hair.’’

‘’Eskild.’’ Isak warns, but his face is smiling. Giggling quietly.

‘’Sorry. Here I go again.’’ Eskild picks up a slice of tomato from his plate and eyes it carefully with his fingers.

‘’How do you know Elias?’’

It’s funny but if Isak didn’t know better he would have thought Eskild was blushing. A little knowing smile creeping up his cheeks.

‘’Mutual friends.’’ Eskild replies innocently, and Isak files that one away in the back of his mind. Another thing to ask Sana when he finally gets the chance to sit down with her. Not that they have had a chance to talk, because she is cornered by a group of people at another table with her hands in the air discussing something Isak can’t quite pick up on.

‘’So are you all set for your Kransekake challenge?’’ Eskild asks looking at Isak trying to look all innocent, whilst Isak flips his phone face down hiding the notes he was reading through.

‘’I’m not sure if to go freehand and pipe my rings on baking parchment or to go with the moulds. I kind of like the rustic look.’’ Isak says, grateful for the change of topic. He can discuss business, and it’s not like him and Eskild are in the same league. Eskild and the multitude of colorful spreadsheets that he retrieves from his bag, spreading them out on the table for Isak to see. A rainbow of different coloured soft pastel kransekake rings mounted into what looks like an explosion of glitter and angel dust.

‘’It’s will look amazing. And taste orgasmic. I love kransekake, and my mum always makes the best ones. This will be simple. Piece of cake. Watch me Isak, I will win “Champion Baker of the week” with this one, I just can’t go wrong. Look at the colours, and the way they blend effortlessly into the glitter at the bottom of the cake. I’m so excited. So excited.’’ Eskild does a dreamlike sigh, and lets his fingers stroke the sheets of paper, his fingertips tapping gently over the drawings.

‘’If you win you deserve it.’’ Isak smiles. He’ll be first to go home, that’s clear. Even Sana looks engrossed in the notes she has spread out on the table in front of her, she’s never been one to back down easily and he doesn’t for a second believe Elias’ fairytale of his younger sister bowing out gracefully in the first episode without a fight. She’s right on point, a contestant too good to lose. Isak wrinkles his forehead and sighs again. He needs to go and have a chat with Elias and see what his plans are, because Isak would gladly volunteer to get kicked off first.

‘’Are we good?’’ Eskild says softly, letting his hand rest on Isak’s arm.

‘’I’m not bi.’’ Isak says, a little sternly perhaps.

‘’I have a very good gaydar.’’ Eskild replies back, his voice low and stern, looking surprisingly serious. ‘’And I never thought you were. You register a big fat zero on the Eskild bi-sexual scale, and from the little things I know about you I have already made a pretty accurate decision of where you lie, and trust me baby, you should be exactly who you are because there isn’t a freaking thing you can do about it, is there? ‘’

‘’Nope.’’ Isak replies, feeling relieved for once.

‘’Because one day my dear boy, someone will blow your mind. One day you will realize that you have met someone who will love you, endlessly, until the day you die. And there won’t be a thing you can do about it than to just let them love you. I think you just haven’t realized yet, that you deserve it. You deserve to be happy, and not settle for nothing. Because that’s what you have done in the past and it’s time to throw the gray away and get some sparkle into your life. Let yourself go Isak. Go live a little. Be fucking happy.’’

It’s strange how that makes Isak’s stomach jolt, because Eskild wipes what might have been a tiny drop of wetness out of his eyes, and Isak doesn’t quite know how to read it all. How to interpret the obvious message in what Eskild just said. Because he clearly meant something with all that and whatever it was, Isak doesn’t get it.

‘’So we are good?’’ Eskild repeats.

‘’We’re good. ‘’ Isak replies. He’s not even sure what he means himself.

‘’So….Can I still mess with you? Have a laugh?’’ Yes, there is that twinkle again. The over the top twinkle in Eskild’s eye accompanied with a sparkle of laughter.

‘’Bring it on rainbow boy.’’ Isak grunts.

‘’Anytime.’’ Eskild whispers. ‘’Just say the word and I will be right down on my knees for you.’’

  
  
  
  


Isak goes head on in for the afternoon shoot, and decides on the piped kransekake, then surprises himself by pulling it off. His kransekake is pretty decent looking, a perfectly even tower of pale yellow cakes, stacked with finely piped icing and liberally dusted with icing sugar and little Norwegian flags, just the way Isak’s Grandmother used to present her Kransekake at Christmas, when she was still alive. It makes him strangely sentimental as he presents his tower to the judges, recalling memories of Christmas in her old fashioned apartment, with the imposing furniture that had seemed gigantic to him as a small boy.

It’s funny that the part of him that is nervous instantly calms down with Even’s steady voice, asking the right leading questions to make him talk. Sonja praises the texture and colour and Herman just eats, which is a good sign Isak thinks. Herman, who spat out Noora’s disaster of an undercooked kransekake, and the Frognerfruer woman that Isak now knows is called Vilde, is still in tears at her workstation after Herman choked on her chocolate and cherry liquor infused Kransekake. Isak doesn't blame him. The burning smell is still strong in the studio after Chris burnt her first attempt, but her cream filled choux bun tower looks mouthwatering, and Jonas looks crushed as Isak crosses his path with him and his Wild Garlic Kransekake. An attempt at a savoury version that is heavily covered in leaves and served with a chili dip, that the judges politely praise. Sana miraculously pulls of a pistachio and rosewater version that even looks like a cake and Mahdi’s version actually looks pretty good until his tower of rings collapses as soon as he places his plate in front of the judges. Linn’s rock hard vegan kransekake is questionable and whilst she is defiant in her pose, Eskilds rainbow explosion is clearly the winner, earning three reshoots to capture it from every angle. Although Magnus still earns his stripes with a pretty decent set of Kransekake shaped as drums, positioned with perfectly cooked drumsticks.

Isak is not even nervous as he takes his seat for the final shoot of the day, having told a stressed out Elias to ‘’just kick me off, I’ll even bring on the tears.’’ when they passed in the corridors before the afternoon coffee break. He would welcome it. The relief of not having to do this anymore, and go back to his usual routine. Although he might come down and watch during the week, just to catch up with Eva who has made it her personal quest to give him a hug whenever he tries to sneak away for a minutes peace and quiet.

‘’Silence!!’’ Eva shouts, making the chatter die down to an eerie silence as Elias’ voice rings out for Action, only to be replaced by Even’s steady calm.

‘’I can’t tell you how thrilled I am to have the honour of following you all through this first week of Hele Norge Baker, I have enjoyed every minute of not only getting to know our contestants, but seeing the talent and versatility in this room. Today has seen some surprising twists on our traditional Christmas staples, and our Sonja and Herman have had the pleasure of deciding on which of our talented bakers will walk away with this week's ‘Champion Baker’ title, as well as making the agonising choice which one of you will be leaving us at the end of todays episode. I can tell you that the judges were not unanimous in their decision but came to a very difficult truce. I wish you all the best of luck. Sonja, would you please announce this weeks Champion baker?’’

Even looks a little nervous as he hands the reins over to Sonja, who pulls off perfection in her sympathetic voice and looks genuinely thrilled to announce Eskild as the Champion of the week. Which Eskild spares no second in celebrating, full on word vomiting gratitude and praise whilst fanning himself with a spatula. It’s almost heartwarming, and Isak fills with that calm again, the feeling that they are producing something good. He’s not even remotely nervous that they are not pulling this show off, the contestants have given them enough drama to edit the first episode into an angst filled race against fire fuelled panic and collapsing cakes. They will do good. Produce something that will fill headlines and trend happily on social media, no doubt earning Elias the threat of another headhunting to a rival network, because they are all good. This is going far too well.

‘’Herman, Today’s heartbreaking task has fallen to you. I wish every single one of you could stay, and who ever leaves us today will be sadly missed next week. Each of our contestants have chosen a designated charity, and all their earnings from this show will be donated to their charities of choice. So even though we will say farewell to a contestant today, we need to remember that a donation to the charities chosen is something we should be proud of. ‘’

They cut to touch up Even’s make up, making a natural space for the designated charity film to run.

‘’Elias!!’’ Isak hisses, as Elias sweeps past with a pen in his mouth and his phone pressed to his ear.

He hasn’t nominated a charity and will have to blurb something all inclusive, because he can’t for his life think of a charity he would support. Maybe something like Unicef? Maybe something that benefits daycare centres? To be honest his brain has truly stopped functioning whilst he mindlessly wipes his sweaty hands on the apron they have all been dressed up in for the vote off. The eviction. Whatever they will decide to call it once it goes to editing.

‘’What charity are you supporting?’’ He whispers to Eskild who is still fanning himself with the damn spatula.

‘’Queer youth, sweetie. And the ‘’Football for everyone’’ campaign, Mahdi here got me into that. I think it’s great. Fit young men running around getting sweaty in a field. I am all for it. The more the merrier. Everyone should watch football.’’

‘’I’m not sure that is the vision behind the ‘’Football for everyone campaign.’’ Isak whispers. ‘’ I thought it was aimed at having an increased openness for queer football players?’’ Isak scratches his head as Eva shouts ‘’Silence!’’ and his heartbeat thunders through his chest. It will be fine. He just has to thank people and look tearful. Easy.

‘’It is with absolute sadness that this week, this baker, will leave us. He produced a brilliant opener with his raw spiced almond and strawberry breakfast crumble, but stumbled across the finishing line without a single pancake to his name. People, put your hands together for an incredible effort . Mahdi, I am so sorry, but you will be leaving us this week.’’ Herman plays apologetic and half consumed with regret well as people surround poor Mahdi who says he honestly saw that one coming. Whilst Isak’s head fills with dread of another week trying to prove he knows what he is doing with a bunch of eggs and a bag of flour. Which honestly is not very much.

‘’I’m going to kill my brother. Seriously.’’ Sana hisses in his ear. ‘’Thank God you are here, and didn't get kicked off. I need to ring work and take more time off now, my boss will rip me apart. I only took two days off, and now? I mean ELIAS!!! ‘’ She storms off in a flurry, and Isak laughs quietly, happy it’s not him at the receiving end of Sana’s anger today. She can be frightening at the best of times, but she is always solid. Fair. Honest.

‘’I’m glad you are still here.’’ the deep voice comes from behind his back. A quick pat on his shoulder and the scent of soap that makes Isak’s head a little cloudy.

‘’Yeah, me too.’’ Isak replies before he can stop himself. He doesn’t quite know why, but he is.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. EIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all the comments and kudos! It's lovely that so many of you are reading along and having a little laugh with me. And whilst we are slowburning a little, I promise things will heat up.

Wednesday feels almost normal as Isak skips down the metal stairs to studio B. Everything is normal. He has no uninvited houseguests, his bed is his own, and his life is, well, a little stressful. 

Isak is in his wearing casual clothes, having been knee jerked into letting Julian and Halvor handle today’s departmental meetings. Isak doesn’t like it, but it’s not like he can be in two places at once, and to be honest he has been up for hours already trying to get the hang of today’s challenges. He knows this stuff, and he giggles at himself as he gets scooped up by one of Eva’s hugs, her perfume almost overpowering against the electrical smells of burning coming from the technical team test running the equipment for today's shoot. He will ace today, it’s all basic skills and easy recipes. He can do this, and he knows what the finished result is supposed to look and taste like, at least the way he remembers it. Easy peasy. Piece of cake. 

Well his mood isn’t helped by the fact that Eskild is unloading some serious display plates out of his bag, lining them up on his work bench. Nor is the sight of Noora’s rustic baskets or the obvious pieces of driftwood lingering next to where Jonas Vasquez is tugging at his hair mumbling to himself whilst rearranging his paperwork. Recipes. Timings. All things that Isak has memorised to perfection, and he kind of didn’t think of the display things, now hoping that there is enough stuff in the prop room to find him some kind of christmassy plate for his buns. 

‘’Lussekatter day!!!’’ Even shouts loudly over the chatter and noise, shooting Isak one of his blinding smiles. Isak doesn’t quite know what it is, the thing that makes his body react to Even. Almost like he likes it. Like he likes the fact that Even Bech Naesheim, The Even Bech Naesheim, likes him enough to even remember that Isak exists. It’s flattering in a way. Nice. Well apart from that his face is blooming red with the blush that creeps up all over him whenever Even is around. It’s bloody ridiculous and Isak takes a deep breath and quietly reasons with himself to calm the fuck down. He’s not the kind of guy who hangs around with celebrities. He doesn’t even truly know who some of these people are, even though Vilde has friend requested him on FaceBook, which will no doubt have Sara straight on the phone to him the second he accepts that one. Normally he would ignore it and just delete it, it’s not like Isak is a fan of social media. He’s only on Facebook to catch up with what is going on, and to laugh at Sara’s ridiculous party photos. Because in a strange way he likes to see her happy, having fun, not so angry and disappointed all the time. The Sara in those photos almost looks like the Sara he used to know, the one who would laugh at him and whisper secrets in his ears. 

‘’Dude’’ Magnus calls and raises his hand to high five Isak. ‘’This is bloody brilliant fun, I mean we are getting paid to mess around with kitchen gear and then give all our hard earned cash to charity. Whatever.’’ Magnus smiles. ‘’Just to let you know I will trash you in the Lussekatt challenge. I am famous for my Lussekatter. Honestly Isak. If I were you I would just pack up and go home.’’

Magnus laugh is infectious and Isak just pretend grunts. 

‘’Go and spout your psychological warfare on someone who will fall for it Fossbakken.’’ Isak’s voice is full of laughter. ‘’You are looking at the Lussekatt master.’’

‘’People have written songs about my Lussekatter’’ Magnus crosses his arms across his chest. ‘’They are legendary.’’

‘’Tsk’’ Isak laughs. ‘’Baking is an exact science. You won’t have tasted Lussekatter like mine. Seriously. My great great Grandmothers secret recipe.’’

‘’You numberchuchers know nothing about putting passion and feelings into your hands. Because my Lussekatter are a true work of art.’’ Magnus is smiling so hard that Isak can’t help laughing.

‘’I tell you what is a work of art.’’ Eskild snickers, looping an arm around Magnus waist. ‘’It’s your lush butt in those leather trousers. They should come with a health warning, because I am seriously struggling to breathe whenever you wriggle your arse over by that station of yours.’’

Isak wishes work was more like this, a place where people laugh. It’s not like people don’t ever laugh up on the accounting floor, but it’s never like this. Free and uninhibited. Not that he would ever dare to speak to his colleagues up there the way he speaks back to Eskild, pretending to be deeply hurt that Magnus’ butt has replaced his own fine specimen on Eskild’s preferred view from the glittery rainbow workstation where Eskild throws his head back in laughter. 

‘’I think you all have gorgeous arses anyway, if anyone is in need of advice.’’ Vilde giggles and pats Isak gently on the shoulder. ‘’And anyway, I agree about a man in leather trousers. It’s very sexy. I might have to introduce it in the next season of Frogner Fruer. I might even start a trend, I mean leather trousers were all the rage in the 80ies, so I think they are due a comeback. What do you think Isak? And why haven't you accepted my friend request on Facebook?’’

‘’You friend requested Isak here on FaceBook?’’ Magnus scowls and crosses his arms again. ‘’What about me?’’

Yeah now Vilde is blushing, and preening. rubbing herself up against Magnus who clearly loves the attention. Whilst Isak feels like a third wheel again, the single bloke. The one that is never thought about like that. Even Sara had said it, that she was never sexually attracted to Isak, not at the start. But that she liked him, and they became friends and one thing led to another. Not like Vilde here who is a tight bundle of pent up sexual frustration and Magnus who is slowly wetting his lips whilst she bats her eyelashes in his face.

‘’Isak, stick your tongue back in your mouth.’’ Eskild warns behind him. ‘’We might all want a taste of your bum Magnus, but flaunting it in us poor boys faces is just cruel. Let a little gay boy dream eh?’’

‘’For your knowledge, Little gay boy, this fine arse of mine is a fully equal opportunities kind of arse. Just because I am giving this beautiful girl the eye, doesn’t mean that my fine arse hasn’t seen some good cock action in the past.’’

Magnus looks serious as well and now Vilde is truly excited, hanging off his neck in a flurry of sentences where Isak has lost the plot amongst her theory’s on threesomes. 

‘’You never stop surprising me.’’ Eskild says, and for once he seems to be stunned into silence.

‘’It’s just sex, isn't it?’’ Magnus says, and Isak thinks he now truly likes this man. This big muscular alpha male human in his bloody leather trousers who is clearly giving Vilde everything she is hoping for, pouting and smiling in her direction. ‘’Sex should be fun, and sometimes you just end up having sex with people. Everyone has a body built for sex, and sometimes I end up with men, sometimes women, I mean everyone has different equipment and sometimes it’s just fun spicing things up a little. ‘’

‘’Not everyone.’’ Isak finds his mouth has spoken before he can stop himself. ‘’Not everyone is built for sex. Some people are just naturally awkward, and some people are just bad at it. Sex. It’s not like everyone just grows up and becomes an expert.’’

‘’True’’ Eskild says, his voice tentatively quiet. ‘’But sometimes I think it boils down to chemistry. I have had really bad sex with very attractive people, and spectacular mind blowing orgasms with someone I didn’t fancy at all but who turned out to be a master at making yours truly come like a train. He became someone very special to me, and i never saw it coming. So you see Isak, I don’t think people are bad at sex, they just haven’t found that special person that makes them lose all their inhibitions and truly become the person they are meant to be. Because when you can be yourself with someone, with all your hang ups and flaws, then Sex can be the most fun thing.’’

‘’Are you all talking about sex again?’’ Even’s voice booms. ‘’Without me? I mean, I want to know what you are talking about! Isak , fill me in.’’

‘’Sex.’’ Isak blurts out before he can stop himself. ‘’Truly bad sex.’’

‘’And mind blowing orgasms.’’ Eskild says, his eyes already glazed over. 

‘’Oh.’’ Even says. 

‘’SILENCE!’’ Eva’s voice is right on cue for 9 o clock as Even twirls around and almost jumps into position on the floor whilst the purple haired stylist gives Isak a final touch up. 

‘’What’s your name?’’ He whispers. Because Isak needs to take note here, and become a nicer person. A nicer person who can have normal conversations with people without outing ridiculous truths about himself. He needs to learn to talk about the weather, discuss recipes. Normal safe topics. Not let these new found maybe-friends know that Isak is fucking useless at fucking. Not that he would call his awkward sexual history that in any sense of the word. He thinks he has resigned himself to the fact that he’s just not built for that. At all. Ever. Which makes his newfound singleness a freedom from, rather than a freedom to. And he quite likes it like that. 

‘’Pernille.’’ the purple haired girl whispers back with a smile, before the studio descends into silence.

  
  


‘’Welcome to the Hele Norge Baker studio, where our talented bakers will take on a whole new challenge of Christmas staples, with an added twist. This week we will be exploring our beloved Lussekatter, the soft moist wonders of buns filled with saffron and raisins that reminds us all exactly what Christmas should smell of. Our technical will be something we all take for granted but that is actually surprisingly hard to get right. And then we have a spectacular showcase challenge were each of our contestants will have just over an hour to present us with a Christmas dessert to make us all swoon, something that must taste just as lovely as it looks, with presentation being the key. I for once can’t wait. Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls. ‘’ Even does his pause again, angling his body until his hips are leaning against Isak’s worktop and his head twists round just enough to give the camera his best angle. 

‘’This week we are introducing a little twist of delicious drama into our regular format, just something to make this competition heat up a few notches. Adding a little fuel to the competitive Christmas log fire that we are stoking here in the studio. You see last week, our Eskild here was crowned ‘’Champion Baker’’ and thus, this week, Eskild gets to decide on an episode long ban for one rival competitor. It can be the use of an utensil, or a complete removal of a random ingredient, all in the name of throwing some hurdles in the way of the competition. So Eskild, what have you decided? Who will get their name on Santa’s naughty list this week, and what will their punishment be?’’

They are all laughing, and Isak’s stomach twists a little. Not only is Eskild good, but he knows exactly what Isak intends to create today, and could irreversibly damage his plans. Because Isak hasn’t been smart, sharing everything with Eskild. Well he makes a mental note to sharpen up. No more oversharing. Nope. 

‘’Well Even, as you know it has been a hard decision, and I can tell you I hardly slept last night trying to figure out what to have removed, and mostly who to inflict this evil deed on. You see, everyone in this room is fabulous, and by that a serious threat to myself as the current reigning Champion baker.’’ Eskild takes a little bow. ‘’But Even, I have come to my decision.’’

Then Eskild smiles and looks truly devious, something the camera man is quick to catch, Eskild’s almost evil grin captured on the monitors mounted in front of them. 

Elias is grinning like a man possessed as Eskild’s gaze sweeps the room and Isak almost laughs out loud at Eva’s attempts at holding back her own laughter as she mumbles something into her headset. 

‘’Magnus. You are truly the man who could tip me off my throne, and not only are you a skilled and dangerous contestant, you are also a menace with that whisk of yours.’’

The ‘’Silence’’ rule is swiftly ignored as everyone bursts into laughter and Elias shouts ‘’Cut’’ having to walk out of sight for a moment to stop laughing.

They shoot it again, and again. Mostly focusing on Magnus grimacing with annoyance as every single whisk is removed from his workstation, including the attachment to the blender. He tries to hide a tiny one in his back pocket which is swiftly removed by Herman, giving him a little wink as he passes by with the offending object dangling in front of the camera. Which of course leads to another cut, and a series of different angles of Magnus’ back pocket and Herman’s trying to look like he is throwing the rulebook at them all. 

Then ‘’Silence’’ rings out again followed by ‘’Action’’, followed by everyone’s eyes on Even whilst Isak goes through his ingredients in his head. Grind the saffron, mix with ¾ of a teaspoon of brandy. Soak. Add to 150 grammes of melted butter and mix with 500 ml temprated milk. 37 degrees, Pour over…..’’

He stops and takes a deep breath. Stands his feet in the designated markings on the floor and bends his body slightly before settling his gaze on the markings in front of them. He can do this. He can. Because sometimes it’s nice to realize there is something you can do. Something he can do for himself. Something that kind of makes him happy. Because standing here sweating under the studio lights like a man doomed to the gallows, Isak is oddly happy.

He takes a breath and closes his eyes as the voice rings out over the studio.

  
  


‘’I’m Even Bech Naesheim, and  _ this _ , is Hele Norge Baker.’’

  
  



	9. NINE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you are all thinking, where the hell is Even in all of this? Here he is, and you will get more Even than you bargained for so just sit tight!!

Isak almost skips down the stairs at the end of a few hours intense catch-up with his real life job, locked in his glass fronted office. The office that is now finally bathed in darkness as Isak leaves the deserted office landscape behind and briefly glances over at Elias office that is empty for once. He had left earlier shooting Isak a quick thumbs up before disappearing off into the November darkness.

Wednesday. Date night. Something Elias always talked about and Isak is almost ashamed to admit that he hasn’t even bothered to find out who it is Elias is dating. Some gorgeous girl with the right background no doubt, someone he will marry and make proud. He hopes. He understands why people make the wrong choices these days, because of how easily he made his own. And he once again gives himself a little pep talk. Never again. Isak is going to be happy. He is going to surround himself with people who are good. People who make him laugh. People who make him feel good about himself, instead of making him shrivel up to nothing.

And anyway, he smiles, it’s one more day until he gets Emilia back and he can become Daddy Isak and his life will become a fun filled rollercoaster of madness, and that is making his chest fill with warmth.

He smiles as he awkwardly shuffles into his winter coat down by reception, letting his phone balance between his teeth as his arms slide into the wooly warmth. The brightly colour coordinated reception area quiet and deserted apart from the security guard on the desk who gives Isak a lazy wave before returning his gaze to whatever it is he is reading.

‘’Isak?’’

The voice startles him, to the point that his phone drops out of his mouth, the metal against the marbled flooring giving off a worrying clatter. There goes his Iphone X no doubt.

‘’Fuck.’’ He stutters out, grappling along the floor grabbing his phone whilst his lips are saying a little prayer that the damn phone has made it.

‘’Sorry. So sorry.’’ Even says. ‘’Is your phone OK?’’

‘’Yeah. I think so. ‘’ Isak huffs and polishes the screen with his hand, making the device spring into life with a cheery smiling Emilia staring at him.

‘’She’s cute.’’ Even says softly from over his shoulder.

‘’She is.’’ Isak replies softly. ‘’Are you waiting for Elias?’’

‘’Nah. Wednesday. Date-night.’’ Even replies, sounding a little deflated.

‘’Oh.’’ Isak is slow on the uptake as usual, his brain taking a few seconds formatting the facts and circumstances. He supposes he has always been like that. Stupidly ignorant of people around him.

‘’Where are you sleeping tonight Even?’’ and there it is again, his mouth speaking before his brain can engage all the safety brakes.

‘’I was hoping I could stay with you again. If you don’t mind. Do you mind? Please say if you do because I know this is last minute and awkward as anything, but yeah. That’s me. I haven’t planned this very well, and my sister has friends staying with her all this week, their house is basically rammed with people, but she said I can stay next week. I just need a bed for he night. I’ll buy you dinner too.’’

If Isak didn’t know any better he would have thought that Even was rambling, his hands grappling with his coat pockets and his eyes full of something that Isak briefly reads as fear. Not the fear of the dark or loneliness that Isak already knows Even can’t handle, but fear of rejection. Like Isak would be an arsehole and say no. Which normally he would, because Isak is an ignorant shit person, who is truly trying here. Because there are nice people in the world. He has met people this week who have made him see things a little differently. People who are not like his usual motley crew up in the office. The interns he barely remembers the names of. The administrative staff who he drills in procedures until they produce his reports exactly the way he wants them. The accountants. The sales team. The buyers. Nameless people who do what he tells them to do, or if they don’t, get lectured and sent back to their desks like naughty school children. Maybe Isak needs this, a little wake up call to remember that he is human, and that other people are human too.

‘’Come, let’s go. But for God’s sake, can we just have something normal? Can we have pizza?’’

Isak is going for humour here whilst Even looks totally crushed.

‘’You didn’t like the Pad Thai?’’ He almost whispers. ‘’Isak, you should have told me! You need to be honest with me otherwise I will keep buying you food that you don’t like! I’m not some kind of God Isak, you can tell me to fuck off and go and get a hotel like a normal person.’’

‘’Even, Fuck off and go and get a hotel like a normal person.’’ Isak laughs. I mean, it’s a little funny.

‘’No.’’ Even says, looking defiant. ‘’I need to make up for my horrific dinner faux pas from the other night and treat you to Pizza. Amazing Pizza. My treat, and you get to choose the toppings.’’

‘’The noodles weren’t that bad, but I had crazy heartburn the next day. Really bad. I’ve got a sensitive stomach I think. It’s only used to Emilia’s kind of food these days. Plain bland stuff, you know.’’

‘’We can’t have you have heartburn.’’ Even says a matter of factly.’’I will look after your stomach. Good quality stomach-friendly pizza coming up.’’

‘’Cheese and tomato and ham. No mushroom. I hate mushrooms.’’

‘’Got It.’’ Even smiles, his face already lit by the screen on his phone, his fingers tapping furiously on the screen. ‘’One perfect bland stomach friendly pizza coming right up.’’

‘’Tram or bus?’’ Isak smiles. Whist Even grimaces wildly.

‘’I am allergic to public transport, you should know this by now. I have a taxi account, and my agent kindly pays it out of my meagre earnings each month, so let’s just live like the pseudo celebs we are and get a bloody car to get us home.’’

‘’Home?’’ Isak asks. Yeah, because he is still not quite there with dropping the being-an-arse act.

‘’Your home.’’ Even whimpers, flashing an apologetic smile. ‘’Do you want garlic dip sauce or Kebab sauce? They have Bearnaise dip too, it’s gorgeous but might be a bit rich? What do you say?’’

Isak just shakes his head, wondering what he is doing. Again. Doing the exact thing that he thinks he must have told himself he wouldn’t agree to again. He means, seriously? Even is coming home with him again, and no doubt expecting conversation over dinner then curling up under Isak’s double duvet and sleeping in Isak’s bed. Which is the exact opposite of what Isak wants right now, on so many different levels, that he can’t even get his mouth to connect to his brain before he says something dumb again.

‘’You can stay. It’s not like I have any plans, and pizza sounds good. Thank you.’’

‘’Thank you.’’ Even smiles and bumps his shoulder into Isak’s as they step out into the cold night, just as a taxi rolls up in front of them, and Even rolls off Isak’s home address like he lives there.

It’s been a good day. The funniest. Well Magnus moaned like a man possessed about not having a whisk as he mixed the liquid for his lussekatter together with wooden spoon. Then Jonas set his driftwood on fire, and the cut in filming was a welcome break for Isak to sit on the floor with Linn explaining the standards in ecological farming until his head was pretty much spinning and Chris was howling in the corner where Eskild was trying to teach her to dance the 'Baby shark'.

Isak once again got lost in his own head, as he knew he would. Well he found a plate in the prop cabinet and snuck off to cut a few branches of Christmassy pine here and there sneaking around the Christmas trees in the studio setup, earning himself a stern telling off from Eva. Well he was discreet. And Desperate. And his Lussekatt display was simple and rustic earning praise from Sonja, even though Isak is pretty sure that she hates him. She stares at him sometimes when she thinks he doesn’t notice and he doesn’t like it.

Still, he had pulled off the technical challenge of producing a perfect plate of Riskrem, light fluffy perfectly cooked porridge, that he had sprayed with a flick of cinnamon before producing a perfect light berry sauce on the side. Not like Chris whose rice was undercooked to the point of Even apologetically spitting his mouthful of porridge into a tissue whilst Herman made no effort to hide his disgust with Linn’s Coconut and brown rice Festive porridge. At least it had smelled better than Jonas Savory rice porridge, laced with wild berry marinated bacon rashers and obscure herbs from his windowsill at home. Isak likes bacon. Well he liked it. He’s not sure he can ever eat it again after the stench from Jonas workstation. Whatever he had marinated that meat in was not fit for human consumption. At least Noora had offered him a taste of her Perfect Riskrem, whilst Eskild’s purple and green Rainbow porridge was…..Well. It hadn’t been good.

Sana on the other hand had kept quiet in the back corner shocking everyone with her intricate Lussekatter, beautifully dusted with edible gold leaf. Not traditional at all but Isak struggled as much as Eskild had to hide the jealousy of her display. Her riskrem was acceptable even though Isak knows full well she burnt it. Her poise and careful smile had been both endearing and shockingly un-Sana-ish making Isak giggle softly. She could always blend in when she wanted to, yet she would stand up proud for anything she believed in. She’s a little shit, she always was and Isak laughs fondly at the only friend who has remained just that. His. The only remnant of the person Isak once was that he has realized might still be there somewhere deep inside of him. Someone that was once his own person, until he lost himself trying to be someone he never fully was.

‘’What are you thinking of?’’ Even asks quietly as Isak stomps his boots off in the hallway, still silent since they left the office block over half an hour ago. The traffic still horrendous through town and Isak now a bundle of hunger and nerves.

‘’That I am a shit person and I don’t know what I am doing most of the time.’’ Isak replies, feeling like a toddler. He’s supposed to be an adult. A grown up with a responsible enviable job, a child and his own home. Savings in the bank. Clothes on his back.

‘’Isak none of us know what we are doing most of the time. Look at me, I’m such a mess even my Dad keeps asking me to move back home so I can get a grip. Grow up. Get my head around what I really want to do with my life.’’

‘’What do you want to do Even?’’ Isak almost spits out. He doesn’t know why he is taking all this frustration out on Even of all people, because he sounds almost aggressive.

‘’I want to be happy. I just want to find a way to be really happy.’’ he replies and Isak snorts.

‘’Nobody is ever really truly happy. Shit happens all the time.’’

‘’Are you saying happiness is a myth Isak?’’ Even almost sounds intrigued. Like he enjoys discussing total crap with random strangers. Strangers like Isak.

‘’No I am saying that it’s not real. People bloody lie all the time, making out like their life is a perfect fairytale when behind closed doors things are shite.’’

‘’Yeah, I know, but there are people who are truly happy, who have found a balance and peace and that one person that makes them just beam when they are together. I mean look at Elias. He’s so happy it’s sickening.’’

Isak just huffs. Just another reminder that he is a horrible person that can’t even think to ask his closest work colleague some basic friendly questions. Things to show that he cares. He hasn’t even asked Eva if she is married or seeing anyone. She could have kids for all he knows.

He kicks the leg of the kitchen table in sheer frustration.

‘’I’m not a party person Even, and I don’t know why you are so hellbent on hanging out with me, because I am not good company. I don’t want to sit and shoot the shit over fast food every night, and then do cozy smalltalk in the morning. I just want to be alone and wallow in being me. Being exactly me. The jerk who sits on his own at home and does exactly nothing, with nobody nagging me who to be and what to say, because I always say the wrong bloody things and I’m too blunt and direct and then I’m not reserved enough and I should be more judgemental and that we should have people over for drinks and dinner and that I always wear the wrong clothes…’’ He has run out of steam again, having said too much. Fucking Even and his ability to make Isak lose his chill.

‘’I haven’t even mentioned bloody dinner parties, or clothes…’’ Even starts.

‘’Then what do you want Even? Why the hell are you here?’’ Yeah. Now Isak is shouting. Great.

‘’I want to….’’ Even stops mid sentence and turns around. Corners Isak in the kitchen where he was about to grab a bottle of beer in the fridge. Instead Even grabs the fridge door and slams it shut.

‘’You can say no Isak. I am not making you do anything you can’t put a stop to right now. It’s clear that I just guilt-tripped you into inviting me back and that you really don’t want me here and you have no idea how sad that makes me. I just want to be your friend. Because you are someone who I know from years and years back, and sometimes we just need someone to ground us. Someone who remembers who I was before all this. You are a good person, and Elias can’t stop talking about you, and to be honest I was just hoping to gain another person who would let me be their friend. Because trust me, I need friends. Real friends. But if I am making you feel uncomfortable I am going to go, because you don’t need that.’’

He almost pants with exhaustion, having said everything right there in one neverending sentence. His face etched with sadness and looking at Isak like Isak is supposed to know exactly what is going on. Because right now Isak doesn’t get it.

‘’I’m going to leave.’’ Even says. ‘’The last thing I want is to hurt you, and it’s clear you don’t want me here.’’

‘’Even.’’ Isak has finally found his voice somewhere deep down in his mess of a brain. ‘’Don’t go. Stay. Please. Please don’t…..’’

It’s no good, his arms flailing in the air behind Even who walks out in the hallway, barely grabbing his coat and bag before the door slams shut behind him.

  



	10. TEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be crossing timezones and jetting all over the place this week, so bear with me! You will get a chapter every day, and I will either post very very late at night or in the morning. If I'm late, I apologize in advance! 
> 
> I'm once again humbled and thrilled that so many of you are reading and commenting and hopefully enjoying this story. And yes it is OOC on every level, but trust me, it will all come together in the end! 
> 
> Once again a massive thank you to Lovethem2121 who is putting up with my late delivery of the text and still delivers the most awesome visuals. Also thank you to Miiru, who has supplied Oslo shots for the forthcoming chapters! xx
> 
> All the love, S xxx

‘’Even’’ Isak shouts, wearing his slippers running along the slippery frozen sidewalk. ‘’EVEN!’’

‘’Just leave me alone.’’

Even’s voice is defiant but Isak still keeps running until he manages to grab Even’s arm. Hard. Because Even might be ridiculous, but by God, Isak can be just as ridiculous when he really wants something. Not that he is quite sure what he wants but he knows this is something he is about to really mess up unless he gets his act together. Quick. 

‘’My 2-year-old throws better tantrums than you do.’’ He pants, his hand still holding onto Even’s coat sleeve, whilst Even’s feet can’t stand still. Stomping around and looking like he would rather be anywhere else than on the sidewalk outside Isak’s apartment.

‘’I told you, even my Dad thinks I’m an immature child.’’

‘’I think you are brilliant at what you do, and I keep meaning to ask Sana to give me the lowdown on who you are because she will give me the truth. Every time. But to be honest Even I have no idea what is going on right now. Zero. You are going to have to spell out what I did to upset you here because I’m only human. I can’t mind read. And most of the time I just don’t get people Even, I don’t understand all these subtle messages people send out and I definitely don’t understand when people flirt and I get things totally wrong so just…..’’

Isak has run out of steam and Even is finally standing still. Right there on the deserted sidewalk where snowflakes are just starting to form in the cold winter air. He just stands there looking at Isak like he is just as confused himself. Which is soothing in a way. Comforting. 

‘’You are such an idiot.’’ Even says quietly. 

‘’And you are a flipping Drama queen.’’ Isak says before his brain puts the screetchers on his mouth. Where the hell did that come from?

‘’Yeah, my family keep telling me. I know. I just….’’

‘’Please come inside and help me eat the Pizza that is no doubt going to turn up any second. If I have to eat the whole thing myself I might just be sick.’’

Isak is trying to go gently here. Be a little bit funny, even though he knows he sounds like a twat. 

‘’You deserve to be sick after that tantrum you just threw Isak. Your mouth should come with a health warning with all the crap you churn out. Cozy small talk in the morning? Me, I just want a blow job and a cup of tea and I’m like happy for the next 24 hours.’’

Isak involuntarily snorts again. I mean. The bloke is a total nutcase. 

‘’I just want a cup of strong espresso and check the Oslo Børs on my phone in peace and quiet. It’s not too much to ask is it?’’

‘’ No, it sounds totally reasonable to me, but, I am going to go now. Because I think I need a little time to think, and you need to sleep, and knowing myself I will end up doing something really stupid any second now and you will hate me forever. I need to get away from you.’’ 

‘’Now you are scaring me.’’ It’s frightening how Isak is honest. How he somehow has to be. Because it is Even, and Isak has never had a friend like Even before. Someone who is direct and honest and frankly….weird. In a good way. Maybe. 

So, Isak stands there, and just looks at Even, who is right there. Standing tall in front of him, with his hair all in a mess and his eyes looking full of hurt and Isak doesn’t understand what is happening or how to stop it. How to just make it right again. 

‘’Sorry. Sorry if I said something to upset you.’’ He tries. ‘’Please come back inside before we freeze to death.’’

‘’Isak…’’ Even says and then his hand is on Isak’s neck, his fingers cold against Isak’s skin as he gives Isak a little tug. Fixes his eyes on his and let’s his fingers slowly stroke the skin under Isak’s collar. It’s an odd thing to do and whilst usually Isak would have jerked away at the first attempt at someone touching him like this, it’s Even. And somehow that in Isak’s head is bringing on some crazy-ass fireworks shooting down his arms. Like he likes it. Like there is actually a place on his body where he likes being touched. 

And there it is again. The tingling in his fingers, the heat in his cheeks. The way his body goes into some kind of frazzle whenever Even looks at him. 

‘’I’m gonna go.’’ Even says, his gaze steady on Isak.

Isak would reply but his brain goes into meltdown. Because right there amongst the falling snowflakes, where the chill in the wind suddenly seems negligible, Isak Valtersen’s mouth is surrounded by the softest of kisses. His lips pressed gently onto Even’s mouth, with the grip of Even’s hand tightening at the back of his neck, making Isak pant with something he can’t even make sense of. 

‘’I’ll see you tomorrow.’’ Even says, and then he walks off, the sound of his footsteps muted by the slush forming on the pavement. 

And Isak just stands there, stunned into silence. 

  
  
  


The next morning Isak is a man on a mission, although his stomach twists with guilt over the untouched pizza boxes still sitting on his kitchen table. He chucks them carelessly in the trash on his way out into the dark morning air, his head held high and his mind going over todays recipes. Not only has he got his showcase all planned out, but he has a vintage set of glass jars tucked carefully in the rucksack slung over his shoulder, along with his grandmother’s chopping board, the one she used for cutting up her homemade loaves of bread in the rose tinted memories of his childhood. 

But most of all Isak is on a mission to fix whatever this is he has started. Because he has had quite a stern talk to himself overnight and kind of agreed to some serious home truths. Like the absolute fact that kissing a man, used to top his teenaged self’s ultimate bucket list. Not just any man, but his men of fancy used to flutter around depending on whatever he was watching on TV, and having certainly and definitely ticked off the top of his bucket list, not only with any man, but with an ex supermodel fancied by, like everyone around the world. It’s serious shit. Awesome. He had even got up in the early hours of the morning, emptying out the contents of his desk drawers to try to try to find the damn piece of paper where his angst ridden 17-year-old self had written all that crap down, and then got his phone out and to try to start a new one. He had wiped it all at 3 am and gone back to bed, only to toss and turn until his alarm shook him awake at 7. 

It’s all back in his head now though as he hangs on to the rail of the no 12 tram chugging along the snow covered streets of Oslo. It’s just snow, but the first heavy snowfall of the year covering everything in bright white, and suddenly the world is a better place. It was something his grandmother used to say. Snow makes the world a brighter happier better place. He kind of agrees, because he feels lighter than he has in years. 

Someone kissed him last night, and he didn’t even see it coming. And now his head is spinning with ridiculous fantasies of a man who is so way out of Isak’s league that it’s not even funny. Not only that, but even if he could, say, get Even to agree to kiss him again. Well he needs to back up. He needs to get Even to agree to come home with him again so he can ask questions, because Isak’s head is spinning with so many questions that he can barely function as he trips over his own feet trying to exit the tram. 

He needs a plan of action, and the only thing he can think of is finding Sana and dragging her off in a corner and begging for help. Advice. What to do. Anything. 

The doors to Studio B have barely closed before he is shoved violently against the back wall, only to have a firm grip placed on his arm and his whole body dragged off towards the deserted area behind the monitors. 

‘’You have a fucking nerve.’’ Sonja almost shrieks in his face. 

‘’What?’’ Isak shrieks back. Yeah, because he is smooth. Really smooth Isak.

‘’You can’t treat people like that, Even is crushed. You bloody crushed him. He doesn’t deserve that, he may be a wanker at the best of times but he truly doesn’t deserve being chucked out in the middle of the night and have his heart stomped all over.’’

Thank God Sonja has to breathe, because it gives Isak’s mouth a chance to speak. 

‘’I did not chuck him out, I begged him to stay!’’

That’s the truth, even Isak remembers that. 

‘’He’s not built for messing around with, Even. He’s the most loyal wonderful friend I have ever had and I will fucking protect him until the very bloody bitter end if someone tries to hurt him, and all he has done is try to get to know you and you are behaving like you just don’t fucking care.’’

She has to stop and breathe again and Isak is honestly lost again. 

‘’Please tell me what is going on Sonja. I’m completely lost here.’’

Well he is, and he’s not. But it’s not like he is going to stand here and tell a perfect stranger that he got kissed last night. And that he liked it. And that he needs to see Even and figure out exactly what this means. 

‘’Even has been in love with you since he was like 15 or something. He has crushed on you for years to the point of it being pathetic. He got over you, finally, and he has been happy. Really happy, until you pop up and weasel your way back into his life and he loses the plot. He turned up on my doorstep absolutely distraught last night, because you treat him like shit and pretend you don’t even remember him. Can you get it through that thick skull of yours how fucking hurtful that is to another human being?’’

‘’Stop!!’’ Isak almost shouts. ‘’I don’t remember him from years ago, well I kind of knew Elias hung around with this crew of really cool blokes but they were all way older than me and we never really spoke back then. I was just a friend of Elias’ sister, and no, I don’t fucking remember him. What am I supposed to remember?’’

‘’Oh just forget it.’’ Sonja snarls and shoves him violently in the chest. ‘’Even doesn’t deserve you. Never. Just stay away from him and do your fucking job before I get you disqualified for some tiny whiny technicality that you will never ever be able to prove. I’m still the judge here and Even might think the sun shines out of your arse but I see you Valtersen. I see right through you. ‘’ 

She waggles her finger whilst she takes a few steps backwards, making Isak swallow air and he’s no doubt wet the armpits of the shirt he is wearing. 

Sonja Haraldsen obviously hates him, and now he has to go and convince her that his Dronning Maud Pudding is the height of Christmas sophistication. After he has found Even. And Sana. And got a hug from Eva. Because right now he feels like he is about to burst into tears. 

  
  



	11. ELEVEN

‘’Uhm, Isak? Can I have a word?’’

Isak wants to groan a little, having just managed to escape the Tinsel-clad Christmas madness of Studio B for half an hours peace and quiet in his office up on the Accounting floor. The only thing he wants right now is to bury his head in his hands and eat the chicken salad he grabbed from the cantine, whilst being alone. Utterly alone. In peace. Left alone. In the quiet. Still wearing the most ridiculous Christmas jumper known to man, since the episode they are filming today is apparently sponsored by a local clothing chain wanting to sell the cheap nasty ridiculous pieces of clothing that the contestants are being forced to wear. Isak makes a mental note to never set foot in said clothing chain again. Honestly. Even though Even is looking a million dollars wearing something with a crazy reindeer pattern.

Not that Julian knows that, as he walks inside Isak’s office, still uninvited, closing the door carefully behind him.

‘’What. ‘’ Isak says, rubbing his eyes and sitting back up straight in his chair.

‘’Look, I might be completely out of order here, but the lads downstairs were talking and I just thought I need to mention it to you, because there is nothing worse than feeling deliberately left out of something, but none of us knew, otherwise we would have asked you ages ago.’’

Julian looks a little bit uncomfortable, squirming slightly in his chair, cocking his head the way he does, before he continues.

‘’We have this TV3-Queer support group on a Tuesday evening, just a thing where we go down to Bob’s Pub at Grønland and chill out over a few beers and they do this thing called Bolle-tirsdag, where everyone gets a free bolle with their beer. Wacky, but people like it. It’s just an opportunity to socialize and let our guard down a bit around some nice friendly people. I mean it’s just not a bunch of queers, we have a few girls from Social Media who always come, and Bernt and Arne from Technical, it’s just become a thing. Bernt’s son is Gay. He’s quite open about it, and says it’s been a huge help hanging around with people who he can talk openly with about things that his son struggles to talk about. Yeah, so anyway. Nobody knew that you were one of us, so we didn’t think to ask, but hey, now you are out, just turn up. It’s no biggie. That is if you fancy hanging out with a bunch of loons.’’ Julian rolls his eyes and smiles whilst Isak thinks he might be grimacing wildly while trying to compose himself.

‘’What exactly have the ‘boys downstairs’ been saying about me?’’ Isak says, trying to act totally calm. Because he is. It’s no big deal. WTF?

‘’Well I thought I should have guessed, after you employed Johanne, I mean she always gushes about how you totally accepted that she was Transgender without skipping a beat, you just kept asking if she was qualified to work with our systems and could keep a deadline. You are a decent boss, fair and a good person.’’

‘’Johanne is fully qualified in Xero, Kash-Flow, and Quickbooks and has a background in IT support. I would have been mad not to employ her. ‘’ Isak replies dryly.

‘’You pretty much forced Gunnar to take paternity leave even though he tried every trick in the book not to. You were pretty much GOD to the ladies in admin after that. They still think Gunnar is a twat but whatever…’’

‘’Julian’’ Isak’s voice is stern. ‘’You are rambling. I asked a simple question.’’

‘’Yes.’’ It’s clear Julian is stalling here. Trying to dig himself out of something he shouldn’t have even mentioned to start with, even though Isak does realize he is trying to be kind and inclusive. Traits that Isak can appreciate.

‘’What are people saying about me?’’

‘’That you are bisexual and apparently totally open about it down on the studio floor, yet none of us ever knew. I could have totally missed it of course, in case you at some point told us, but as one of the founders of the TV3-Queer group I just wanted to apologize that I haven’t included you in the mailing list, nor added you to the Social media pages. ‘’

Isak almost feels relieved, laughing in a way that makes him cough as he tries to gather his brain that is pinballing his thoughts around in the chaotic mess that currently is Isak Valtersen.

‘’Okay.’’ He laughs. It’s awkward, but fuck it could have been worse. He honestly thought Julian was coming to read him the riot act on some missed deadline, or worse some kind of insider dealing shite he had dug up that made Isak going as a contestant on this bloody baking show of Elias’ cause Isak to immediately have to resign in shame and stand trial for embezzlement….or something.

‘’Look. Julian. It’s nothing I have ever thought I had to explain about myself. I am a private person and I don’t think who I fancy and who I don’t is anyone’s business but mine. Is that clear?’’

‘’Crystal.’’ Julian is nodding like a puppet.

‘’But, I am not ashamed of anything. People are people in whatever shape or form they take and as long we are all doing our jobs and being decent human beings, were all good. I’m good. I’m still trying to cope with being a single parent.’’

To be honest Isak is rambling himself, and he knows what he is. He’s not asexual, because he can wank with the best of them if he feels so inclined. He’s definitely not straight. He probably falls somewhere in the pan-demi bracket but to be honest he doesn’t care. Labels are for clothes he thinks to himself and kind of laughs at Julian’s still confused face.

‘’Add me to the damn mailing list, but I won’t promise to turn up for anything.’’

The sheer joy and relief on Julian’s face makes Isak chuckle. ‘’And email me those estimated cash-flow charts, they should have been done yesterday.’’

His life has become a joke. What on earth has he done?

  


At least he turns out a perfect Dronning Maud Pudding, served in glass jars lined up neatly on his Grandmother’s chopping board. She would have been proud. Nodded with a little smile on her face at the old fashioned cloth christmas napkins he borrowed from the prop cabinet, and the raspberries he found on Noora’s workbench after she went up to film her presentation. It wasn’t stealing, he intended to give them back after. Well Herman had popped them in his mouth and Sonja had stiffly nodded and complemented the flavour and texture whilst Isak squirmed like a trapped fish in a net and Even.

Even won’t even look at him. He has been fluffing his lines all day, and he looks a total mess, even Isak can see that. He can’t have slept at all last night, and his skin looks grey with tiredness.

Not that Isak has had a chance to speak with him, because Sonja keeps dragging him away whenever Isak goes anywhere near him.

Sana doesn’t stand a chance once Elias shouts ‘’Cut!’’ for the afternoon break, as he desperately corners her behind the set, her hands still covered in cream from her spiced Multekrem creation (that won the judge’s praise for it’s innovative presentation in Sana’s Mum’s moroccan glass bowls.)

‘’Isak.’’ She says, like always does. Like she is tasting his name on her tongue and in a way telling him she is all his. That he now has her undivided attention until life pulls her away again. It usually does. She’s a busy woman.

‘’Even’’ He blurts out. Like he could really hide his desperation in finding out what she knows.

‘’Even’’ She says slowly. Yes, she is dragging it out on purpose, her smug smile totally obvious. ‘’One of Elias crew, has hung around our house like a bad smell since forever. Honestly. Has my Mum wrapped so tightly around his little finger that she has probably added him on the list of possible people that she thinks I should let my daughter marry. It’s that bad Isak. ‘’

‘’Did we hang around with him?’’

‘’Well, he was always around, don’t you remember? Maybe he was a bit more scruffy and spotty looking than he is these days, but, I mean he’s still always around. What exactly are you asking Isak?’’

Like she doesn’t know, that little smile still on her lips, and her arms are crossed over her chest.

‘’I like him.’’ He says. Well it’s time to haul out the truths, because since he apparently is liberally spraying his private life around the office he might as well. And he knows Sana well enough to know that lying would get him nowhere.

‘’I like him too. He’s a genuinely nice guy, and has done really well for himself. He’s really good with kids and can cook a mean couscous. And you know how picky I am about my cous cous.’’

‘’Sana’’ Isak whinges.

‘’Isak’’ She replies, her tone low and stern. ‘’You will have to sort this one out yourself, because I am not doing your dirty work however much I am dying to knock your skull into that other thick one of Even's, this is not my business and not my fallout.’’

‘’Then what do I do Sana?’’ he whines.

She just winks as Isak’s phone lights up with a tirade of messages.

**SARA: Just reminding you the new last pickup time is 17.30 at daycare. I have left clothes under the pram as she now wears size 2-3 incase you haven’t bought her new trousers. Last week you sent her to nursery in stuff that was labelled 9-12 months.**

Nice. Passive aggressive again reminding him that he is useless and pathetic.

**ISAK: Thank you. I do have a wardrobe full of well fitting clothes for our daughter, and have donated anything outgrown to the recent daycare charity-drive. I will remember to pick Emi up on time. Enjoy your weekend away.**

**SARA: You do remember that you have no daycare for Emilia tomorrow? I trust you have made arrangements?**

**ISAK: I am a fully functioning human being Sara.**

He’s not. Obviously.

‘’Sana’’ he hisses and takes a few steps running after her down the corridor towards the canteen.

‘’Yes Isak?’’

‘’Can your Mum have Emi tomorrow?’’

‘’No babes, she’s working, but since I am getting my arse kicked off this show this afternoon, I will happily take Emi to playgroup at the Mosque. Chill Isak. ‘’

‘’If you get kicked off this show I will eat my own weight in that Multekrem of yours. You are going nowhere. If anyone is getting kicked off it will be me. ‘’

‘’Isak, you are an idiot.’’

‘’And you, babes, are pretty amazing.’’

‘’I know.’’ Sana muses. ‘’Try telling that to the jerk who calls himself my brother.’’

  


Even looks happy for the first time just before 4 when they finally film the Champion Baker segment, crowning Sana the winner of Episode 2. Which makes her preen and squirm in equal measures wearing some pink disaster of a festive jumper whilst Isak might be cheering a little too loudly and Elias is scratching his head.

‘’She’s good Elias.’’ Isak mutters in his ear whilst they set up for the last segment where the person leaving the show will be announced. Magnus looks grim having messed up his Christmas Trollkrem roulade, his meringue tough and listless after having had no whisk. His cream too stiff and his berry glaze a mess. Jonas is quiet and resigned, his Delfiakake having broken apart on his driftwood platter and Chris is looking tearful over the harsh criticism of her Brunost Cheesecake, and Noora is quite literally shaking like her own perfect Karamellpudding. Eskild is the only one who his calm having somehow pulled off a traditional baked old-fashioned cheese curd dessert accompanied by a trio of rainbow coloured Jams. It’s Linn who breaks down in tears, falling listlessly into Vilde’s over-sympathetic embrace, before Herman has even spoken her name, and Isak for once feels sorry for her. She had done well with her Vegan nut and date dessert, even though Sonja said it tasted like dust, Herman refused to try it and Isak had kept his eyes on Even as he spat his mouthful out in a napkin.

And Isak sighs loudly, throwing his arms up in despair as Elias demand they film it again. He needs to go. He told Elias he needs to go. Eva knows he will be walking out the studio doors at 5 o'clock, on the dot, he doesn’t care if they are in the middle of filming, he is going to go get his baby from daycare on time. Because to be honest everything else can wait.

He knows he is being filmed as he walks out, mid-filming. He knows, seeing Elias smug grin, that the footage they are getting off him walking off the set will be angled and twisted and used to show him throwing some kind of irrational tantrum. It will make fantastic TV, and somewhere in his messed up brain he can see the trailer for the series, featuring his sorry self making a spectacle of his professional image.

He still throws his coat over his shoulders and runs. Because the love of his life is waiting for him and the little madam does not like to be kept waiting.

  
  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just once again do a massive shout out to LOVETHEM2121 who does a freaking fantastic job with the visuals, producing the most gorgeous picture collages to go with this fic. I am just overwhelmed. I love it. So so much!! xxx

She shrieks when she sees him, standing by the gate inside the warm vestibule of the daycare centre, the smell of little damp boots and winter clothing and mud thick in the air, matched by the quiet noise of the children milling around in the large open plan space that Emi calls home during daylight hours. She loves it there, a well run council daycare-centre, with organic on-site cooked meals and daily play sessions in the nearby woodland park whatever the weather. She is having an inner city upbringing, but with everything the city of Oslo can provide right on her doorstep.

‘’Papapapapapapapa’’ she rambles as he lifts her up and buries his nose in her hair. She smells like she always does. Of memories and home and fun and laughter. Of everything he needs to breathe.

‘’Hi baby Emi’’ He coos into her neck. Takes another deep breath to top up his supply of love-hormones and happiness that Emi spreads freely in her tumultuous wake.

‘’Pappa home, and Emi eat Nuggets? Happy Nuggets?’’ she asks, loud enough to get Isak stared at disapprovingly by one of the daycare workers. All their well meaning organic nutrition destroyed in one foul trip to McDonalds. Well they don’t have McDonalds every day. Honestly.

‘’No baby, we are having nice home made vegetable stew today. Isak lies and shoots of a little nod at Emi’s Key worker who ticks her off the attendance list on the wall. They are having Mcdonalds. Even Isak fancies a Big Mac after the day he has just had.

He dresses her in her waterproof thermal overalls, fastening her snow boots firmly around her ankles. The thick padded hat snagging the curls under her chin, and he wipes the snot gathering under her nose away with his sleeve.

‘’You and me are going to have so much fun.’’ He coos, tapping her nose with his finger.

‘’Bike?’’ She questions, her eyes wide with excitement.

‘’No, baby, too much snow for the bike. But we are going to go and look at the Christmas trees down on Kiellands plass. And we are buying some decorations for when it’s the first of Advent, and then, we need to sort out an Advent calendar for you. A nice one with pretty little parcels that you can open every day in december. ‘’

‘’Presents?’’ Emi claps her hands and tries to squirm out of his half embrace. ‘’Nuno, Nuno! Emi presents!!!’’

The little boy next to them looks green with jealousy as his mother laughs. ‘’Good luck with that.” She nods approvingly at Isak giving him another supportive smile. “Nuno, now let Mummy zip up your snowsuit, otherwise you will get cold. Come on, chop chop. Your brother is in the pram outside waiting for us and they said it’s going to snow again tonight so we need to get home. ‘’

She smiles sweetly at Isak, and Isak nods back. It’s not like he makes a habit of talking to the other parents at the day care centre, and he needs to take baby steps. One little bit of kindness at a time. No more trying to make friends today however much Emi is trying to hug the other little boy whilst his Mum is trying to strap him into her massive all terrain pram whilst another child, who Isak thinks must be the said brother, shrieks like a possessed banshee.

‘’Please Emi, let’s get you in the pram.’’ Isak begs, holding the flaps of the fleece lined cozy toes open so she can climb in.

‘’Walk!!’’ Emi shrieks and runs off in the opposite direction.

‘’Emi!!’’ Isak shouts.

‘’Kids eh?’’ The mother sighs, whilst looking resigned at her own brood, both who are now making annoying loud inhumane sounds and apparently finding it funny. Whilst Isak catches Emi and pretty much shoves her into the cozy toes cover with a well practiced manoeuvre.

‘’Have a good evening.’’ He says, trying to contain his laughter at the Mother who is just staring at her children with a resigned look on her face.

‘’You too.’’ she says quietly. ‘’I’ll need a big glass of wine after bedtime tonight.’’

‘’I know the feeling.’’ Isak laughs.

  
  
  
  


He doesn’t even realize how exhausted he is before he falls back down on the sofa, having carefully placed a sleeping Emi in the middle of his bed. They had had the best evening, chatting away drowning their sorrows in some highly un-nutritious fast food, then playing in the snow on the way home, not even bothering with the wetness of Isak’s trouser legs or that his completely unsuitable knitted gloves were now wet hanging up on the shower rail in the bathroom, the drips still echoing through the otherwise empty apartment.

They had also picked up the box of Christmas decoration he had ordered online, baubles and tinsel, and strings of multicoloured lights that had made Emi shriek with excitement. He’s pleased he ordered too much. Thrilled with the look on her face when he pulled out the knitted rustic looking Santa thing that was probably made in China by underpaid factory workers, but it looks great. And Emi loved it so he bloody adores it.

It’s almost like he has come back to life having her back, like things don’t matter as much and his chest is lighter.And the fact that he has muted the messages from Sara reminding him of a million things that he would rather forget. Because since Elias is being a twat and not getting him voted off the show, he will just have to wing it tomorrow and bring Emi to work. She will love it. Eva will love it. Sana will throw her around in the air and Eskild will probably call him his little Daddy-bi-boy and make Emi all confused but whatever. They are filming episode 3, and the theme is bread. Simple. He can bake a loaf of bread in his sleep. Or three.

Isak has made a little plan in his head. Well it’s a stupid plan, but he kind of needs to do this, because even though Even is not really his responsibility, he still feels guilty over the state of the man today, because Even was miserable and it’s probably Isak’s fault. He still doesn’t fully understand it all but he’s somehow hurt that man and in the new bucket list that sits leisurely in Isak’s head, he seems to remember that he is trying to be a good person. Make friends that matter. Surround himself with people who love him for who he is, not because of who he is with or what he is supposed to be. It’s a plan. Something to focus on, since that damn teenage bucket list made its way back into his brain.

**ISAK: Elias. Have you got Even’s number?**

He deletes it before sending. Of course Elias has Even’s number.

**ISAK: Will you please let me have Even’s number.**

**ELIAS: I thought you would never ask.**

**ISAK: Thank you.**

The number pops up in the feed, a small contact card burning a virtual hole in his screen.

**ELIAS: Don’t start something you can’t finish because you may rank above me at work but I will bring you down if you hurt him. I’m not joking Valtersen.**

**ISAK: Why is everyone threatening me today? And why the hell am I still a contestant? I was supposed to get voted off first?**

**ELIAS: Shut up and ring Even. I won’t even reply to that.**

The phone goes blank, not even a speech bubble forming on the screen.

  


**ISAK: Hi Even, it’s Isak. I’m sorry. Can you please please just talk to me? Please.**

There are too many pleases in that sentence but he still sends it. Shuddering lightly with nerves.

The reply makes him jump.

**EVEN: I’m not sure that that is a good idea.**

**ISAK: Can you at least tell me where you are? Are you staying with Sonja? She absolutely hates me and I need to know why.**

**EVEN: I’m being all adult and responsible staying in a proper hotel.**

**ISAK: Oh Even.**

He feels like an idiot sending that, but he can’t have that. He knows how much Even hates staying on his own. In hotels. He has kind of told him, alot.

**ISAK: Please come home. Please come and stay with me.**

**EVEN: Your daughter is with you this week, so I can’t.**

**ISAK: Bullshit. She’s 2. She’s awesome, and asleep. Just come and stay on my shit sofa. Please.**

**EVEN: It’s not fair. Not on you, not on your kid and not on me. Please just leave me alone and good luck tomorrow. I’m sure that you will do well.**

**ISAK: I** **_will_ ** **do well tomorrow, but I will do even better if I know that you are OK, and YOU will do better when you have slept.**

**EVEN: Don’t pretend you care when you don’t.**

**ISAK: I do care, if I didn’t care I would be sitting here nursing a beer and watching the hockey instead of trying to see if I can pinpoint down where you are so I can come and get you.**

**EVEN: Lies. You have your daughter there. You are not going anywhere and I am going to try to go to sleep so I can do my job tomorrow.**

**ISAK: Try me. Where are you Even?**

**EVEN: Why Isak? Why would I?**

**ISAK: Where. Are. You. ?**

**EVEN: So damn bossy.**

**_Even Bech Næsheim shared his location with you._ **

  
  



	13. THIRTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going off the grid now for the next 24 hours, so the next chapter will go up for the 14th. Sorry about the early posting but at least you get the chapter on time!! xxx

It’s funny how being an adult means you can get away with murder. Well not literal murder, but an adult wearing a proper jacket and boots, pushing a posh pushchair with a bundled up toddler asleep in amongst the blanket and snowsuit that he has carefully padded around Emi’s little body, doesn’t look out of place anywhere. Especially not at night when people just give him sympathetic smiles thinking, poor Dad, he has gotten himself into a dreadful routine there having to walk around the snowy streets at night just so his kid will fall asleep. It’s actually quite peaceful, the snow flakes falling silently around him and the street lights flickering in the heavy downfall. 

And it’s not like the staff at the Comfort hotel on Jærnbanetorget even bat an eyelid as he enters pushing the pram, confidently making his way over towards the reception, hoping that Even has checked in using his own name. He knows some of the celebs that TV3 has the pleasure of hosting prefer to be booked in under a company or agency name, or under stupid code names that make them sound like pretentious twats before Isak has even approved the ridiculous expenses demanded by the TV3 Talent department. 

He pulls his hat off his head and smiles apologetically at the guy behind the desk, clearing his throat to start talking as his name is spoken behind his back. 

Because there he is, bundled up in his parka with his damn bag on his shoulder and a look on his face that is pure relief. 

And that’s another good thing about being an adult. You can actually throw your arms around someone and hug the shit out of them without being a total weirdo. Even though Even is laughing softly somewhere near his neck, whispering ‘’Good thing you turned up, I was looking like a right plonker sitting here with my bag. Couldn’t stay up in that room a minute longer I felt like an animal trapped in a cage. I go stir crazy on my own like that. I hate it. I really really hate it.’’

‘’I know.’’ Isak says softly. ‘’Come on, let’s go home.’’

  
  


He grabs Even’s bag, and slides it carefully into the basket under the pram, as Even takes the handle and pushes Emi out the door, back into the cold which feels like a relief after standing in the heated hotel lobby dressed in full winter gear. 

‘’Do you mind if I push?’’ Even asks. ‘’It gives me something to do. Something to do with my hands.’’

Isak doesn’t mind, shoving his glove clad hands in his pockets. They walk slowly through the streets, letting the snow cover the ground around them as the shop displays scream out their festive messages and blinking lights, a few restaurants still serving the customers lingering for desserts. 

‘’Can I ask you something?’’ Isak starts, tentatively trying to feel his way around saying the right thing.

‘’As long as you don’t shout at me, because I can’t bear it. But you can ask me anything.’’

‘’Why are you so scared of being on your own?’’ It’s not the question he was going to ask but his brain just blurts it out before he can think.

‘’I don’t know, there is no big drama or reason behind it. I suppose growing up in a big super close family, I never craved my own company, I was always happier when I was surrounded by people. I still just really hate being alone, especially in unfamiliar surroundings and when it’s dark. Things always become worse in the dark.’’

‘’There’s no such things as ghosts you know.’’ Isak tries. I mean. But then he knows what Even is saying. Things always get worse at night. 

‘’Nobody knows that. I kind of like to think that there are the spirits of people we knew watching over us.’’

‘’Yeah but, I mean, whenever people try to prove that ghosts exist they are always some poor servant girl who turns up floating through the wall in the middle of the night in her 18-century clothing crying over her lost lover or something. You never hear of a ghost dressed as Britney Spears in 2007 coming through the walls howling ‘’It’s Britney Bitch’’, do you?’’

He smiles into his jacket, hearing Even chuckle beside him. It’s good that they can talk. Laugh.

‘’I didn’t come up with that one on my own.’’ Isak continues. ‘’I read it on Jodel, and it made me laugh, but it makes sense, don’t you think?’’

‘’It wouldn't have surprised me if that hotel was haunted by a whole team of Britney ghosts. Their rooms were creepy. ‘’ Even still sounds like he is laughing though. 

‘’Anyway’’ he continues. ‘’My turn to ask something.’’

‘’Shoot.’’ Isak smiles.

‘’Why did you split up with Emi’s mum?’’ Even doesn’t even stutter. Just asks. Whilst Isak swallows loudly.

‘’Because I wasn’t brave enough to stay. I took the easy way out and left.’’

‘’I don’t believe that. It takes a lot of courage and strength to leave a relationship, especially when you have a child. Why weren’t you happy?’’

  
  


It’s scary how easy it is to be honest with Even. How Isak doesn’t even think to lie.

‘’Because I was crap at sex. I didn’t give her what she needed and what she honestly deserved. Sara is beautiful, she has this perfect body, and when things were good, I loved her. I really really did. But she could also be mean and judgemental and rude and...I don’t know. When it boiled down to it, we never had sex. I didn’t want to and she didn’t want me anywhere near her. We were just two people bouncing around in a house that felt like a warzone, where we fought about tiny little details and in the middle was Emi who we both loved to bits, but it wasn’t fair on her. It wasn’t fair on Emi to have a mother who cried in the night because her partner wasn't there to comfort her because he was scared that if he touched her she would want more. That if I hugged her, she might think she could have me. It wasn’t fair on Emi to have a father who hated who he had become. It became unbearable and one night I just left.’’

He has to stop and take a deep breath. He’s never told that to anyone before. Not like that.

‘’What are you Isak? What do you identify as?’’ Even’s voice is calm. Calm and reassuring.

‘’Sex wise?’’ Isak’s voice is still shaking. ‘’Sex is not for me. I can’t do it right. I just don’t like it.’’

‘’That’s fine. That’s absolutely fine Isak.’’

‘’It’s not, because I am a freaking grown up and I am supposed to be this red hot perma-horny  male wanking to porn every night and it’s just not who I am.’’

‘’Isak, you don’t have to explain yourself. Nobody has to put a label on you, and I’m sorry that I asked. But sex is something that is so wide and large and unexplainable and everyone's perception of it is different. You don’t have to conform. Just be who you are.’’

‘’I’m just nothing. I’m almost thirty and a dad with a good job and my own home and I just don’t even understand why people gush over sticking your dick in a vagina. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.’’

‘’Well I wouldn't know.’’ Even laughs, his chuckles echoing through the houses on the narrow lane they are climbing towards the top of Torshov. The soft light of Advent Candle Holders and stars already randomly placed in the windows of the apartments they pass. ‘’I skipped straight past having sex with girls and went all in for boys. Much more my thing. I never got the attraction to boobs and pussy, even though Sonja tried hard to teach me the delights of a bit of straight sex. It wasn’t for me. I was always into flat chested boys with broad shoulders and curls and dimples. In case you were wondering.’’ 

Even goes quiet, and looks over at Isak who pretends to be looking at the ground. Trailing his feet and digging his hands even deeper in his pockets.

‘’Sonja said you had been in love with me.’’ It seems a reasonable way to start to ask. Hope that Even will tell him. Because it would be much easier if he could just understand. 

‘’She said she tore you a new one today. Sorry. She’s very protective of me and she will fight like a Tiger Mum if she thinks anyone wants to hurt me. She’s always been like that since the day she rescued me from some bully in 6th grade. Picked me up and brushed me off and told me I was her boyfriend. Just like that. It was quite surreal for a skinny kid with a bad haircut and too many freckles, but she’s always loved me. And I will love her back to the day I die. It’s just the way things are Isak. She married Torstein two years ago, and he worships the ground she walks on, which is exactly how it should be. He works from home and when he gets up at 7 to start his day and finds me sleeping on a blow up mattress under his desk, it’s not always the best way to keep in his good books. He’s a patient man but I know I drive him crazy.’’

‘’But why? You didn’t even know me?’’ He has to stop to punch the code in the door, automatically reaching down to help Even carry the pram up the steps into the hallway. Even, who stays silent and seemingly deep in thought.

They work in silence, Even sorting out his bag whilst Isak places Emi back in bed, tucked in and snug with her blanket around her, her cheeks red and cold from her impromptu evening walk. 

He lets himself sit there, holding his phone in his hand. Just watches his daughter sleep as his fingers fly over the screen.

ISAK: Answer me honestly, was I really that bad at the sex thing?

SARA: Are you drunk?

ISAK: No. I’m just thinking to much.

SARA: Are you thinking that you want to sleep with someone?

ISAK: Says the woman who is away on a dirty weekend with someone she met on Tinder.

SARA: I’m a single adult woman and I am allowed to be a total slut. 

ISAK: Absolutely. You deserve to let go and have some fun.

SARA: I’m not having fun, I am getting laid. Epically.

ISAK: Rub it in. 

SARA: You are allowed to find someone Isak. You are allowed to be happy.

ISAK: It’s not that easy.

SARA: You were never bad at sex. You just didn’t fancy me. 

ISAK: I did fancy you. You are beautiful and sexy and attractive.

SARA: You were never into me that way, and Isak, you can admit it. It’s OK. It’s time for you to stop the bloody guilt trip. You don’t want to be with me and I don’t want to be with you. It’s OK Isak. We are doing okay now, aren’t we?

ISAK: Yeah. We are OK.

SARA: So who is it you want to sleep with?

ISAK: I don’t want to sleep with anyone. I just asked a simple question. Am I really bad at sex?

SARA: No. You are clumsy and nervous and never into it. That doesn’t mean you are bad at it. You are the best person I know and you are Emi’s Dad. That will never change, and I will always love you for sharing her with me. But you need to find someone that makes you happy Isak. Someone who you want to have sex with, not because you are supposed to or because I tell you to. 

ISAK: That would be fucked up. You telling me to have sex with someone. 

SARA: GO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE. And leave me to have my dirty weekend away. Unless Emi needs to go to hospital or the world is going to end, don’t text me. 

ISAK: Still so bloody bossy.

SARA: Night babe.

He gets up and slips out of his jeans, letting them fall to the floor with a dull clunk from his belt buckle hitting the floor. Unbuttons his shirt , throwing it carelessly on the floor and leaves his t-shirt on. He should probably go brush his teeth, but right now he can’t be arsed. He just needs to lie down in bed, right here, and breathe for little while, to the soundtrack of Even brushing his teeth in the bathroom. The slow hum of the water sloshing into the sink. The soft click of the light switch when the hallway goes dark. 

Isak Valtersen is home. His baby is home. And there is a man wearing ridiculous cartoon boxers teamed with a washed out designer t-shirt, who makes Isak’s mouth curl into a little smile, climbing into his bed, carefully negotiating the covers so he won’t wake the baby girl sleeping in between them.

  
  



	14. FOURTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely comments and ideas and theory's and fun! It makes my day to receive them so please keep them coming! Huge shoutout to Treehouse and MiniOCIsland who are running their amazing Swedish Advent calendar story alongside me, I am loving it, and staying in a hotel will never be the same again, and that is from someone who spent years working the night shift in a large hotel. Major kudos to the two of them!! (big kiss people!!) Go and read it if you can read scandi, it is lovely!!

It’s far too early, he knows that by the clock projecting on the ceiling, and the ache in his bones. Far too early. He curls into himself, reaching out for Emi as by instinct only for his hand to pad around a cold empty bed.

There is also the fact, he realizes once his eyes have adjusted to the dark, that the door to the bedroom is closed, which he never does, and the light seeping through from underneath it carries the sound of the TV and muffled laughter.

He doesn’t know what to think of it all, the fact that he stumbles out into the living room looking like some kind of deranged morning monster, his hair on edge and his mouth tasting of crap. But there they are, all snuggled up on the sofa, Even barely covered by the purple unicorn blanket and Emi pointing at the tv and shouting ‘’Puppy! Puppy!!’’

‘’I hope we didn’t wake you.’’ Even smiles.

Like this is normal. Like his baby daughter should be up at, what is it? 6 in the morning? Looking perfectly happy and Even has even put socks on her little feet and there is a plate on the coffee table with perfectly cut up fruit, and little pieces of bread crusts lingering on the side like Emi does when she eats. Even obviously knows his way around a two-year-old, and she still hasn’t even acknowledged him standing there tugging at his hair with a ridiculous smile on his face.

‘’What are you watching baby girl?’’ He starts, sitting carefully down on the sofa whilst Even reaches out and pats him on the shoulder. Like to calm him down. Like to say, this is fine. I’ve got this. And I’ve even cut the grapes up lengthways just like the childcare websites recommend.

‘’Eben more kitty cats. Emi watch kitty cat do bleaurhgughahg’’ She looks expectantly at Even, who laughs like she is the funniest thing in the world.

‘’That was disgusting Emi. No more vomiting kittens.’’

‘’Eben Emi watch kitty!!’’

‘’What are you showing her?’’ Isak laughs as Even taps away at his phone, effortlessly streaming the video to the screen with a flick of his hand.

‘’Funniest animal videos on YouTube. My niece is obsessed with it. There are some good ones on Vine too, otherwise Daily motion is great for kids stuff.’’

‘’My two-year-old is watching YouTube.’’ Isak says, sounding resigned.

‘’It’s educational.’’ Even laughs, just as a poor kitten coughs up a furball on the screen and Emi erupts into laughter. ‘’Again again again!!!’’

‘’What about the doggy that fell into the water? Shall we show Pappa that one?’’

‘’Kitty!!! More kitty!!’’ Emi shrieks and climbs all over Even as he reloads the video and presses play.

‘’What does Emi usually watch?’’ Even looks bemused as Isak squirms.

‘’I’ve got all these educational videos, Math adventures. Baby Einstein. Spanish. Baby sign language.’’ Isak feels stupidly almost embarrassed. Trying to justify himself when there is really no need to. ’’Some of them are really fun.’’

‘’So I have totally corrupted your kid. Awesome.’’ Even beams.

‘’Yup.’’ Isak throws himself back on the sofa whilst Emi pats him absentmindedly on his tummy.

‘’Papapap’’

‘’I would have made you an espresso but I wasn’t sure how to work your machine. It’s very slick and high tech and I couldn’t seem to find the right button.’’

‘’It’s six in the morning Even.’’

‘’It is indeed, grumpy, but Emi and I are up and we have kind of bonded and it’s almost Christmas so we thought we would kind of have a cozy morning chill out. Let you sleep in. You need to buy some candles for your table here, because that would make it even cozier. What do you think Emi? Shall Uncle Even go and get some candles for Isak and Emi? As a present?’’

‘’Present!!’’ Emi claps her hands ‘’Advnet presents. Pappa you said Emi presents. Lots of presents.’’

‘’Yes baby, Pappa is going to get you a age appropriate educational Advent Calendar with little presents that you can open every day.’’ Isak nods. He’s a good Dad. Honestly. And he needs coffee.

‘’Emi, Pappa is going to get you a great Advent calendar with some really cool stuff, but Uncle Even knows where you can buy Chocolate Advent Calendars. If you are a good girl then maybe Uncle Even will get you one.’’

‘’Sara will have your head on a plate.’’ Isak sighs. ‘’She won’t let Emi have refined sugar.’’

‘’Well we can’t have that can we Emi. It’s Christmas, and Christmas is all about breaking the rules and having fun. ‘’ Even does a little smirk. ‘’I’m supposed to say that in the intro today.’’

‘’Damn’’. Isak shrieks. ‘’I need to fix my recipes. Oh fuck, I had totally forgotten.’’

He rushes into the kitchen as Even’s laughter rings out through the apartment.

‘’Now Emi, do you want to watch a really naughty puppy playing with toilet paper?’’

‘’Puppy!!’’ Emi shouts and starts jumping up and down on the sofa.

‘’Then have another piece of satsuma and Uncle Even will show you. Here we go.’’

  


It’s funny how Isak slips so easily into getting Even to help. Not that he has to ask, because Even just quietly walks past him with a pile of clothes asking ‘if these are OK to dress Emi in?’ whilst Isak jots down measurements on a piece of paper and flicks desperately through his battered old cook book. He knows this stuff, as long as he has yeast and water and flour he can whip up some decent bread. Flavours are tricker, because he likes his rye to be just that. Rye. He’s also contemplating doing a Swedish style spiced raisin and mead loaf, but he hasn’t even planned this and shoots off quick email to the purchase team to see if they by any chance have a tin of mead in their chillers. He doesn’t hold much hope but he can wing it. He thinks.

He’s also weirdly a little freaked out that Even shoves a piece of crispbread in his mouth, like he is a toddler, insisting that he has breakfast and not just coffee. Isak can quite happily live of coffee on it’s own but he supposes Even is right. He needs to have a clear head and be firing on all cylinders today he thinks as he reluctantly takes a bite of the apple Even hands him whilst giving him a little smile. Like this is normal. Like this is totally normal.

They leave with plenty of time to catch the bus, only for Even to have a mini freak out at the thought of public transport and Emi to laugh loudly when Isak zips his jacket all the way up to his chin and loudly declares that they’ll have to walk. And that they will be late. And that Even needs to chill the fuck out because nobody has ever died from riding a public transport bus. Honestly.

They still walk.

And nobody even notices when Isak wheels Emi’s pram into the back of the studio, finding a quiet corner where the pram can sit undisturbed. Pernille just coo’s and gives Emi a hairbrush to hold as she quickly picks out the clothes earmarked for ‘Valtersen, episode 3, and snaps a quick photo for the continuity board. The top she gives him is still far too tight, but the jeans fit like a second skin and will hug his ankles nicely in the boots she places on the ground in front of him.

For a second he laughs to himself. If Sara could see him now. She always said he needed better clothes. Well he looks pretentious and weird, but whatever. At least none will recognize him in the street when he mills around in his normal plain clothes hidden in the oversized parka he wears with his beanie pulled down low over his head.

‘’Isak!!’’

Eva’s voice is all excited, the way she speaks when she has gossip. He can still read her like a book, she hasn’t changed at all from years back when she was at TV3 full time. He thinks she might have even been a telltale and gossip back in the days when she went to school with Sara, because Oslo might be a major city but when it comes to people knowing people and having their nose in other people’s business, Oslo is a sesspit of a population full of gossiping idiots.

‘’Eva..’’ He says, sounding resigned. It’s starting to become old news now, this pathetic roundabout of crap. ‘’Yes yes yes, whatever. I’m gay. I probably am. I don’t care and I am really not bothered about it. ‘’ He kind of rolls his eyes whilst Eva stares at him in shock.

‘’You are Gay?’’

‘’And?’’ Isak just stares at her.

‘’And you are just telling me now. Here. On a friday morning like it’s nothing whilst holding a seriously cute baby on your lap. Isak Valtersen. You are officially weird. But then you always have been and I love you even though you were with Sara, who still is a bitch whatever you tell me, and I haven’t forgiven her for all the shit she put me through at school, but Isak? You fucking plonker. ‘’

She stops to breathe and Isak has gone bright red.

‘’Was that not what you came to ask me? Because everyone else has been asking me this week. It’s like it’s national make ‘Isak come out of the closet to everyone’ week. ‘’

Isak Valtersen needs to learn to shut his mouth.

‘’Pappa closet? Papa no go closet.’’ Emi is trying to stand up on his lap whilst grabbing his ears.

‘’No Emi, Pappa is not in the closet. Pappa is right here, and we are going to bake some bread! It will be great fun.’’ Isak replies and stares defiantly at Eva.

‘’No I came to ask if you know anything about Jonas Vasquez. If he’s single. Or not. I was just curious. You know, curious like any single woman would be when there is a seriously hot dude about. I bet he is married to some cool rock climber chick who is in tune with nature or something.’’

She stops to take a breath, still staring at him like he has two heads.

‘’You’re Gay. Okay. ‘’

‘’And you want to fu….Eh’’ Isak has to laugh at Emi who is staring at him like he is expected to tell her something really funny. ‘’So Eva. This is my daughter Emi. Emi this is Pappa’s friend Eva.’’

‘’Sweetie.’’ Eva says and pat’s Emi on the head, like she’s a doll or something. Which of course makes Isak think of Even again, a little bundle of warmth brewing in his chest remembering how effortlessly he had looked after Emi this morning. How he had spoken to her like they were best friends and made her laugh. Because Eva has obviously no idea of how to speak or behave with a toddler. OR it could be that he just went and outed himself to her and she is still in shock.

‘’So you want to find out if Jonas Vasquez is single. Let me give you a hint Eva. ‘’ He waves her closer, and leans up as to whisper in her ear.

‘’Yes?’’ Eva whispers back.

‘’Go and ask him.’’ Isak giggles and she swats at him with both hands almost losing her clipboard that is tucked under her arm, in the process.

‘’God you are still an annoying twat Isak.’’ she laughs. ‘’Your kid is cute though.’’

‘’I know’’ Isak smiles back. ‘’Now go and ask Jonas Vasquez if he is single.’’

Pernille just tugs at his hair with the hairbrush, smiling secretly.

‘’So you are gay?’’ she questions. ‘’I thought Eskild said you were bi?’’

‘’Whatever.’’ Isak just shakes his head and stands up, balancing Emi on his hip as he walks out with his head held high.

  


Placing Emi on his worktop on his workstation does NOT go unnoticed, however much Isak wishes it would. Because Elias is right up in his face hissing ‘’What the fuck Isak?’’ whilst Eva is rattling off demands into her headset and Eskild has already kidnapped Emi over to his station showing her all the pretty pastel coloured baking tins he has brought in for his bread baking extravaganza. Isak hasn’t even thought of a tin. Luckily Emi get’s rescued by Sana who gives her some squishy cuddles before Noora steals her away and then suddenly Magnus and VIlde are taking selfies with their favourite contestant, Emi aged 2, which Isak has to put a stop to before Emi becomes Vilde’s latest conquest, already babbling about the toddler trend in the world of social media influencers whilst Magnus looks a little blank.

‘’Isak!!’’ Elias shoves him in the chest. Maybe a little hard. Like he’s pissed off. Well Elias spends most of his time being pissed of with people so what’s new? ‘’You brought the kid to work? What the hell are you thinking?’’

‘’You were supposed to have me voted off first?’’ He almost shouts at Elias, last minute remembering that Emi probably shouldn’t see her Pappa barking orders at Uncle Elias.

‘’You were supposed to be crap at baking?’’ Elias hisses back looking unhinged. Which also is kind of normal.

‘’I never said I was crap at it, I just know some things. Little things. Basic stuff. And anyway I have no childcare so either I’m here or I quit. Easy.’’

‘’I would have had you kicked off right now if it wasn’t for our test audience who loved you and absolutely ship you and Eskild. You are good on TV. Angry and competitive. People like that. The test audience also voted my sister the most likely winner, so don’t fucking blame me for all this. You know how this shit works.’’

‘’Which bloody test audience?’’ Isak almost spits out. ‘’Your Mum and Dad and the rest of the family?’’

‘’Of course!’’ Elias laughs, ‘’and a randomly chosen bunch of sullen uni-students who will watch unedited raw footage for 3 hours with free coffee and 200 kroners thrown in for their time. ‘’

‘’Twat’’ Isak hisses as Magnus get’s in his personal space, giving him a man hug with a few slaps on the back. ‘’Heard you are out and proud. Good on you.’’

‘’Whatever’’ Isak huffs. Then smiles. Then stomps off only to return to his workstation empty handed. He hasn’t got a clue what he is supposed to be doing.

‘’She’s gorgeous.’’ Noora whispers and hands Emi back to Isak , who takes a second to get his face right in Emi’s neck. He just needs to chill. Just needs to breathe. Whilst Emi wriggles like a fish out of water shouting ‘’let me down let me down LET ME DOWN!!’’.

Thank God I have you, he whispers to himself. Because she is all he has got. Everything he needs. She makes everything worth it. Every little shitty thing he has to go through is worth it when he get’s to be Emi’s Pappa.

‘’Kids.’’ Magnus nods appreciatively. ‘’Worth all the shit that comes along with it. I have a 9 year old kid, best thing I ever did that broken condom. He lives with his Mama but I see him every weekend. Best time of the week. Love him. I fucking adore him.’’

For a minute Magnus looks all overcome with emotion, his eyes watering and a smile forming on his lips.

  


‘’Respect.’’ he says and fistbumps Isak across the worktop, ‘’Man to Man. Dad to Dad. We should hang out one weekend. Do kids stuff. Walk. Camp. Chill. Create some beats.’’

Before Isak can reply Magnus is off again, drumming to some silent rhythm in his head and then doing a little squeal and jump at the sight of his collection of whisks being placed back on his own table.

‘’I’m winning that Champion Baker thing today. Seriously, because I have the perfect revenge thing to pull on you glitter boy. ‘’ he shouts across at Eskild who just laughs and does a little curtsy.

‘’Bring it on Drummer boy. You can’t take anything away from me that I can’t just magic up with fairy dust baby.’’ Eskild sasses back whilst Magnus blows him a kiss.

‘’Isak’’ Eva is almost panting with excitement again.

‘’Eva, I’m still gay.’’ He can’t stop laughing. It’s just a fucking mess, a TV studio full of loons. But he’s started this now and in a way he feels free. Relieved. Stupid. Slightly hysterical.

‘’Thank God for that, because otherwise I might have asked you out and that would have been embarrassing. No, twatface, I have Signe from HR coming down to get a Child talent contract drawn up so we can show Emi on screen. Also Rukshana in Legal is a licenced chaperone, so she will come down after their morning meeting and keep Emi safe. You will have to let her know about food and whatever else. I don’t know, nappies. Is she in nappies? Rukshana asked. Anyway.’’

‘’Fine.’’ Isak almost hisses, as the prop staff come and load up the ingredients he has asked for for his first challenge. ‘’Do you have dark rye flour? This one says light rye mix.’’ He’s a little stressed, his voice on edge and he’s being a little bit dismissive. Rude. Just a little. And Emi seems to have disappeared again, only to pop up over by Vilde’s work station popping a piece of chocolate in her mouth.

It’s going to be a long day. A very long day.

‘’Christmas is a time of fun, of family and laughter and traditions and rules. As our ancestors before us, we follow the ways of Christmas we are taught as children, hand me down decorations and recipes and stories being passed on from one generation to the next. We eat the same foods at Christmas morning every year, followed by the safety and joy of the same lunch menu and the inevitable festivities of the traditional meals, as lovingly prepared by generations of cooks and bakers. But sometimes..’’

Even stops and picks up Emi, who smiles and on cue shrieks out ‘’EBEN!’’ to the delight of the studio who all ignore the ‘silence’ code to do a subdued ‘’Ahhhhww’’ whilst Even flashes an adoring smile and places Emi confidently on his hip.

‘’Sometimes it’s time to break with tradition. Screw the rules. Make some new memories that the future generation will remember and teach their future children. Sometimes it’s good not to conform, and to say, I know we do this every year, but this year, why don’t we just break the rules? Do things differently? Laugh a little louder. Eat a little healthier. Hug a little longer. Love a little more. Be a friend to that person we work with, and yes, sod it, Have that extra drink or piece of cake. Get out of bed at midnight and have a piece of bread with cheese. With a glass of red wine and a lit candle on the coffee table. Snuggle up with the people you love and just be. Remember to be. Because Christmas should be special. Christmas should be about food and love and cakes and… yes. Bread. The staple of every meal and of course the topic of this week's show. ‘’

‘’Bread!’’ Emi shrieks and claps her hands whilst Even laughs perfectly into the camera.

‘’I’m Even Bech Næsheim, and _this_ , is Hele Norge Baker.’’


	15. FIFTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bloopers? Skam italia? Oh dear, yesterday was emotional. I also kind of had to word vomit out a Christmassy fic to get my head back on straight. Ho ho Ho!!! Can be found here if you feel like some Santa Even and Elf Isak love. Ugh.

Sana looks like she is about to explode with smugness as she takes centerstage to dish out her victim and her evil magic curse. Yeah, because as the still reigning Champion Baker, she is still the Queen of the floor and she takes a regal sweep across the studio before speaking. She’s got this, and suddenly Isak shivers a little. Sana is good. She’s bloody brilliant, and maybe he should pitch Elias all the things that are popping up in his head, shows and programs and the little angles where Sana would just make such a fantastic host. She’s always been a good actress, her hard and composed interior hiding a soft inner shell, but she shines as her own version of the Evil Baking Queen. Maybe that should be her show. He shakes his head and smiles to himself as Sana continues. 

‘’Noora. You are annoyingly good and nothing would make me happier than to remove every single thing on your worktop, BUT, us girls need to stick together, so Vilde, you are safe too. Despite your annoying talent at making the quirkiest of cakes. Love it. ‘’ She sighs and smiles, as she pins her gaze on Chris. 

‘’Chris. You are cool. And you are my homegirl, so no punishment for you.’’

Chris rolls her eyes with relief and pretends to say a little prayer whilst everyone snickers with giggles.

‘’Isak, you are good. But not that good. I can beat you anytime, And Eskild? Boy, you are in trouble. I might have to peg you down a few notches. Maybe put a ban on any use of food colouring this episode? No glitter allowed? ‘’ she smiles sweetly as the camera pans over to Eskild who clearly looks terrified. 

‘’Magnus. It would be unfair to punish you again, although I would love to give you a spanking for producing some epic bakes. You are dangerous, but I will keep you safe for now. But Jonas?’’

Jonas honestly looks like he is about to wet himself, despite being the coolest cat in the jungle. Or whatever they call him in the blurb for his shows. 

‘’Sana’’ he warns. Well he shouldn't have. Because now Sana’s eyes have turned into little angry slits and her mouth is stern, her lips pursed in a tight grimace.

‘’Jonas, you are annoying me with all these savoury versions of things we love. Honestly. You need some sugar in your life babe. So that is what it will be, my evil revenge on you, is to insist that every recipe you produce today contains at least one 100ml measure of sugar. Normal sugar. No substitutes or weird coconut sugar from the jungles of Peru. OK? Sugar babe. White evil toothrottening sugar. Go run with it Jonas and I will see you on the finishing line?’’ 

The camera is capturing this perfectly and Isak hadn’t noticed it but he is holding his breath, which is always a good sign when it comes to shooting. Jonas face pale with shock, he’s a good seasoned TV actor too, pulling this off with ease. Sana’s smug smile. Magnus swallowing visibly then going out of focus to instead pan over to Chris who is running her fingers through her hair, her lips visibly muttering swear words. It’s good. Tight. They are creating something quite fun here, and once the TV3 editing team up on floor 5 have had their dirty little hands on this footage it will be even more evil. He has no doubts about that. Sana will be all over the media the next day after this episode airs, no doubt dubbed the ‘Evil Queen of baking’. And she will love it. Absolutely love it. Well apart from that people who turn up at the sports related injuries and muscle pain clinic at Oslo University hospital might get slightly more than they bargained for when Sana turns up to treat them. And that the Norwegian Dentistry association will be asked to comment on the rise in tooth decay in today’s children, followed by a message from the Norwegian Health Services on the dangers of high sugar levels in today’s food. Isak makes a mental note to mention something today in his chat segments, about refined sugars and limited intake and diabetes or something. Well what does he know. He just goes with whatever Sara says. 

He also knows that Sana’s parents have been coaching her every evening, and that her aunt and cousin have put her recipes together. They are family after all, and this is a Bakkoush family effort. He knows this full well. He also smiles a little remembering the text last night from Sana’s father wishing him good luck and telling him to watch his oven temperature on the bread rolls. 

He’s a little bit family too. In a weird way. 

  
  


They still pull it off, working with minimum breaks all day to pull off an entire episodes worth of footage in one day. They are back on track filming wise, and film the crowning of the Champion baker just before 8 at night. On a Friday. Where everyone in the Studio is close to dying and moaning about their nights out and dinner dates whilst Elias and Eva rule them with an iron fist. Nobody shouts Cut until the episode is complete. Nobody. 

Emi is fast asleep in Isak’s office, tucked up in her pram whilst Rukshana is happily catching up with work. She just shooed Isak away earlier when he checked up on them, smiling sweetly whilst her voice was convincingly sharp. 

‘’My expenses for today, including lost work time is already in your inbox, and I expect it to be actioned this evening ready for payday.’’ she had smiled, and Isak had nodded. ‘’Got it.’’

He would gladly have paid her out of his own pocket, rather than using the Hele Norge Baker budget, because she has been worth every extra krone today. Emi has had the best of days, roaming the TV3 building, eating canteen food, and even went out to the playground in the nearby park with Rukshana after filming a segment baking with Isak, as well as sitting in on the judges discussion segment. That Elias says they will have to totally cut, since Emi is obviously on Isak’s team and the whole thing is just unethical and wrong. He’s joking of course and anyway, Isak is pretty sure he is going to get voted off now, because although his honey and oat bread rolls were good, his technical challenge of producing a classic Ciabatta had gone horribly wrong. He just lost his concentration and had kneaded out his dough, destroying the air bubbles. Whilst everyone else had produced a light bubbly bake, Isak had produced a brick. Well Jonas brick was overly sweet, and Chris’ Ciabatta had some strange chocolate undertones and Noora had once again thrown wholemeal flour in the mix making Sonja look most displeased and Herman spit out his mouthful claiming it might break his teeth. Not that any of them had dared to taste Isak’s disaster. 

Sana had shone with another great plaited showcase loaf, soft fluffy bread with a golden crust that made Isak want to cry watching the slightly burnt spiced mead loaf that adorned his baking station. It didn’t help that he had sprinkled some edible glitter on the top. Nor that he had rolled out some festive Santa’s and asked for a strong cheese for his display. It was still burnt. 

He’s still quite calm as he takes his seat for the vote off, only half heartedly listening as Sonja and Herman do their thing, praising and scolding the contestants in equal servings. But he does look up when Even takes the floor, looking tired and drained, like they all are. It’s late, and it’s been a long day. Isak has barely talked to Even today, just exchanged the odd glance. A little smile here and there. 

_Maybe I’ve missed him.’_ Isak shakes his head. Maybe he has, even though Even has been right here all day. 

‘’It is my absolute honour to crown today’s Champion baker, the dude who has consistently blown us away with his drumming personality and perfect baking skills. So let’s not drag this out any longer, Ladies and Gents, give it up for this week’s Champion, Magnus Fossbakken!’’

Even is first in, grabbing Magnus and hugging him, as the rest of them gather round to offer their congratulations. He deserves it. Magnus beaming and there is a little blush on his cheeks, like he almost didn’t expect it. Cute. The camera loves it, capturing a little tear in the corner of his eye as Isak glances over on the monitors. 

Even just stands there, catching Isak’s eye whilst waiting for his cue to continue. And there is something there Isak has kind of learnt to read. Almost like Even is looking for him to acknowledge what he is desperately needing to know so that he can calm down. A little reassurance so he won’t have to worry. Knowing that Isak is right there. That it’s OK. That he can come. That he won’t be left on his own. It’s funny how Isak just nods. Pulls his lips into a little smile. Just for a second. Mouthing. ‘’Of course.’’ and Even smiles back. Like it’s something they can do. Understand. Then Even’s smile is back, bright and clear, cocking his head to the side in a show of sympathy as he continues:

‘’Sadly today, someone needs to leave us and return to their normal day job, as their nominated charity receives their well needed donation. Today’s contestant has chosen the World Wildlife Fund, as he is a great supporter of this amazing organization and has been known to work tirelessly for them here in Norway. We are gutted to see him leave and will miss his quirky recipes and his now well known dislike of all things sweet. Give it up for a great contestant, Jonas Vasquez!’’

Well Isak didn’t see _ that _ coming, and gives Elias what he hopes is a angry stare of doom as Elias just shrugs his shoulders and smiles. The bastard. 

A few more takes later the last ‘’Cut!’’ finally rings out as everyone applauds and hugs, stretching in relief as the tension is replaced with laughter as people scurrie off to go home. Well apart from Eva who seems to have attached herself to Jonas who looks more than happy, playfully tapping his fingers against her headset as she laughs. And flirts. Which makes Isak roll his eyes and chuckle to himself. 

He almost runs up the stairs to relieve a fully coated up Rukshana with Emi bundled up in the pram by the lifts, ready to go. 

‘’She’s been a dream to look after Isak. Honestly. Call me again, anytime, it makes a nice change from the normal day at the office, and I kind of like it.’’ She winks and Isak tries to give off a friendly smile. He almost says ‘’I’m gay, in case you hadn’t heard. Just incase that wink was an attempt at scoring with the single guy. Who might not be single for long if he has his way, which is the most fucked up thing that has crossed Isak’s mind today. What is he thinking? It’s been six months and he is already thinking of breaking every promise he has made himself. New life. New start. Single. Free Happy. No pressure. No sex. No drama. Yet here he is hoping that Even will be standing down in the lobby, waiting, and hoping even more that he will let Isak hug him and that he will be brave enough to ask if he can have another kiss. Yeah. Because that is all Isak can think of. Kiss. Kissing Even. Soft warm lips and a hint of that spicy rich scented soap that follows Even around. The prickle of stubble against his skin. 

‘’Are you OK Isak?’’ Rukshana asks, and she looks a little concerned whilst Isak snaps back into reality. 

‘’Yeah, yeah, long day. Need to get this little monkey home and get a good night's sleep. Weekend ahead and all that.’’ Isak is talking a load of shit whilst his cheeks are flaming. 

He needs to get his head together, fast. Get in that lift and grab his….houseguest? Flat mate? 

He almost laughs at himself then giggles with relief when he finds Even by the lifts on the ground floor, already bundled up with his parka zipped up under his chin. 

‘’You coming?’’ Isak smiles and pushes the pram forward so Even can grab the handles. 

‘’Always.’’ Even smiles back, stifling a yawn as they head out in the cold winter air. 

‘’We never finished our conversation yesterday.’’ Isak says, probably sounding a little out of breath, but he needs to get this out so he can get his answers. Because if he is going to be brave enough to ask for that kiss, he needs to know why. Why him. And maybe he needs to figure out exactly what it is he is asking for. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	16. SIXTEEN

16

‘’Don’t you find this weird?’’ Even asks, pushing the pram like he owns it. Effortlessly steering with one hand and using the other to tug his beanie further down over his forehead. It’s snowing again, this time vertical gusts of icy flakes that make your skin feel like it’s being attacked by tiny angry razorblades.

‘’What? Having to walk home in this shite weather because you won’t go on an empty train? A nice warm bus? And before you ask a Taxi is a no because we have no car seat for Emi. ‘’ Isak is shuffling a few steps ahead trying to adjust the hood on the pram so he can get as much cover as he can to fit over the opening, Emi flat out asleep not even moving as he tries to zip her cosytoes up and tuck it neatly under her chin.

‘’No, this. Us. Me latching onto you like some stalker and just taking you for granted like this. People tend to find it weird if they don’t know me, and I just want to apologize if you do. My Dad is driving up tomorrow to pick me up for the weekend, so I will be out of your hair for a while. Promise.’’

‘’Oh.’’ Isak says and his face probably tells a million truths. Awkward. Even in the dull light from the streetlights, he is sure his face is flaming red with something he can’t quite describe.

‘’But you were going to tell me about you crushing on me?’’ He sounds like a twat. I mean, this is Isak Valtersen who regularly chairs major meetings and handles millions of kroner in budgets and has been known to make grown men cry when pitching ideas to him. Well Elias cries every time but that’s all for show, he knows that. And now he is begging for this guy to tell him about some stupid teen crush. Well no one crushed on Isak, not even Sara. She had always been honest about not fancying him from the start. That she had just messed around with him and he had put up with it. Liked it. Well. Some of it.

‘’It’s embarrassing Isak, I see that now. You know when you make something up in your head and make it bigger than it is? Well, that’s what I did. I took something I really wanted to be true and made it into something that wasn’t. I was young and you know…’’

‘’Even. Stop.’’

‘’I’m not going to embarrass you more than I already have. I crushed on you badly, and you didn’t even know I existed. It’s fine Isak. I will get over it, I just thought. Well. Nevermind. Let’s change the subject.’’

‘’No!’’ Isak almost shouts out, because he needs to know. It’s too big not to know. And then in a non-selfish way, he can see Even is embarrassed when he shouldn’t be.

‘’Please.’’ Even almost whispers, pushing the pram with more determination as they start to climb the damn hill leading up towards the botanical gardens.

‘’Look.’’ Isak almost screeches out, before he takes a deep breath to calm himself down. ‘’Stop Even. Just stop for a second? OK? Because I have something I need to say.’’ He grabs Even’s arm and almost violently pushes his foot down on the pram breaks. His foot, of course, missing the pedal and his whole body stumbling whilst he jerks the pram into place on the pavement and steadies himself.

Whilst Even just stands there looking terrified again. And fuck it if it doesn’t make Isak feel all protective and sad and muddled up and well. He straightens his shoulders and goes for it trying to keep his voice stern and steady.

‘’One week and a bit ago, my life was fine. I had everything all under control and everything was fine. Just fine. OK? Then you turn up and everything just began to unravel. Like my whole life has just spun totally out of control. Completely. I have no way of stopping it, and I can never go back now, people are talking and rumors are everywhere and I just don’t know what to do apart from running with it.’’ Isak has to stop and breathe again.

‘’Welcome to the world of showbiz.’’ Even says sarcastically. ‘’You say A and then someone else says B and suddenly C is all over social media. Get used to it.’’

‘’I don’t want to get used to anything. I just want to be happy Even. I want to be fucking happy and It feels like I never really got the chance to live and do all these things that I wanted to do and now it’s like someone has smashed open all these ideas in my head and I don’t know how to deal with all that. ‘’

‘’You’ve lost me now Isak.’’ Even looks all confused again and Isak tugs at his knitted hat, pulling it off his head only to push it back down over his hair whilst he pants. This. This is the kind of shit he is crap at. This and touching and feeling and showing affection and…. Yeah. Talking about feelings and shit.

‘’Then please tell me about it. Tell me about this crush because I need to understand. I need to know what the hell this is all about.’’ And now Isak is shouting. Great.

‘’Please don’t shout at me.’’ Even almost whispers. ‘’Can we please just get home? I don’t think I can manage to tell you anything whilst we are standing here getting battered by the snow. My jeans are wet and I’m cold.’’

Inconsiderate and rude. Again. Yeah. That’s Isak. Bulldozing over people he works with so he can get what he wants.

They don’t really talk whilst they negotiate the labyrinth of paths off Tøyengata where the lights from the passing apartments shine homely and inviting. Apart from Isak’s flat, that is dark and cold.

They have their little routine down now, where Even puts the pram away whilst Isak sorts Emi, tucking her into the middle of their unmade bed, still wearing the clothes she’s been in all day, the stains on her front showing the full evidence of her chocolate-fuelled encounter with Vilde and there is flour still caked on her sleeves. She snores like a trucker as he tiptoes out into the living room, passing Even wearing just his T-shirt and boxers again.

‘’I hung my jeans up over the bath. They should be dry in the morning.’’ he says with no hint of anything in his voice.

‘’There are tumble dryers in the basement. We can just go down and they will be dry in an hour.’’ Isak says. He needs a drink. He needs a hug. He needs anything right now. Anything to clear this damn tension he has created. Not that he knows what to do about it or what he could have done differently because his whole life is such a bloody mess right now.

‘’Do you want me to leave?’’ Even replies. Yeah because Isak isn’t exactly doing anything to fix this.

‘’Do you want a drink? I have whiskey. I think. I should have whiskey. I never drink when I have Emi but I think we need a drink.’’ Isak is stomping around probably slamming the kitchen cabinet doors a little too loudly, finding two glasses and sliding the ice drawer out from the freezer, plopping two cubes in each glass. Leaning against the counter to gather himself a little. He needs to chill. He needs. Fuck he needs a lot of fucked up stuff. He needs to breathe. Deep and slow. Instead, he pours two large measures of whiskey and screws the lid back on the bottle with a twist of his fingers.

Whilst Even is just standing in the living room, right where he left him.

‘’Cheers.’’ Isak says and hands Even his glass, letting his clink against the other.

‘’Christ Isak, A bit of courage for when you tell me to fuck off?’’ Even almost stutters.

‘’You are such an idiot.’’ Isak replies and pretty much drains his glass.

‘’We need to talk.’’ Even says, his voice much sterner.

‘’I’ve been telling you that since we left work. I need to know. I need to understand Even.’’

Isak lets his body fall onto the sofa hoping that Even will follow. Which he doesn't. He just stands there looking at Isak, who wishes he had brought the rest of the bottle. Just anything to dull this ball of angst in his stomach. His mouth that is on the verge of spilling out a load of words he will probably regret. Or not. Fuck, he doesn't know anything right now.

‘’I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. You were sitting in Elias’ kitchen with Sana with your schoolbooks spread all over the table, and you were really animated trying to explain something and Sana was practically shouting at you how wrong you were, that you didn't know shit about the periodic system. Then you said that you were the master of chemistry or something and I just stood there smiling. Because you were the most beautiful boy I had ever seen and I was completely mesmerized by you. You looked up at me, just for a second and it was like I had been struck by lightning. You know when you just know that someone is special? Well, that’s what happened. Then I tried everything to talk to you but I was shy and awkward and you were like totally uninterested which made me even more determined. You kept looking at me and I just fell more and more helplessly in love with you. The idea of you. I kind of made it a thing in my head, thinking that you secretly loved me as much as I loved you because you kept looking back now and then and I would float on clouds for days. I was totally obsessed. The guys kept laughing at me and teasing me but I didn't care. You were my boy-crush. And I know it was totally childish and I should have grown out of it years ago, but I had kind of made it real in my head, this connection I thought we had. It was stupid, and I am sorry for making you feel like your life has spiraled out of control.’’

‘’Even. You and Elias and your crew were these cool older boys. You would have beaten the shit out of me if I had even spoken to you.’’ Probably not but he had been what? 15?

‘’We were not cool. We were total nerds and we would never have beaten you up. I would have told you how pretty you were and made you a cup of coffee. _That’s_ how cool we were.’’

Finally. There is a small flicker of a smile on Even’s lips. A tiny bit of laughter.

‘’You can tell me I’m pretty and bring me coffee any time.’’ Isak mutters. He means it. It just doesn’t come out right.

  


‘’Please don’t make fun of me. I can’t bear it, it’s hard enough to realize that I am a total flake when it comes to my love life and falling in love with someone I can never have.’’

‘’I’m not. I’m just trying to understand Even.’’ He leans forward on the sofa, letting his head fall into his hands. Because he can’t look at Even right now. There are just too many conflicting feelings rumbling around in his head. Too many ideas. Too many thoughts that will lead to nothing but Isak back in his bed alone and crushed a week from now.

‘’Then maybe I should go.’’ Even sighs. ‘’Because I can’t live like this. I just can’t.’’

‘’Like what? You have a fantastic career, no responsibilities, and people adore you. You have all these amazing friends, who obviously love you and……’’ Isak has to stop. He doesn’t know what he is trying to say, yet he does. He knows what he wants.

And that is when the doorbell almost seems to scream throughout the apartment.

‘’Did you order food?’’ Even asks, looking a bit shocked. Like Isak couldn't order a pizza if he wanted to. Not that he wants pizza. The last thing he wants right now is pizza.

‘’No?’’ Isak questions and heads off to get the door, followed by Emi tumbling out of the bedroom, her eyes half open from sleepiness.

So there Isak stands, his usual unraveled mess of himself as he swings the front door open to reveal his brightly lit up hallway that houses a crying child wearing chocolate stained clothes and a tall very handsome man wearing boxers and a T-shirt only.


	17. SEVENTEEN

‘’Mummy!!!!!’’ Emi shrieks, throwing herself into Sara’s outstretched arms. Sara who looks as put together as she usually does, just that her hair is a little messy and her face a picture of confusion and maybe a little disappointment. Like she is about to throw herself into full-on rage. Or at least give Isak a lecture, throwing her weight around like she usually does, but, she has spotted Even, and that seems to have stunned her into silence.

‘’Oh’’ she says, pinning her gaze on Isak.

‘’You are supposed to be away for the weekend.’’ Isak says, trying to sound calm and in control.

‘’You are supposed to be caring for our child?’’ Sara retaliates giving Even her most charming smile. It’s fake. Fake fake fake, but Sara has obviously recognized who the half dressed guy in the hallway is, reaching her hand out to shake his, introducing herself with her full name as Isak tries to control the unease pooling in his stomach. 

‘’Eben!!’’ Emi shouts and is suddenly wide awake as she tries to wriggle herself out of Sara’s grasp reaching for Even to take her. Which he does. Because right now Even is Isak’s favourite person in the whole wide world as he smiles all apologetic and politely at Sara.

‘’Emi do you want to come with Uncle Even for a second and we will find you a pyjamas in your room? Can you show me? ‘’ 

He gives Isak a little nod as he disappears back into the living room, and Isak can hear the soft laughter and the voices traveling through the air as he reluctantly looks up at Sara.

‘’Why is she not in bed?’’ Sara demands, whilst she looks like she is either wanting to cry or start screaming at him.

‘’We were working late.’’ Isak says. He has no excuse. No willpower to fight. 

‘’Her clothes are covered in chocolate?’’ she is picking for a fight here and Isak can feel his shoulders tense up.

‘’And why is he here? What is going on Isak?’’

‘’You are supposed to be on a dirty weekend away?’’ Isak says calmly. He hopes. He hopes he is calm. He needs to stay calm. 

‘’Dirty weekend indeed, fucking Thomas-the-rat. His bloody wife phoned in the middle of dinner and demanded to know how his conference was going. I might have lost my rag and screamed down the place. Remind me I can never set foot in the Son Country house hotel and Spa ever again.‘’ 

‘’Don’t go to Son Country house hotel and Spa ever again.’’ Isak cackles. He’s being a shit and will probably regret mouthing off at her, but it’s a little bit funny. Just a bit. 

‘’Wanker’’ Sara mutters. 

‘’Forget him, he’s not worth it.’’ Isak tries to be calm. 

‘’So, Even Bech Næsheim?’’ she almost smiles. He can read her like a book. Like she wants the gossip. Anything she can tell her friends and give herself another 15 seconds of attention and pseudo-fame.

‘’Why are you here Sara? It’s almost 11 at night?’’ She needs to go. He needs Emi back in bed and Even in his arms. And kisses. Fuck he still needs to convince Even to kiss him again. 

‘’I’m sad and upset and pissed off Isak, and I need my baby with me to make me feel better. And it’s my weekend, so I came to get her. I texted you like 3 times on the way.’’

‘’You can’t just take her back, she’s spending this weekend with me, we agreed on that.’’

‘’She’s my kid and it’s my weekend.’’ Sara snarls, and then her face goes white, as she just stares at Isak. Like he is a ghost. And not in a good way. 

‘’Fuck me.’’ She says. 

‘’No thanks?’’ Isak is lost. She’s clearly lost it. 

‘’No no no, fuck. Isak you fucking twat of an arsehole. Fuck. How was I so fucking blind?’’ she’s almost shouting now, pulling at her hair with her hands and walking around in a circle, her high heels clapping alarmingly against the wooden hallway floor. 

‘’Do you need to sit down Sara?’’ Isak tries. I mean she is clearly losing the plot. 

‘’Oh fuck off Isak. You let me find out like this? You couldn't just have told me?’’ Her voice is hissing now, the sound of crashing and of Emi and Even clearly trashing Emi’s bedroom drifting through the apartment.

‘’Told you what Sara? You asked me to have Emi this weekend, and I agreed. I have been working my arse off and I am doing the best I can.’’ Isak is hissing too. They are right back to square one, arguing over shit he doesn’t understand. 

‘’That you are fucking gay Isak? Do you think I’m stupid? You are fucking him? That’s who you wanted to sleep with? And did you? After you let me walk around for years thinking that it was me. That it was all my fault. That I was so freaking unattractive and horrible that my own boyfriend couldn't bear to be near me. That you shook in disgust if I even tried to touch you. You made me hate myself because I couldn't make you want me.’’ She’s crying now, her eyes red and her makeup trailing down her cheeks, little blackened rivers of tears what make Isak think that maybe she is right. Maybe it was all his fault. 

‘’I’m not sure I am gay Sara. I don’t know what I am, but I love you, I always have and always will, because we are Emi’s parents and that’s what we do.’’

‘’Don’t lie.’’ Sara sniffs. ‘’So did you leave me for him?’’ She’s shouting again. Slightly hysterical. 

‘’No. No no no. I only met Even on Tuesday, we are working on a project together and he needed a place to crash.’’ Isak says, sounding calm and confident until Sara just laughs in his face. 

‘’Yeah right because Emi kind of knew ‘’Uncle Even’’ a bit too well and why was he half naked? And you are blushing Isak, you fucking liar.’’ She does the quote marks around ‘’Uncle Even’’ a little too angry right on time for Even to show up with a clean and expertly dressed Emi, in a pink pyjamas and a Star Wars stormtrooper mask over her face. 

‘’I should go.’’ Even says, whilst Emi wraps her arms tighter around his neck. 

Isak doesn’t blame him, because Sara’s blotchy face and erratic stomping around is hardly helping Isak’s case here. Nor is the fact that his hands are shaking and that the air is thick with unease.

‘’You are not going anywhere Even.’’ Isak tries not to shout, but this is clearly getting out of hand. 

‘’I’m taking Emi home.’’ Sara says reaching for her daughter, who only lifts her Star Wars mask long enough to say ‘’NO!’’

‘’Isak?’’ Sara pleads.

‘’Sara…’’ Isak rolls his eyes again. He can’t help it. Because if he thought his life had spun out of control he was right. This isn’t funny. It’s plain ridiculous.

‘’ Even.’’ he says keeping his voice calm and steady whilst Sara blows her nose into a tissue, then angrily shoves it back in her coat pocket. ‘’This is my ex-partner Sara, Emi’s mum. She is a bit upset after a crap Tinder date with someone called Thomas-the-Rat.’’

Sara actually laughs. It may be hollow, but it’s a laugh. 

‘’Sara, this is Even, who our daughter has decided is called ‘Uncle Eben’, and he is staying with me. He is great with Emi, and they are friends. I hope. Because that was one hell of a crash earlier.’’

‘’Sorry, we were looking for a Star Wars Duplo man. We found him. He is now imprisoned in the Unicorn castle. ‘’ Even says, keeping a totally serious face whilst Emi nods knowingly. 

‘’Tar wars baddie eating the Uni-kitty!.’’ She says and pats Even on the shoulder. ‘’Eben come on!!’’

‘’Emi, we will play more tomorrow but you need to go to bed.’’ Even says sternly. ‘’ Otherwise, Mummy and Daddy will be very cross with Uncle Even and then we can’t play and do all the fun things we want to do.’’

‘’No bed. Uni-Kitty’’ Emi says sternly. 

‘’Yes Bed.’’ Sara says. ‘’ Isak, can I please take her home. I just don’t want to be on my own all weekend. Please. And at least you have Even here to look after you.’’

‘’He’s going home to his parents for the weekend.’’ Now Isak sounds just as bad as Sara. They are all behaving like children and if he was Even he would be running for the hills instead of even contemplating staying. 

‘’I can stay if you need me.’’ Even says and Isak can’t even hide the smile on his face and whilst Sara rolls her eyes. 

‘’You two are so bloody cute.’’ she says and for once Isak is grateful for the person Sara can be. The one who just laughs stuff off like it’s nothing when Isak thinks the world is about to end. 

‘’Sara.’’ Isak starts. Then he looks at Even, letting his finger poke at Even’s chest.. 

‘’ _You_ are staying because we have things to talk about.’’ He’s surprised at himself snapping right into work mode with Even. Not that Even is going anywhere. He’s not. Not if Isak can help it.

‘’Sounds serious’’ Sara nods and shoots off another fake charming smile at Even.

‘’You can have as many selfies as you want with Even and post them all over social media for all I care.’’ 

Yeah, here he goes again. 

‘’As long as Even is OK with that. But not tonight because your makeup is all...smudgy’’ Now Isak is waving his finger in Sara’s face, trying to find the words to describe what he is trying to say. He knows Sara is dying to ask, and she is bold and brash enough not to give a shit that Even looks exhausted and has crap down the front of his T-shirt and Isak just wants to throw his arms around him and hug him and beg him to make everything make sense.

‘’Emi. Mummy needs you to look after her this evening, do you think you can be a big girl for Daddy and make sure Mummy gets home OK? Mummy needs extra cuddles tonight so you should make sure you give her lots of hugs and kisses. Can you do that for Daddy? Then you come back to Daddy and Uncle Even on Monday.’’ Emi doesn’t look totally convinced but she nods. 

‘’Monday. Play Uni-Kitty Monday.’’

‘’Absolutely.’’ Even nods, then stares at Isak like he has two heads. ‘’I promise to keep Uni-Kitty Safe from the baddie StarWars people.’’ Even gives Emi a high five. Then looks at Sara, smiling. Just a little.

‘’We can do a selfie for your Social media if you want?’’ Even says looking slightly bemused.

‘’Thank you.’’ Sara sounds like she means it, smiling politely and trying to wipe the smudged make up from under her eyes ‘’Thank you, another day maybe?’’

‘’Do you want me to help you with the pram?’’ Isak offers. Sara needs to leave. Now.

‘’I need to ring for a taxi.’’ Sara replies, fishing her phone out of her pocket. ‘’I had a drink earlier so I can’t drive.’’

‘’Let me help.’’ Even says, grabbing Emi’s snowsuit and expertly wriggling her little body into it, fastening her hat under her chin with a tap of her nose.

‘’Taxi will be 3 minutes.’’ Sara says. 

‘’Then let’s get the pram downstairs.’’ Isak sighs, throwing his jacket over his shoulders, opening the front door as Sara bends down to pick up their daughter. 

‘’Stay.’’ He almost barks at Even. Who nods. He can’t read him. Not at all.

  
  


They stand on the pavement, waiting for the taxi. Like they are a family. The snow has stopped falling but the wind is biting cold. Sweeping over their faces as Isak leans in to kiss Emi’s little cheek. 

‘’Be good for Mummy.’’ he coos as she snuggles into Sara’s neck. 

‘’Isak. I’m sorry I shouted at you. I was just shocked. You should have told me.’’

Sara looks surprisingly honest. And calm. 

‘’I haven't slept with him.’’ he confesses. He’s not even sure why he is being honest.

‘’He is in love with you.’’ Sara says. And she smiles. ‘’I can tell from him just looking at you, he looks at you like you hung the fucking moon. I can’t say I blame him. I was in love with you for years. You are irresistible when you are not so bloody grumpy. ‘’

‘’I’m sorry.’’ He replies. ‘’I’m sorry for making you so unhappy. I’m sorry I messed everything up.’’

‘’No Isak. I’m sorry that I made you feel like you couldn't tell me. We should have talked about things and not let everything slide and become such a mountain of shite. Maybe if we had talked more we could have made each other happy. Well. No, I wouldn’t…’’ She grimaces and lets out a little laugh, pointing at her groin. ‘’No dick.’’ she mouths. 

It’s almost like years ago. Before they got so angry. Years ago when they could smile and laugh and make fun out of each other without everything getting so damn dramatic.

‘’You are gorgeous and sexy and wonderful and any man would be lucky to have you as his girlfriend. You need to find someone who will fall absolutely in love with every little part of you.’’

He means it. He wants her to be happy.

‘’My boobs are still saggy.’’ she pouts.

‘’Someone will adore your saggy boobs babe.’’ 

‘’You’re drunk.’’ she giggles. ‘’Fuck I can’t believe you’re gay. Wait until I tell Ingrid, she will freak. ‘’

‘’Don’t tell Ingrid.’’ Isak pleads. Fucking Ingrid. The biggest gossip in Oslo. 

‘’She can keep her mouth shut when she wants to.’’ Sara says, her nose in Emi’s fringe but her eyes shining with laughter. 

‘’Yeah right.’’ Isak says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. 

‘’Maybe I should try finding a girlfriend? Maybe I should try this bi-curious thing?’’ she giggles.

‘’ _ You’re  _ drunk.’’ Isak laughs. ‘’You love cock as much as I do.’’ 

He can’t believe he just said that, but the throaty laughter Sara lets rip is like music to his ears.

‘’Come here.’’ He says and wraps her up in a hug. ‘’Were going to be the best co-parents in the world. You and me. Team Emi. Don’t forget that. Were on the same team babe.’’

‘’Team Dick.’’ Sara laughs and Isak just swats her away as the Taxi pulls up.

‘’Love you.’’ He says. 

‘’Love you too babe.’’ She replies.

  
  


He doesn't know which emotion is stronger as he runs up the stairs, two steps at a time. The feeling of impending doom or the feeling of being totally elated. He loves that they could laugh. He loves that Emi saw her Mummy and Daddy behave like happy loving parents for once. He loves that Sara took it all so well. That she saw. Misunderstood, but in a good way. She gets him, and he has no doubt that she will recoil with some horrific put-downs as she will swing through the ups and downs of getting her head around that the guy she was with for years, the father of her kid, is most probably gay. 

He thinks. Because how can he be sure if he hasn’t actually tried it. Dared to. Kissed the only person in the whole wide world that has ever made his dick twitch. The most beautiful man in the world according to Vogue magazine. And Isak Valtersen. They are both probably right he thinks as he lets the front door slam shut behind him, no doubt invoking the rage of his noise-sensitive neighbors. 

Not that he cares. 

‘’Who are you?’’ Even asks, standing in the middle of the living room floor, now dressed in Isak’s threadbare dressing gown, with his arms crossed over his chest. ‘’Who the hell are you Isak?’’

‘’I haven’t got a fucking clue.’’ Isak replies and throws his arms around the man who smells like home. Sweet and spicy, with an undertone of cheap biological washing powder and the hairspray the TV3 styling team use. 

  
  
  



	18. EIGHTEEN

‘’What do you want me to say?’’ Even starts. 

At least he hasn’t pushed Isak away, because Isak is still clinging to Even like an very over- friendly monkey, his brain still not understanding to make use of the tiny bit of dignity that still might exist in his tired body. It’s almost midnight and Isak just wants to stay here. Just a little longer. 

‘’Can I just stay right here forever? You holding me and protecting me from all the shit I have to explain and all the things I am supposed to do?’’ Isak is full of shit. Fact.

‘’What exactly am I protecting you from?’’ Even sounds almost like he is laughing. When he clearly is not. 

‘’Myself mostly. I don’t know what the hell I am supposed to say to you to make this make sense. You scare the living daylights out of me Even. I’m terrified of saying the wrong thing here so that you will leave. Please don’t leave. Please. Whatever I say please don’t leave me.’’

‘’You are making absolutely no sense Isak. None. I’m not going anywhere, my only pair of jeans are still wet and I am wearing your very smelly dressing gown. It needs washing, in case you hadn’t thought of that. No scrap that. Just bin it and buy a new one. How long have you had it? It must be at least 10 years old, I mean who wears a terry cotton robe these days?’’ 

Even is clearly rambling but at least he is holding on to Isak. His hands slowly stroking Isak’s back, long firm movements against his shirt. 

‘’Fuck the robe.’’ Isak mutters. 

‘’Then talk to me.’’ Even begs. ‘’Just tell me what you want Isak, because I am so fucking lost right now. You want me to stay and you are right here letting me hold you, but if you don’t mean it you are fucking breaking me. I’m not someone you can just mess around with. I need to know what you think this is, because I am really scared that we are not on the same page here. I mean we are not even in the same book. Different libraries. Miles apart. Kind of.’’

‘’I don’t know where to start.’’ Isak whispers. ‘’Can you just stand here and hug me and talk to me for a little while whilst I try to figure out how to say this?’’

Even’s hands are still moving. Lazy circles over Isak’s back as he lets his face bury into Even’s shoulder. His own breath laboured and hitched, whilst he thinks if he has to say what he needs to say he is going to throw up. Honestly. 

‘’There is nothing you can say to me that will make me leave you tonight. Just talk to me Isak.’’

‘’I can’t.’’ Isak whines into the body dressed in the damn robe.

‘’I’m sorry I kissed you the other night.’’ Even says quietly. ‘’It wasn’t cool. I got myself caught up in my own fantasies and I just wanted to have something, so I stole a kiss. ‘’

‘’You stole a kiss.’’ If Isak is not careful he might let a little giggle slip because his lips are smiling. Whilst his stomach is somersaulting .

‘’I did. It was a nice kiss. I always wanted you to kiss me. I used to daydream about you just coming up to me, and slamming me into the wall, wherever we were at that moment, and just kissing the hell out of me. You never did, but at least I got to kiss you. I can kind of tick that off my bucketlist now.’’

‘’You had a bucketlist?’’ Isak’s brain has apparently caught up now and is starting to make his mouth move again. Blurting out crap. 

‘’I do. And you have always been on the number one spot. Just one little kiss from Isak. ‘’

‘’You can have another one. I don’t mind.’’

That’s Isak. And now his face is blushing pink with embarrassment. He can’t believe he just said that. That he kind of in a roundabout way asked Even to kiss him again. 

‘’Like a buy one get one free deal?’’ Even says, his voice sounding all happy above Isak’s head, which is now face down in terry cotton. He can’t. He just can’t look up right now.

‘’More like steal one, and get one free with a get out of jail card. ‘’

‘’You’re funny.’’ 

That’s Even’s voice, right by his ear. Hot breath ghosting down Isak’s neck. 

‘’I’m terrified.’’ Isak whispers. 

It’s the truth. The honest god damn truth.

‘’Don’t be scared of me, please. You never have to be scared of me. I will never ever make you do anything you don’t want to do. I just want to be someone in your life, if you will let me. Your friend, or your whatever…’’

Even sounds small. He sounds just as small as Isak feels.

‘’When you kissed me the other day it made me feel things.’’ Isak still whispers. It’s like his voice just isn’t working right.

‘’That’s good. Feelings are good….as long as me kissing you didn’t make you feel nauseous or something. I had brushed my teeth.’’

It’s good to giggle. Just to chuckle softly as Even’s hands are stroking his back. Strong firm strokes in the same pattern, moving up and round his shoulder blades then back to the small of his back, making his shirt move. He likes it. He likes this closeness. The warmth. Feeling safe, because that, kind of works. Even makes him feel safe. Which is nice. 

‘’I like you.’’ Isak snuffles. He does. It’s the truth. 

‘’I adore you, even though you still act like I don’t exist most of the time. But then now and then you kind of get to me. It’s almost like you let all your safety shields down and I see the real you. Just for a little while, like now. When you are just you and I am just me and you need a hug and I get to give you one. It’s all I ever wanted. Just to be that person that gets to hug you. Hold you. Make everything better.’’

‘’You do make everything better. ‘’ Isak tries. He does. He really needs to get this out. ‘’You make me all confused but at the same time, you are the only thing that makes sense right now. You make me feel and you make my cock twitch and you make me want things that I never thought I wanted.’’

Yeah. Maybe that was too much. Well played Isak.

Well Even just laughs and keeps stroking his back. 

‘’I don’t want to be someone you just experiment with Isak. I need to know that you want this.’’

‘’That I want what? I don’t even know what I want and how can I know what I want if you won’t let me try. I mean do I have to beg for it? I just want you to kiss me so I can figure out if this is what I think it is, if I’m bloody gay or not.’’

Great. Now Even is pushing him away, then grabs his arms and gives him a litte shake and Isak just wants to cry. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

‘’You think that you are gay? Or not?’’ Even just looks at him.

‘’I don’t know!! How am I supposed to know? I had never met a man who I looked twice at before you burst into my life and climbed into my bed and now I can’t stop thinking about it and then everyone is pushing me around and saying ‘’Oh you are gay and Oh you are bi and Oh this and fucking that and I don’t know what the hell to think and they you go and kiss me and make me feel all kind of fucked up. What am I supposed to think? ‘’

‘’Sorry.’’ 

‘’For what? And don’t say sorry for kissing me because I liked it, I liked it alot and now I am freaking pathetic standing here begging for it. Because I really really want you to kiss me again and if you don’t kiss me I might just lose the plot.’’ 

Isak is panting. Standing there like the fool he is whilst Even lets go of him and clumsily tries to tie the ties of the robe tighter around his waist. 

‘’I’ve been pestering Elias for years to try to find out if you were the tiniest bit bi-curious so i would know whether i was a total nutcase pining for a straight guy, or if I had a chance. If you ever left your girlfriend, if I turned up, I just wanted to have some hope. A tiny little glimmer of hope.’’

‘’And what did Elias say?’’ Isak can’t believe he asks. Like that he wants to know. Because really?

‘’He said he didn’t have a clue, and that you never talked about your private life. But then Elias has zero gaydar, and then he got Eskild roped into trying to figure you out and you know what Eskild is like. He clocked you from day one and said you were so far in the closet that he was actually launching a rescue mission to Narnia to get you out.’’

‘’Wanker.’’ Isak laughs whilst his cheeks are flaming again and he is stomping around like Sara. Tracing invisible patterns on the floor with his feet. 

‘’Eskild is harmless. He loves everyone. Well not as much as he loves Elias but whatever.’’

‘’He loves Elias? Do they know eachother? From before this project?’’ 

‘’Eskild is my stylist, he’s been working for me for the last 5 years. I introduced them, and they hated each other from the very first moment. Eskild offended Elias by asking if he had a habit of buying his shirts from discount supermarkets.’’

‘’Ouch.’’ Isak giggles. He knows that Elias only buys his shirt from some stupid designer shop down on Aker Brygge. Shirts that are always too tight and kind of shiny.

‘’Yeah, and Elias called Eskild something very derogatory and Eskild gave him a speech. So yes, that first meeting didn’t go down well.’’

‘’Even?’’

‘’Then the next time I went to see Eskild, I was picking up a new suit for this award thing and Elias was sat in his kitchen. I mean, this was early on a saturday morning, and Elias never gets out of bed before 11 on a saturday…..’’

‘’Even.’’

He looks up, looking a little confused, having been rudely interrupted mid-sentence.

‘’Even you are still not kissing me.’’ 

It’s strange how the butterflies in his stomach have calmed down. How he’s already made a complete fool out of himself and outed all the stupid feelings brewing in his chest and there is nothing left really. There is nothing more he can do to lay himself more bare than he is right now, standing here in his flat with his shirt and jeans on and there is a hole in his sock and his big toe is sticking out, red with cold from not being covered. 

Isak is an idiot. He is. He always has been, but he’s who he is and Even looks just as terrified as Isak feels as he just stands there and stares at him, his mouth a little slack. His eyes full of fear mixed with kindness. His arms still curled tight around his own body. 

‘’I really want to kiss you.’’ Isak says. Because it’s the truth. And somehow, somewhere this seems like a good time to stop lying. To be honest and raw and bare and naked. ‘’I want to kiss you and I want you to come and lie in bed with me and hold me and I want you to sleep next to me with your shirt off.’’

‘’With my shirt off?’’ Even says, and there is that smile. The calm smile that makes him radiate something that Isak can’t explain apart from that it makes him all warm and silly and he practically shoves the damn bathrobe over Even’s shoulder and….well. Why stop when he’s on a mission? He drags Even’s t-shirt over his head. Throws it on the floor, then takes a little step back so he can look at the man in front of him. 

He’s fucking tall. But so is Isak, so they are almost the same height. Nose to nose. Thin pale shoulders and a defined chest, that looks just as picture perfect as it does on the billboards where Even’s almost nude body currently advertises some posh clothing brand at most of the bus stops in Oslo.

He’s just as hairless as Isak himself, smooth skin that his fingers automatically reaches out and just strokes. Just a little touch from the collarbone down over Even’s chest. 

It’s just skin. Fingertips against chest, but Even’s breath has gone a little funny and Isak’s fingers are once again ahead of his brain, unbuttoning his own shirt faster then he ever has before, almost ripping the fabric from his own body and letting his hands land firmly on Even’s shoulders.

‘’I need you to mean this Isak.” Even whispers. “I need you to promise that you’re not just messing around with me, because if you did, I don’t think I could survive it. This isn’t a game to me. This is my heart and a lifetime of messed up attraction to you. I can’t just switch it off if you decide that you don’t like me that way. You can’t just experiment with me and then say, sorry, I’m not gay. I don’t work that way.’’

‘’Neither do I” Isak actually sounds confident. “ I’ve never felt anything like this before. I have never been attracted to someone like I am attracted to you. I don’t even like sex and here I am ripping my clothes off like a fool hoping that you will kiss me and take me to bed and show me what the hell this is all about.’’

‘’You want this?’’ Even questions and Isak almost wants to roll his eyes. 

‘’I want you.’’ he says instead. ‘’I want you to kiss me.’’

‘’You’re obsessed with me kissing you.’’

‘’It was a very good kiss.’’

‘’Even if it was stolen.’’

‘’Stolen kisses are the best.’’

‘’So steal one get one free?’’

‘’Definitley.’’

So he does. He steals a kiss, and Isak’s life is never going to be the same again.

  
  
  



	19. NINETEEN

He wakes up with the sun blasting onto his face through the blinds, having completely forgotten to shut them last night. Not that anyone can see in, the bedroom windows conveniently hidden behind the snow covered tree branches nestled between the apartment blocks. 

He’s alone, the bed messy and cold, sheets tangled between his legs and his cotton underpants twisted up in the crack of his arse.

There’s a strange burn all over his face, and he rubs the course stubble on his chin trying to get his thoughts straight. 

He kissed the hell out of Even last night. And Even kissed him back until his head was spinning and his cock was throbbing and his whole body was just not behaving like it should. 

However a body should behave, but somehow Isak had let go. Let Even take the lead and he had kissed him until they were both panting and breathless, and then Even had wrapped him up in his arms and tucked the duvet under his chin and told him to go to sleep whilst Isak’s cock twitched in frustration and one of his fingers were twisting under the waistband in Even’s boxers and his brain was full of messed up ideas of letting himself just rock against Even’s thighs until he would orgasm in a heap of emotions and make a complete fool out of himself. Because Even is just not anyone and he is obviously much more experienced in this whole sex thing than Isak is, having barely managed to have sex to a whole one person in his life. Who was Sara of course, and when they did have sex he struggled to get his head to co-operate with his dick at the best of times. 

He had gone to sleep. He had had no choice, being held with Even’s breath warm and wet against his forehead and all this warm body plastered against his chest. 

Isak had loved it. He loved the skin and the warmth and the feeling of being loved. He loved how Even had held him. How he had clung to him back. 

It’s a little bit ridiculous how the smile on his face is just there, he can’t help it as he stretches his body out over the bed letting his shoulders creak and his feet creep out into the cool air from under the edge of the duvet. 

‘’Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?’’ Even asks softly, appearing in the doorway carrying two cups of steaming, what he hopes is, coffee. The tea-bag label dangling from the one in his right hand should have given it away but the aroma of Italian espresso is wafting past his nostrils and if Isak wasn’t so dumbstruck with himself he might have sat himself up and reached out to grab the cup Even is holding out to him. Instead he just lies there.

‘’Sit up baby, you look totally comatosed. Let’s get some caffeine into you.’’ Even says and gently places the cup down on the nightstand next to them. His hands are hot from the cups, wrapping around Isak’s wrists as he gently pulls him into his embrace. Yes because Isak is limp like a baby, completely unable to function it seems. He just melts into Even’s shoulder, his lips finding space against the skin on Even’s neck and his nose breathes in, maybe a little louder and more excessive than strictly necessary. He can't help it. Even smells like softness and love and tenderness and coffee and his hair is wet at the tips like he has just showered. Then there is the slight undertone of strawberry soap. The disgusting childrens stuff Emi insists that he buys because it has a mermaid on the bottle and the plastic lid is a particularly appealing shade of pink. 

‘’Did you use Emi’s soap?’’ Isak half giggles. He’s officially rubbish at this. Even told him he is beautiful and Isak replies by reprimanding him for using his hygiene products.

‘’It smells like her. All sweet and childish. I love it. I might have to buy a bottle to keep with me when I go away next. Something that I can smell to remind me of the two of you.’’

‘’You can have it.’’ Isak blushes. He’s really rubbish at being kind. He’s rubbish at telling Even how fucking grateful he is that Even has stayed. That he hasn’t left Isak in the horrible position of waking up alone and agonising for days whether he will ever kiss Even again. The thought makes him jerk with fear and without thinking he smashes his mouth on Even’s. Like he could stop himself from kissing the lips in front of him. Like he wasn’t a totally lost cause, because now that he has discovered kissing Even, there is nothing else he wants to do.

‘’Gorgeous boy.’’ Even hums into his mouth. ‘’No regrets I hope?’’

‘’Regrets for what?’’ Isak almost whispers. He needs more kissing. He’s pretty much forgotten about the coffee next to him and the awkwardness of being half naked tangled up in his own duvet when this man is right here and there is nothing but a thin t-shirt and the damn boxers he keeps wearing to separate the two of them. 

‘’Making out with me. Letting me sleep with you.’’ Even says quietly.

‘’We didn’t really do anything.’’ Isak says, letting himself lean back so he can meet Even’s eyes. ‘’We only kissed. I want more. I want so much more.’’ 

Isak is almost panting. He wants everything.

‘’The things I want to do with you would last us a lifetime Isak. I want to do everything with you, but we have to take things slow, because I am not messing this up. Never. I need you to want me, to want this with me.’’

‘’I want you to fuck me.’’ Isak almost gasps at himself. His mouth should come with a health warning. Seriously.

‘’Isak...I want that. I do want it’’ Even’s hands are up in the air, flapping about before landing curled around Isak’s face. ‘’Isak, Anal sex requires trust, full on trust. There is nothing I would like more than to flip you over and fuck you right into this mattress, but darling, I would hurt you. We need to get to know each other, and figure out what exactly turns you on and how you and I work. I need you to trust me, that I would never ever hurt you, and then, and only then, should we even entertain the idea of having sex.’’

‘’That doesn't work for me.’’ Isak mouth speaks. ‘’I can’t walk around and keep wondering what the hell I am doing. I need to know what this is. I need to know if I’m gay and if maybe this sex thing has got me all tied up into thinking that there is something wrong with me, when maybe I was just with the wrong person.’’

‘’I think you just answered your own question there.’’ Even replies softly. 

‘’Then have sex with me Even. I trust you.’’ He’s begging again. Being ridiculous. 

‘’Isak, there is nothing wrong with you. You just hadn’t met me. ‘’

There it is again. The little laughter. The smile that makes Isak melt into nothing. 

‘’I had met you. I just didn’t know. ‘’

‘’Do you believe in fate?’’ Even is still smiling, his hands moving gently down over Isak’s bare shoulders. Gripping his biceps and stroking down until they land on his thighs.

‘’Maybe?’’ Isak questions, and reaches out to pick up his cup. Because he needs to do something with his hands. Anything. Hot warm liquid running down his throat as Even makes himself comfortable on the bed, his legs wrapping around Isak’s body, sitting like a child between his legs. It’s ridiculous. But equally just what Isak needs. Comfort. Closeness. Being practically caged in so he can’t lose his nerve and run away. 

‘’I don’t. But I know I am the guilty party here. I have pretty much stalked you since the day I met you. Forced Elias to update me on what you were doing. Sana just laughs in my face if I even mention your name. I have waited and waited and waited and now… I still can’t believe that you are really here. That I might get to be with you. Because I want to . I want to be with you so much.’’

‘’I’m here. I’m right here Even.’’

Isak drains the last of his cup, and puts it on the bedside table, reaching out to grab Even’s half drunk cup out of his hands, before placing it carefully down next to the other cup. 

‘’What do you want Even? What can you see happening here?’’ 

Isak’s hands are back in Even’s hair. Tangling absentmindedly in the long strands falling gently around his neck. 

‘’I’m going to tell you something.’’ Even says, almost tasting the words in his mouth before carefully letting them out. He leans in to place another little kiss on Isak’s lips. Just a small gentle nudge that sends shivers down Isak’s spine.

‘’This bed, right here is now our kingdom.’’

‘’A kingdom?’’ Isak is smiling again. The man is totally weird. Adorable.

‘’It’s a new bed right? No one else but you and me have ever slept here?’’

‘’No one else. Just Emi.’’

‘’Princess Emi.’’

‘’Princess Emi of the bed kingdom.’’ Isak is smiling so hard that he thinks his cheeks might crack.

‘’Don’t take the piss.’’ Even laughs. ‘’Anyway, this bed is now our Kingdom, where you and I are kings. And whatever happens in this bed, stays in this bed. It is also a kingdom of safety and love. Whenever we are here, like this, together, we can ask for anything and be totally honest about what we want and what we don’t want. There are no arguments allowed. We can scream and shout all we like outside but once in bed it stops. This is where we love eachother. ‘’

‘’Yeah?’’ Isak’s mouth barely works. 

‘’But please don’t shout at me. I hate when you shout at me.’’

‘’I will try not to shout at you.’’

‘’Thank you.’’ 

And _ there _ are those kisses again. The mouth on Isak’s that makes his toes curl up and his hips try to roll even though he is sitting down and is nowhere near anywhere to give his groin a bit of friction. Which is ridiculous. Even is talking a load of airy fairy stuff and Isak is getting a hard on. 

‘’So in this kingdom. I’m a king. And I can demand things?’’ 

‘’You can have whatever you want ‘’ Even doesn’t realize what he is promising, because Isak  _ wants  _ things. Several things. He could write Even a list. A long pretty detailed one. 

‘’I want you to make me come. And I want to make you come. I don’t know if I am any good at it…’’

‘’Shush.’’ Even’s hand is on top of Isak’s mouth. HIs fingers stroking his lips. Which makes Isak’s cock twitch again.

‘’You don’t ever put yourself down. Ever. That shit stops now. You are amazing. You are the most beautiful human I have ever seen. You are mine. I want you to be mine. Please be mine. I don’t care if you never even touch me, you will still be the sexiest man in the world.’’ 

‘’Then please Even….’’

‘’I won’t fuck you.’’

‘’Please. Please just ….’’ 

It’s funny how quickly Isak can move when he wants to. How he clumsily rips Even’s T’shirt from his body, getting the hem stuck under his chin, whilst Even just smiles as Isak climbs all over this ridiculous man and his bloody long giraffe legs that are kicking around as Isak plasters his body on top of Even’s. How his one hand is pushing Even down on the bed, whilst his other hand is skimming his own arse out of his tight cotton boxers. Yeah and that’s him again. Tugging Even’s boxers down over that perfectly round arse of his. Because Isak needs skin. He wants naked. And his mind is spinning with fear, because this is total madness. Unchartered territory. 

‘’I don’t know how to do this.’’ He pants out when he comes up for air, before his tongue is back in Even’s mouth, licking at the roof of his mouth whilst Even let’s out a soft moan. 

‘’ Just do whatever you want to.’’ Even whispers. ‘’I’ll like whatever you do.’’

‘’Show me?’’ Isak begs, letting his fingers bluntly trace Even’s lips. 

His cheeks are flushed, and a bright red bloom has spread over his chest. And there is definitely something hard poking at Isak’s stomach as Even flips him back over on the bed. 

And there he is. Flat on his back with nothing but skin. Warm and soft against his body, pressing him down on the bed, whilst Even rolls his hips and lets his forehead come to rest against Isaks.

‘’I’m not going to last long. Not with you like this. I almost came when you climbed on top of me. You are so fucking hot Isak. You have no idea what you do to me.’’ Even whispers.

‘’Can I touch you?’’ Isak asks. He wants to. So much.

‘’Here’’ Even says and grabs Isak’s hand, pulling it up towards his mouth, kissing his fingertips. 

He trails them down over his chin, drawing little lines over his jaw before making Isak’s fingers stroke down over his chest. 

‘’My nipples are really sensitive. Just stroke them, gently and I will purr like a kitten.’’ he smiles as Isak leans up and sucks Even’s lips into his mouth. Hard. Probably a little to hard but Even makes some sounds that seem to shoot straight to Isak’s cock, and to be honest he feels a little dizzy. Almost faint. 

‘’The skin on my hips is another place I love being touched. Just slowly and softly, stroking down towards my groin.’’ He angles his hips up and Isak can feel Even’s cock bouncing softly against his own stomach, which apparently makes Isak’s skin develop goosebumps. All over. 

‘’Here’’ Even says, planting another wet open mouthed dirty kiss on Isak’s mouth. ‘’This is Mr Cock. ‘’ And Isak’s hand falls gently on the hard organ, that jerks softly under Isak’s touch. 

  
  
  


‘’Mr Cock?’’ Isak splutters out, as Even slides off his body, making himself comfortable alongside Isak’s side, his arm folding in so Even can rest his head against Isak’s shoulder whilst Isak’s hand is folded around a hard warm penis. Guided gently by Even’s hand whilst Isak doesn’t know what to say. Or do. Or how to feel about all this. 

‘’Mr Cock likes being stroked. He likes his head being caressed and the foreskin just moving gently around in little circles. Just like this. But then he is very excited to meet your dick. Because he thinks they might become very very good friends.’’ 

Isak doesn’t know wether to laugh or cry. His mouth is stuttering out syllables and his hand has somehow started to pump Even’s cock, slow lazy movements with Even’s hand still gently pressed on his. 

‘’Mine hasn’t got a name.’’ He blurts out. ‘’Me and my dick have never really been on good terms. He’s really confusing. And lazy, because he never does what I want him to do when he needs to but then he get’s all hot and bothered…..’’

What the hell is he doing? Isak stops in his tracks. He’s a grown up bloke lying here talking to his dick whilst Even is nodding in agreement.

‘’I think you and your dick need to do some bonding. You and him need to have a little talk and then I think you should introduce him. Let him meet Mr Cock.’’

Isak just laughs. It’s ridiculous how much he likes this. Just lying here naked whilst stroking Even’s hardness with his own naked manhood crazily on display. Right there. Not that Even is staring at it or anything, which would make Isak all self conscious and frankly weirded out, no Even’s eyes have not left Isak’s since rolling off him. He’s just there. Solid and grounding staring at Isak with so much love in his eyes that it’s honestly a little overwhelming.

His hand lets go of Even and he grasps clumsily at the duvet and manages to get underneath, Even right there helping him cover himself up.

‘’You are beautiful. Gorgeous. Never ever think you are not, because I won’t let you. I’m going to tell you how pretty you are, every single day. ‘’

‘’You are stunning.’’ Isak manages to get out, whilst he can feel the blush creep back 

‘’I just want to be with you. Lie here all day long with you.’’ Even whispers, whilst his lips press against Isak’s skin. His chest rising and falling with Even’s breaths pushing against his side. 

‘’Then fuck me. Please. Show me what you need. I need to know….’’

‘’Isak…’’ Even warns. 

‘’No. This is what I want. You said this is where we are honest. In this bed. In our kingdom. I need this. I’ve spent my whole life having really bad sex. Really bad. You wouldn't know, but when it’s bad, its so bad it makes your life horrible. Your relationship becomes a battlefield of lies and hiding and trying to avoid getting into a situation which could lead to anything, because the last thing I wanted was to give Sara any ideas that I might want to have sex. I didn’t. It was too much pressure and trying to perform when my head was somewhere else completely. Your head becomes full of guilt and shame and I hated myself. I hated Sara. I hated having this body that just didn’t work. And I hated that I didn’t understand how to make myself feel better. I hated that I didn’t want to have sex with my girlfriend. I need this. I need you to show me how it should be, because if you are in love with me, and I think, I think I there is nobody else in the world that I would rather do this with, then this could be ….I want it to be. I need it. Please. Please make it good. Please help me. Please just make me feel like I’m not broken.’’

He hadn’t noticed the tears running down his cheeks. How he is shaking with emotion. How he has once again let his mouth spill out all his bloody truths. 

‘’Baby. You are not broken. You are perfect, and wonderful and I am so in love with you that I don’t even know how to explain it to you. Isak. Isak look at me.’’

He can’t. Instead he curls up into Even’s chest, his hand still in a vice like grip around Even’s now half hard cock. 

‘’Baby, Darling. Calm down. If that is what you need, then I will give you what you need. I will take care of you and make love to you, I promise. All day long until you are so sore and exhausted that you will beg me to stop. OK?’’

‘’Don’t stop.’’ Isak whispers. 

‘’I won’t.’’ Even replies, letting his hands roam gently all over Isak’s back. Slow gentle strokes whilst Isak’s body shakes with sobs he didn’t know he had in him. His face buried against skin. His mind racing with confusion and in a strange way relief. 

‘’I love you.’’ Even says. 

‘’Then show me.’’ Isak replies. 

  
  



	20. TWENTY

In a way it feels like hours, but Isak is pretty sure he has just been lying here for maybe minutes. Perhaps 10. 15. Not that he has been counting, his mind has in a way gone completely blank, like he is surrounded by a haze full of Even. 

Even who hasn’t stopped talking to him, stroking his skin with his fingers painting lazy trails, and his mouth talking silly nonsense that makes Isak drool and smile in equal measures. 

‘’See? You are nicely relaxed now. Nice and calm. So pretty.’’

Even. He’s like no one Isak has ever met. He’s the only person Isak has ever met who talks to him like he’s… Isak can’t even find words. Like he is special. Something. Like he is all of those ridiculous things that are coming out of Even’s mouth. A steady stream of compliments and little quirky comments and if Isak is very honest with himself, the way Even is talking about the way his muscles are bulging under his skin is making Isak a little bit hard. Well that’s a lie. Isak has probably been half hard since he woke up over an hour ago and he still hasn’t eaten and to be honest he probably couldn't eat right now anyway. Nope. Well unless it involves sucking on Even’s cock, because his brain is kind of fried thinking about that. Would he like it? Probably. Would Even like it? Oh hell.

‘’Isak, If anything is too much just tell me to stop.’’ Even whispers. 

He hadn’t even registred that Even is kissing his chest. Flicking his tongue over Isak’s nipples that are hardening up alongside those goosebumps that are making his body shiver. His head is just too lost in the sensation of it all. The softness of lips kissing down his stomach. The gentle touches of Even’s fingers against his chest. Then the almost painful sensation of his nipples being rolled between Even’s fingers and Isak’s hips are arching off the bed whilst Even just shushes him and keeps kissing down towards his groin. 

Kisses. Soft and a little noisy. Small smacks and the coldness of the wet that they leave behind. 

Then there is pain. Twisting his skin as Even’s mouth sucks a bruise on to his hip.

‘’OUCH!!’’ Isak whines, twisting his hip away from Even’s mouth. 

‘’Just a little mark, something you will find in the morning when you look in the mirror. Just to remind you that you are mine. That I am the one who loves you.’’

If Isak wasn’t so far gone into the twilight zone of anticipation, if is mind wasn’t screaming with want and need and maybe a fair amount of fear, then he would have laughed. Instead he lets his mouth produce a moan, that is a little too loud for Isak’s liking. It seems to spur Even on, as that menace of a mouth on him is now licking lines down Isak stomach which Isak never realized makes his mouth produce the sound track straight out of a bad porno. 

He laughs softly as Even’s mouth engulfs the head of his cock. Just sucking on the head which makes Isak fist the sheets with fear. He never liked this. He shouldn’t like this. 

He likes this.

‘’What’s his name?’’ Even says. 

Isak wants to shout at him to get back to sucking. 

‘’You said Kings.’’ Isak pants, swallowing loudly and trying to get his head into gear. ‘’So he’s obviously His royal highness. Something. ‘’ 

Yeah now Isak is moaning again. Doing sounds he thinks he promised himself he would never do. 

Even’s mouth sucks again. Then let’s Isak’s dick plop out with a little slurp.

‘’So he is His Royal Highness sir Dick?’’ Even’s voice is full of laughter, his mouth full of suppressed giggles as he takes Isak further down his throat, letting his hand work the root which makes Isak’s head almost short circuit. 

‘’Fuck you are good at that.’’ Isak manages to get out. ‘’Sir Dick.’’ His breath is all wrong. His body twisting on the sheets and his hands are cramping fisting handfuls of Even’s hair. 

‘’You get bonus points for tugging at my hair whilst I blow you. You can set the tempo. Push a little. I like it.’’ And there goes Even’s mouth again whilst Isak now roars. Almost shouting, half hearted attempts at forming words when he doesn't have a clue what he is supposed to say. 

Fuck? More? I fucking love that you are blowing my mind with just letting my dick into your mouth? I love that you trust me enough to do this. I love that you love me. 

He scraps that last sentence. Then let’s his face break into a smile. 

‘’Do you love me?’’ He pants out whilst his cock is so far down Even’s throat that he can feel the tip of Even's nose rooting in his pubes. And just the thought of that is making things heat up in his balls. His toes curl. His legs shake and spread wider to accommodate Even’s body sliding down until he is lying on his stomach between Isak’s legs with his mouth devouring what is now apparently known as 'His Royal Highness Sir Dick'. 

‘’Adore you’’ Even almost croaks out. ‘’You taste like heaven. Loads of precome. You are all wet and salty and delicious.I could come from just blowing you and grinding against the sheets. But that would be cheating.’’ The last word is followed by a little giggle and Isak’s neck cranes up so he can see him smile. Watch him as his eyes keep a firm gaze on Isak’s whilst his mouth swallows him back down, with a mischievous grin.

‘’Touch me.’’ Isak’s mouth says. He means, touch me there. Do it. Make me want it. Not that he is brave enough to say it. Not yet. 

‘’Have you got lube?’’ Even says, licking his lips, and then letting the tip of his tongue flick over Isak’s slit, right as a drop of liquid appears at the tip. 

Fuck me. Isak thinks. Please. 

‘’ Isak? Lube?’’

‘’Ehr? ‘’

‘’What do you use for wanking?’’

‘’My hand?’’

‘’Oh sweetheart. Just lie here, don’t move. I have supplies in my bag.’’

Isak wants to scream NO! Fuck the supplies. Who the hell needs supplies?

Then he moans and whines with relief when Even kneels on the bed and wedges himself down between Isak’s legs. Isak who has clearly lost the plot, stark naked on the bed with his cock in the air and his legs bending up like he wants this. Like his body was just made for this. Needs this. 

‘’Want you.’’ He moans. 

‘’You will have me. I just have to get you ready.’’

There is the flick of a cap. The wrapper of a condom being torn and laid out next to him on the bed. Warm soft liquid being smeared between his legs whilst he raises his hips and Even pushes his legs up in the air, exposing him totally. 

It’s horribly awkward. Being exposed. Raw. Showing this side of himself lying here naked with his arse on display whilst Even just smiles at him and tells him that he is beautiful.

‘’Isak?’’

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’You look terrified. Do you want me to stop?’’

‘’NO!!’’

‘’Do you need a few seconds? A minute to breathe?’’

Isak’s head is shaking so fast it almost gives him a headache. 

‘’Need this.’’ Is all his mouth manages to grit out. 

‘’OK baby.’’ Even says, letting his body cover Isaks’, his mouth kissing any doubts in his head away. Because somehow. When Even’s mouth is on his. When he has his nose squashed into the cheek of this ridiculous man, somehow he is OK. He’s Better than OK. Somehow this is amazing. Safe. Thrilling. Awkward. Funny. Ridiculous. Embarrassing. All twisted into one. 

‘’The lube should be self warming, but it might feel a little cold on your skin.’’ 

There he goes again, his arse up in the air and his hands holding his knees up so his hole is exposed, whilst Even drizzles what he assumes is lube over his crack. 

Things Isak Valtersen will never do. Part one. Scrap that. Apparently this is something he’s doing. And Even’s fingers circling his anus is making his mouth sound out random syllables again. And clench around Even’s finger as he presses gently against the ring of muscles where no mans hand should go. Except Even’s. Because Even is making it amazing. Softly pushing whilst shushing and telling him to just relax and trust him. 

He loses track of time lying there just letting his body feel. The strange sensation of Even’s fingers pushing against his muscles instinct to reject the intrusion into his passage. He can’t even find the words for it in his head. Just that once he relaxes it feels good. It feels amazing. Intimate. Strange. 

His feet are tingling from lack of blood. His arms spasming with the effort of holding himself up. His mouth spilling soft happy little sounds whilst there is sweat trickling down his forehead. 

‘’So beautiful. I love you so much. You are amazing. Gorgeous. So sexy. I am so fucking hard Isak I will get one push inside you and I will just die from coming. Right there.’’

Isak wants to say, same. Same Even. I am about to die, because my cock is about to explode and my brain is fried and I am so fucking gay it’s not even funny because I love this. 

It all translates into some animalistic cry from Isak’s throat as Even touches something deep in side of him and Isak sees stars. Well that’s a lie. Lots of stars. Lights and darkness and his leg kicks out into thin air and Even does it again whilst Isak is sure he is laughing at him, lying here helpless in the throws of his impending death by gay sex. Because it’s coming. He won’t survive this. Not only is his brain about to shoot out of his dick, but he will no doubt come all over himself before Even even starts fucking him and he will be a sure embarrassment to mankind. The gay mankind. 

‘’I’m gay.’’ He pants. 

‘’I know. You are very gay and very pretty. ‘’ Even sound serious. A little out of breath and flushed and there is a beautiful blush of red on his chest. 

‘’You are stunning.’’ Isak says. Staring. Whilst his cock twitches and his hips are humping against Even’s fingers that are definitely doing things to his arse. Twisting and scissoring and touching that spot which makes Isak’s head fall back against the pillows accompanied by another weird sounding moan of words.

‘’I love you.’’ Even whispers and there is the sound of the condom. The little snaps of rubber against taut skin. More lube drizzling over his skin and then there are kisses again. He loves the kisses. He loves this. He loves Even. He loves everything.

‘’I love sex.’’ It’s not him talking. Surely.

‘’Me too.’’

‘’I love sex with you.’’

‘’Good. Because I am about to fuck you until you are mine. Until you are so worn out there will be nothing left of you. I’m going to make love to you until all that is left of you is a puddle of nothing. Are you OK with that? Are you ready?’’

Isak thinks he’s nodding. He hopes. He’s not quite sure of anything right now apart from that his body is shaking and he‘s too hot but it’s cold and Even is right there watching him and he loves him. He does. His whole body loves Even. Because Even? He’s just. He’s gorgeous. And he loves him and that is definitely something big pushing against the opening between his buttcheeks and it’s never going to fit and his body clenches up and tightens and his breath is hitching …

‘’Breathe baby.’’ Even soothes. His lips on his. Fingers on his cheek. Eyes watching him with so much love that Isak is becoming a little lightheaded. His body tingling with lack of oxygen. His breath far too fast. His insides screaming with the pressure that might or not be pain. It’s weird. Uncomfortable. Sticky. Hot. 

‘’You are amazing. So brave. There. Just a little more. Breathe out and push against me baby. Bear down.’’ 

His nose is scrunched up and his eyes won’t even blink. All he can think is Even. Even Even. 

‘’There.’’ Even is breathless, the word barely audible. ‘’You are mine. I’m yours. You’re amazing. So fucking beautiful. So fucking mine. You’re mine. Always. Noone elses.’’

There are too many words. Too little kissing, which Isak fixes by finally making his arms work. Tugging and pulling at the man above him, jerking his hips and wincing with the feel of Even moving inside him. It hurts. It fucking hurts. He’s full and he’s being split apart and he’s being fucked and Even’s hips are moving and every little nerve ending is firing up inside him as Even gently slides out, only to push straight back in as Isak’s eyes rolls to the back of his head and his mouth starts shouting. 

It’s like nothing. It’s everything. 

Then Even shifts and tugs at Isak’s cock and then he pegs his prostate on the third thrust and Isak sees galaxies. Endless oceans of black and stars all over wherever his head is at and he can’t even scream anymore. Not a word is escaping his mouth, that is wide open, slack with awe as Even’s face hovers above him. 

‘’I’m gonna….’’ Even almost drools, his eyes closed and his hips changing the angle again. Pistoning faster and faster as his arm is clearly struggling to hold up the weight of his body, whilst his other hand is making Isak’s cock leak with joy.. 

‘’Isak’’ He moans. Sweat dripping from his forehead as Isak loses control. He thinks. He’s not sure if he even thinks anymore. 

He thinks this must be what death is like. Darkness and light and eternal skies of nothing. His brain full of fuzz and his body screaming with pleasure so intense that it’s more like pain. 

He’s had orgasms. He knows that it feels like. But his mouth finally screams into Even’s mouth and Even’s body goes rigid, whilst he holds his breath against Isak’s lips. Pants. Holds his breath again. Then slumps on top of him whilst Isak tries to catch him. His arms clumsily folding around the dead weight on top of him.

They lie there in silence, not daring to move. 

He can feel Even’s softening cock sliding out of his body, and almost squirms at the sensation. 

‘’Even?’’ He questions softly.

‘’Yeah?’’ It’s more a croak than a word.

‘’Are you still alive?’’

‘’I should be asking you that. Are you OK? Did I hurt you? Please tell me I didn’t hurt you?’’

‘’You didn’t hurt me. You fucked the living daylights out of me ‘’

‘’As promised.’’

Isak’s cheeks are smiling. He doesn’t quite know why, but there is laughter brewing in his chest and giggles threatens to explode from his mouth and Even’s lips are on his and it’s good. It’s all so good.

‘’I’ve been dreaming of making love to you since forever. I have thought about you, having you in my arms. You letting me take you. I never in my wildest dreams thought you would. That you would one day be mine.’’

‘’Don’t. Don’t cry.’’ He can’t bear it. Can’t bear the sound of his voice, the emotion and the tears of Even crying. Not now. Not when things are amazing. 

‘’Just happy.’’ Even sniffles. 

‘’You make me happy.’’ Isak whispers. It’s the truth. 

‘’I’m gay.’’ He says. ‘’I’m totally gay.’’

‘’No baby.’’ Even smiles. ‘’You are just mine. Mine mine mine.’’

‘’I like that.’’ His mind is still not fully out of the haze. Scrambling to find the words for what he wants to say. 

‘’Stay.’’ he manages to say. ‘’No more hotels. No more mattresses and sofas. Stay. If I’m yours then you are mine, and that means you stay with me.’’

It’s cute the way Even looks all confused. Emotional and smiling whilst his eyes are a little pink from tears. 

‘’Okay?’’ 

‘’Okay. I’ll have a key cut on monday, and your bag stays here. No more dragging it in every day. ‘’

‘’Bossy Isak is back. I like him.’’ 

‘’He likes you too. Very much.’’ 

Even just kisses him. Soft and sweet on the lips making his face blush. He loves this. He just had sex. Sex. Proper sex. With Even. Who has a cock. And his dick liked it. He liked it. Alot.

‘’Don’t think too hard. Just go with it.’’ Even places a little kiss on his nose.

‘’Was there any food in the fridge?’’ Isak asks, his stomach suddenly rumbling. He is ravenous. Exhausted. Sweaty. Sore. 

Happy. Fucking happy.

‘’Kids yoghurt, Jam and a packet of hot dogs.’’

‘’Will you brave breakfast with me? There is a little place down the road. Bacon and stuff. Good coffee. Croissants?’’

Even just smiles. 

‘’For you? For you, I will brave anything.’’


	21. TWENTY ONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the lovely comments and for reading!! I hope you are enjoying it, and we have 4 more chapters to go. Phew!  
> Massive kudos to Lovethem 2121 who has effortlessly gone along wiht my every whim and provided the amazing visuals to each chapter. Amazing job as always, and this has been so much fun!  
> Sorry for the early posting but I have my last work trip home tonight and I will be off grid until tomorrow afternoon, so I didn't want to keep you waiting that long for chapter 21. Back to normal posting on the 22nd. xxxx

SARA: I hate you. I hate you so fucking much.

ISAK: No you don’t.

SARA: I keep getting these rages of anger when I just want to punch you in the face Isak. How could you have lied to me all these years? And why was I so fucking blind that I didn’t notice? I lived with you for fucks sake? I knew you better than anyone else and it turns out I didn’t know you at all?

ISAK: It’s not your fault Sara, It was never your fault. I didn’t know myself, well maybe I did a little, but you know when there is something about you, that you just get good at hiding? I think it was a bit like that. It was something I chose not to be. I think.

SARA: You're a fucking idiot.

ISAK: Agree.

SARA: I don’t hate you. I loved you so bloody much and it just hurts. It hurts that all we had was a lie.

ISAK: What we had was never a lie. Never. We were young and immature and we were in love, remember? I mean I was there too. We can’t just forget that we had good times. We would never have lasted as long as we did if we didn’t have good times.

SARA: Remember that cycling holiday Ingrid forced us to come on?

ISAK: OMG worst holiday ever.

SARA: It was fun though. Remember we told everyone we were going to go a different route and ended up shoving those damn bikes on the back of a truck and getting a lift to the nearest bar. We were rat arsed by the time the others rolled in.

ISAK: See? We had fun. There were some good times. When we were good we were really good.

SARA: And when we were bad I felt like I was living in a nightmare that I just couldn’t wake up from. You can be a total arse when you want to be.

ISAK: Even says I shout at him. I never realized I shout.

SARA: You shout. It’s a bit frightening when you get into one of your rants.

ISAK: I’m going to try not to shout.

SARA: I’m going to try to find a new partner. A Single one. Who is straight.

ISAK: You need to find someone who deserves you. I never did.

SARA: And there he goes again, trying to sweet talk me into liking you again.

ISAK: You like me Sara. You always have.

SARA: I like you a little. When I don’t hate you.

ISAK: Have a good week. I will remember to pick up Emi tonight and I promise not to feed her chocolate. All week. It will be all organic fruit and veg and nutrition. All healthy stuff. Promise.

SARA: Oh fuck off Isak.

ISAK: Love you babe.

SARA: I love you too. A little. I still hate you. FUCK ISAK!! You are GAY. G.A Y. You like cock. I need a gin and tonic. A double. And it’s only 6 in the morning. See? You ruin my life. Every day.

ISAK: Go get Emi up. Give her a kiss from her dadda.

SARA: Is Even still with you? Go give him a kiss from me. That’s the closest I will get to a hot dude these days.

ISAK: Leave Even alone. He’s mine.

SARA: Rub it in, won’t you? I’m going to have a cup of tea before I wake Emi, and a browse on Tinder.

ISAK: Good. Speak later.

SARA: Love you.

ISAK: See? You love me.

SARA: Fuck off.

Monday comes around too fast. Although Isak can’t think of a better way to have spent the weekend, messing around in the kitchen with the enormous amount of ingredients they bought during their impromptu supermarket shop, having made Even brave both Breakfast in a public cafe, where no one gave a rat’s arse about the two blokes devouring massive amounts of breakfast in the corner, and a short ride on a public bus. Where Isak held Even’s hand whilst Even hid his face in Isak’s shoulder. It didn’t help that Even’s naked torso was splashed all over the bus stop advert, nor that his face was on the side of the bus. That _that_ made Even nervous even Isak could understand. It made Isak pretty nervous too, but for a completely different reason. Because Isak is jealous. Jealous that the world gets to see what only Isak sees in the safety of their little kingdom. He loves the idea of the bed kingdom and Even is completely right. It’s a place of safety. A place where Isak is learning to let go. A place where he can figure out all the little things he never realized that his body could do.

But then he’s never met anyone like Even before. Someone who doesn’t care about the rules. Someone who orders two breakfasts and then a third because he can’t make up his mind. Someone who chats to the waitress like they are old friends, when they are obviously not. And someone who hooks his booted feet around Isak’s ankles without a care in the world, and then feeds him scrambled eggs across the table straight off the fork in his hand.

If he had been there with Emi, like he sometimes does at the weekend, it would have been fine. They have their little routine and sink into their own little bubble at their table. But with Even he felt strangely exposed, and he supposes a little bit self conscious. Whilst Even is nothing like that. Happy and smiling and talking and picking up his phone every now and then to add something to his notes.

Even now at 7 in the morning sharing the space at the kitchen table with Even’s laptop and Isak’s paper notes spread out on the surface, he feels exposed. Even is loudly sipping the damn green tea that makes Isak feel happy, in the weirdest way, whilst his own Espresso sits untouched next to him on the table. He’s ridiculous, because he understands what is making him nervous. What is creating that cloud of anxiety in his chest. It’s all new. Being loved like this and realizing that he himself, is perhaps a tiny bit in love. Smitten. A little bit obsessed with this man across the table.

“You’re making caramel almond cups, and chocolate toffee. Keeping it nice and simple, but using quality ingredients to get the right flavour. Normal syrup should be fine, but we’ll find some high quality cocoa to give it some extra strength. I will ask Sonja what brand she uses.’’

  


‘’That’s cheating.’’

Isak is smiling. His cheeks actually ache from smiling this much.

‘’Nope. Not cheating. I am just asking so I can make some epic toffees for my boyfriend.’’

‘’Who is this boyfriend you talk off?’’ Isak pretends to look offended whilst his whole body gives him away. He’s Even’s boyfriend. They talked about it. Not a long strange awkward conversation, they just simply stated facts in the middle of an epic kissing session. Deciding that there was really no need to beat around the bush. They were together. Partners. And that Even now lived with him. In Oslo. And that he loved Isak. Always had. Always would. Whilst Isak had buried his blushing face in Even’s neck, too overcome with emotions to even contemplate whispering those words back.

‘’ _You_ of course you twat.’’ Even smiles. ‘’I need a bowl of muesli. I’m starving.’’

Even acts like he lives here. Getting up and finding two bowls and taking the packet of cereal from the cupboard, where he had placed all the groceries they bought. Isak’s cupboards have never been this full. Like this is a family home now. Like. He doesn't know why but seeing all the packets of food lined up, he can recall every little moment of their shopping trip on Saturday. The quick stolen kisses in empty aisles. Even telling stories of his nieces and nephews. Of their likes and dislikes. Of meals gone wrong and some disastrous attempt of making his own sugar free healthy children’s granola that almost burnt Even’s sisters flat down.

‘’You are OK with the gingerbread dough.’’ Even continues, his head still in the fridge where he is supposed to get the milk but instead his pinching large blobs of gingerbread dough from the bowl that Isak had neatly covered.’’

‘’Hands off the gingerbread dough.’’ Isak quips. ‘’And grab me some juice. That pink stuff in the bottle.’’

‘’What are we having for dinner tonight?’’ Even asks as he pours dry flaky stuff into two bows, and generously covers them with milk.

‘’Emi eats at nursery before we pick her up, so she just needs some milk before bed. But maybe that cheese you bought and some biscuits.’’

‘’Your dinner habits are shocking Isak. That’s practically dessert. I’ll fry up some sausages and steam the vegetables, just broccoli, carrots and beans with a tiny bit of butter on top. Would that be OK?’’

Isak is already drooling. Yeah. Simple home cooked food. He can live with that.

‘’And cheese for dessert.’’ He tries.

‘’My baby can have cheese for dessert.’’ Even leans over and kisses him as he places the cereal bowls in front of them. One of those wet dirty kisses that Even does so well, the kind of kisses that makes Isak’s body fire up. He shouldn't think of sex. Not now. Over breakfast, when he has so much to plan before work today.

Maybe pretty much forcing Even to fuck him twice more was a bit much because Isak’s arse is stinging with every movement, and his hips ache like he has spent the weekend running marathons. Which isn’t far from the truth. His face is blotchy with rash and his lips cut and swollen. He also thanks whoever is in charge up there in the sky, for Winter, since there are some very suspicious marks on his arms and blotchy bruises on his neck and his hip carries Even’s marks all black and blue down his side. He should be embarrassed about the state of his body. Instead every ache makes him proud. His body did that. He did that. Even did that to him because they had sex. Real sex. Good toe curling head splintering mind blowing sex where Isak made a mess in the bed and they really need to change the sheets.

‘’We really need to change the sheets.’’ His mouth blurts out.

‘’We do.’’ Even winks. ‘’Don’t worry. I will strip the bed before we go and if you put some new sheets out I can remake the bed whilst you sort out the stuff you were going to pack for today.

‘’I just need bowls. I think I can find what I need in the prop cabinet. And those metallic paper cups for the caramels, and the red napkins.’’

‘’Bring in in the organic almonds, because I saw what the had the other day and they were nasty cheap things. You don’t want to risk the almonds being bitter, they should be smooth and creamy to the taste, to compliment the caramel.’’

‘’You sound like Sonja.’’ Isak laughs.

‘’I do, don’t I. Maybe I’m growing up.’’ Even almost looks sad.

‘’Never grow up. I like you. Just as you are.’’

‘’And there goes my boyfriend. Quoting Bridget Jones at me and it’s not even eight o'clock in the morning.’’

Isak just stares at him. Even. He likes him. Every strange quirky weird little piece of him.

“You OK Baby?” Even asks, shooting him a smile and a wink.

“I’m just stressed.” Isak whines, tugging at his hair and sweeping his espresso in one foul hit. “I’m so way out of my depth here that it’s not even funny. I mean. Eskild. He will love this crap. Noora will produce perfection and Chris. I don’t even want to think about Chris.”

“Don’t think about Chris.” Even giggles. “I love Chris to bits, but I don’t think you should be thinking of Chris right now.”

“Why not?” Isak almost crumples up the piece of paper in his hand. Stupid notes. Fucking ridiculous recipes.

“My sweet dear innocent little Isak.” Even sasses, then gets up from his chair and sinks to his knees between Isak’s legs.

“I’m neither sweet or innocent.” Isak hisses.

“Oh, and don’t I know it.” Even giggles whilst his hands are tugging at Isak’s jeans. Opening his fly button with a determined smile, then holding Isak’s gaze whilst he slowly leans over and grabs the zip toggle of Isak’s fly with his teeth.

“What. Are you doing? Even?” Isak tries to sound stern, when in fact he has a very good idea of what Even is doing.

“You’re all stressed? You said so yourself. And I told you, there is nothing I like more in the mornings than a cup of tea and a blow job.”

His face is all relaxed, as he looks up at Isak who honestly doesn’t know if he wants to kiss the man on his knees in front of him or sink through the floor with embarrassment. Because of course Even just yanks Isak’s cock right out of his underpants, and of course Isak is all hard and flustered and of course Even just smiles. Just gives Isak one of those little smiles and Isak turns into a puddle of nothing.

“What are you doing?” He whines out in a pathetic little voice.

“I’m just helping you destress. Like a good massage. You will be all relaxed and chilled in less than 5 minutes. Maybe even 4. I’m very good at blowjobs.” Even doesn’t speak after that as he sucks one of Isak’s balls into his mouth, the shock of it all making Isak almost fall of the rickety kitchen chair, managing to catch his fall by grabbing on to the sink with one hand and the kitchen table with the other, whilst he pants and kind of moans and thanks his lucky star or whatever that Emi is with Sara. Because he could get used to this. He likes this. A lot

“Ahhhrhhrh” He roars as Even’s tongue starts to lick circles around the head of his cock, poking gently at his slit whilst Even’s hand is snaking it’s way up under Isak’s shirt, soft gentle movements of his fingers, a little cold against his skin.

“Fuck!” He shouts and his body jerks as Even’s nails scratch over his nipple. His already erect nipple and his skin is on fire and his hips seem to be dancing along with Even’s head, that is bobbing gently in his lap.

“You liked it.” Even says, a little hoarse, as he releases Isak’s cock with a soft pop. “You pumped out a squirt of precome into my mouth as I pinched your nipple. Fuck I’m hard. Sorry, Just need to give Mr Cock some attention here.”

Yeah, because Even is like that. Isak is learning fast as he let’s his hips slide a little further down the chair so Even can tug his jeans down, and then Even pushes his own jeans right down, gets his own cock out and starts stroking himself. Right there in front of Isak, who leaks a little again. Yes. He likes this. He definitely likes this. Like he ever doubted that he would. Because somehow, this is just. It’s. He can’t even find the words.

“Touch yourself.” Even whispers.

Isak does. Not that it’s not weird. Not that this is something Isak would ever entertain doing. It’s just so not his thing. This. In the full sharp lighting from the kitchen lamp, and the window blinds open over the trees outside, and this ridiculous man on his knees in front of him, with his trousers straining over his thighs, and his cock on display and his hand jerking himself off whilst his eyes are all wet and glazed over and his jaw, with those lips, those lips that are wet and glistening in the light right there in front of him.

“Fuck, you’re amazing.” How Even can still speak is beyond Isak, because he has totally lost his ability to even open his mouth right now. His hand moving in some kind of dreamlike spasm over his length, his hips shivering with every movement and his own hand meeting Even’s as he leans back over and swallows Isak down to the root. Making little soft humming noises as his tongue does devilish things to that cock of his. HRH Sir Dick. Or whatever. It’s hard to even think coherent thoughts when Even is staring at him from down there, with Isak’s cock sliding in and out of his mouth, and Even’s eyes are watering with the effort, and he is gagging a little but Isak is learning to trust him. Just that little wink just before he takes him all the way down and Isak throws his head back and let’s his voice rip. He shouts. Roars. Comes so hard he thinks his head might just snap off his shoulders.

It shouldn’t be this good. It should illegal for something to feel that good. His heart beating out of his chest and his breath panting like he’s been running and his cheeks glowing, his mouth dry as the desert.

“Oh God.” Even whispers as he obviously comes. His face frozen in a snarl, and his eyes squeezed shut as something warm and wet hit’s Isak’s bare feet. And again.

“Even.” Isak whispers.

“Yeah baby?” His head is resting against Isak’s knees. His voice directed at the floor.

“I’m totally with you on the tea and blowjob thing. I think we should make it a thing. “

“It’s already a thing Isak.” Even puffs. “Although I think we need a pillow for this floor, my knees are killing me.”

“I’ll get you a pillow.” Isak laughs. “The blowjob pillow. Just don’t call it that in front of Emi.”

“Will it be Uncle Eben’s special pillow?” Even laughs and winks.

“Yeah. Uncle Eben’s special pillow for his bad knee. Poor Even.”

Even just blows a raspberry at him and laughs.

“What time to we need to leave to walk to work?”

“Can I convince you to try the bus?” Isak tries, letting his hand gently stroke Even’s cheek.

“I’m still scarred from yesterday. I will try again one day, but in rush-hour traffic? Can we please just walk?”

“We will walk.” Isak says and leans down to kiss those lips. His Even. His man.

“Thank you.” Even whispers.

“We need to leave in 10 minutes. And you need to change your jeans.”

Isak smiles as he walks into the bathroom to clean himself up. Smiles as he hears Even moving around in the bedroom, obvioustly changing out of his come-stained jeans into whatever that bag of his houses. Smiles as he looks himself in the mirror, seeing a man he barely recognizes.

A man who looks happy. A man who can’t stop smiling. A man who blushes at his own reflection.

It’s good. It’s all good.


	22. TWENTY TWO

Life is a joke, Isak concludes. Honestly. What the hell was he thinking? One minute he is up on cloud nine and the next. Fuck. 

His toffees won’t set. Not that he has a clue about how to make toffee, really, but even Isak has figured this one out. He has 7 minutes on the clock and his toffees are liquid. Fuckety fuck fuck on a fucking hobby horse of fucks. 

‘’Noora!!’’ He stage whispers, to Noora who is casually sat on a stool sipping a cup of tea with her perfect display of traditional sweets in front of her. She raises her hand and just shakes her head. Nope she is not risking a disqualification for helping. OR not helping. Because right now Isak doesn’t trust anyone. 

He shoots a longing glance at Even who is leaning against an empty workbench whilst one of the make-up team is spraying his face with whatever it is they spray peoples faces with. Some kind of misting finishing powder or whatever. 

Isak Valtersen should not give a fuck, because he has nothing invested in this mess of a project. Zero. Well apart from that he did approve it’s funding and budget, and he thinks he kind of signed a load of contracts. He thinks. To be honest the last two weeks have been such a blur that it wouldn't surprise Isak if he walks up and finds his office gone.  _ ‘’You resigned? You don’t remember? You are now permanently employed as some kind of low life filler contestant on whatever show Elias approves of. See? Look you signed your new contract right here?’ _ ’

Isak shudders with that uncomfortable feeling that is back in his stomach, making his guts twist and his nerves misbehave. He is sweating and if he bends over he might throw up. Not that he will. His arse is stinging and his eyes are stinging and Isak Valtersen will not be crying on TV over some fucking arsetwatting toffees. It’s a lost cause, he knows that. There simply isn’t enough time to scrape the little fuckers back out of the wrappers and get what is left of the mixture back in a pan and on full heat so he can boil them up for another couple of hours. And anyway he hates toffees. Hates them with a passion.

‘’Oh Baby…’’ Eskild sings over his shoulder, looking down at the tray where toffee mixture is bathing in a random mixture of colorful festive wrapping papers. Because everything is leaking. 

‘’Yup.’’ Isak snivels. ‘’I’m fucked.’’

‘’ I sure hope you are.’’ Eskild snickers.’’Everyone benefits from a good regular fucking. It releases all those lovely little endorphins and it’s proven to be good both for regular exercise and improving people's general health.’’

Isak just stares at him. He can’t quite deal with Eskild today, because today is proving to be just that. A little too much, and if Isak is very honest with himself, getting Even by the collar and forcing him into any old random taxi so they can get home and in bed and Even could get them both naked and then he could fuck Isak into kingdom come, that  _ would _ probably help. Alot. At least it would calm Isak down enough that he would know how to deal with things, because right now he just stands there and stares at the bloody toffees like they are supposed to magically transform themselves back into perfect firm chewy little delicacies. 

‘’And Action!’’

Isak hadn’t even noticed, and he has to take a quick jump to the side so he’s back in his spot, the orange markings on the floor neatly outlining his feet. 

He can’t even concentrate as Even waffles on about whatever rubbish script they’ve made him churn out. He grimaces when Chris is the first one up to show off her tray of sweets. He can’t even look when the judges praise Noora for her delights. Isak is fucked. Herman rightly tells him so, without even a twinkle of humour in his voice, whilst Sonja keeps her mouth shut and just glares at him.

Things lighten up a little bit for the technical, and Isak pulls off his gingerbread dough. They also pull a fast on on the audience as their doughs are replaced with ready made substitutes for the showcase challenge, as Sonja loudly exclaims that they won't be judged on the taste of the houses, only on construction, style and flair. It’s a bloody joke, but that’s how things work these days. Fake fake fake. Anything that can be faked is faked in the name of money, time and studio space. 

He can barely walk by the time he stumbles out of the studio in time to set off on a very uncivilized jog towards Emi’s nursery, his hands having to hold his hood in place to stop the icy gusts of wind from hitting his face full on. It’s fucking cold, even Emi shivers in his arms when they make it back outside, finding the pram neatly packed with Sara’s signature storage bags underneath. She’s been shopping. Again. 

‘’Mamma found clothes’’ Emi declares and sneezes into Isak’s cheek, sprinkling him with a good dose of Daycare bacteria and viruses, which will no doubt have them both barred from nursery within days. 

‘’Snot!’’ Emi squeals. ‘’Pappa all snotty!’’

Yeah. Parenting is attractive. And that’s another thing he needs to tell Sara, to back off about the bloody clothes. Isak is fully capable of providing clothes for their daughter, yet Sara insists on buying everything in doubles so Isak can dress her in the posh designer shite she insists on buying. Stuff that Isak shoves at the back of the wardrobe and only unpacks if it’s an emergency. The rest of the time Emi wears sensible playwear that he buys from H&M in bulk. Buy 3 pay for 2 cotton pieces he can shove into the washing machine and not worry if they get ruined.

They still make it home in one piece, Emi the wrong way around in the pram talking nonsense about Lego, and Isak reluctantly gives in to YouTube, only to have to rein in a full temper tantrum when he can’t make the YouTube shite play on the TV like ‘Uncle Eben’ does. Because bloody Even isn’t there to rescue him, because of some work thing he has on tonight and somehow Isak feels like he’s lost a limb. He misses him. He misses the quiet hum of having another person around. He misses the random touches as they pass, just a little squidge of a hand on his arm. A soft pat of his bum. A kiss on his cheek. He misses everything.

‘’Uncle EBEN!!’’ Emi shouts, snotty tears running down her face. ‘’Uncle Eben tootube. Kitty go baarrrff.’’

It’s probably mere minutes before the neighbours will call the police, and Isak ends up on the sofa with Emi hiccuping herself to sleep without having brushed her teeth and Isak’s phone firmly on some YouTube monstrosity of a film clip playing on repeat. He’s a shit father. Totally shit. 

His whole body is shivering with exhaustion when he finally manages to get her into bed, without waking up and screaming in his face. She’s overtired and emotional, and probably drained from both her parents being pathetically unstable. He needs to get himself under control again, and he honestly needs to sit down and talk to Sara about not being overdramatic around Emi. Not buying fucking designer clothes they can’t really afford. Twice. And because he knows how she gets, she panic-buys shite when she’s upset and it’s obvious that right now it’s upsetting their daughter. 

Not that Isak is any better, being all snappy and irritated when he full well knows that it’s just because he needs Even. And all those promises he made himself about not getting into another relationship and never depending on another person again? Well that was all lies. LIES LIES LIES. He almost wants to scream at himself as he steps into the shower and let’s his hand longingly trace over the small bottle of shower gel that Even has obviously found a home for in his shower. He opens the lid, feeling a tiny pang of guilt for touching it in the first place, but whatever. He sniffs it carefully, letting the scent overwhelm him. It’s strong and soft and perfect. It smells like Even and his whole body seems to relax with relief. 

His hands seem to find a life of their own, slowly stroking up and down his chest, his fingers pinching his nipples as they move past, then his fingertips slowly rub the dark area around his hardened buds, giving himself goosebumps with pleasure whilst the hot water sloshes over his skin.

He rarely does this, especially when Emi’s around, but today has been a mess and he just needs to give himself something. A little break. 

He should probably have eaten, he can feel his blood sugar crashing, as he briefly tries to remember what he ate for lunch, whilst his hand finds his balls, slowly fondling them in the palm of his hand whilst his other hand finds his lips, just tracing the opening of his mouth. He licks his own fingers, making the tips as wet as he can before moving his other hand to slowly stroke his cock. Soft, yet firm movements over the crown, moving his foreskin up and down with little twists, just the way he likes it. Just the way Even does it. Because Even knows how to make Isak hard, and that is a marvellous thought in itself. Even’s voice on loop in Isak’s head, whispering little words of dirty promises, whilst Isak’s wet fingers snake behind his back, slowly rubbing against his hole. He’s never done this on his own. Never even contemplated sticking anything up his arse, but knowing what he knows now, he’s not sure he could even make himself come without something probing his insides. 

The first finger slowly makes itself a warm snug little home in his passage and he squirms with the awkward angle of trying to make this work, whilst his other hand rhythmically pumps his own cock to the sound of the water splashing the tiles around his feet. He hopes Emi is still asleep. He hopes Even is coming home. He hopes he can make this work. He hopes he can find a way of not being so nervous. He loves this. He loves sex. He needs. Fuck he needs so fucking much!

‘’Fuck me.’’ His mouth whispers. ‘’Fuck me hard.’’

It’s nothing like the feeling of having Even inside him, nothing like being filled up, feeling so full that he struggles to breathe. It’s a weird sensation, the pain dancing through his nerve endings, fighting the urge to push out the intrusion, wanting to get away yet almost panicking trying to get closer. His hand flies over his length, the water adding to the sensation and his passage softening under the onslaught of his fingers. He can’t reach the good bit, the little gland that makes his head explode, but he can feel it building. The tingling and warmth in his stomach building whilst he closes his eyes and lets his mouth fall open, water sloshing randomly over his face as he lets himself go. His orgasm crashes into him, making his feet stumble backwards until the glass screen creaks unnervingly under the weight of his body, his hand still stroking his skin through the last throes of coming, white stripes of spunk instantly disappearing down the drain, blended into nothing with the water. 

He should feel guilty. He should be shuddering with nervous fear. He has a boyfriend and he shouldn't need to wank. Should he? Or maybe he should. He wonders if Even wanks, if he needs it despite getting some with Isak. He wonders if there is someone else Even thinks about when he makes himself come on his own. 

His face is flushed, well the little he can make out of himself in the steamed up mirror. He doesn’t really want to look at himself right now, wiping his fingers clean on the towel. Then washing them thoroughly in the sink, with soap, and throwing the towel in the laundry basket. Honestly, he’s just had his fingers up his arse, and then wiped them on the towel? He’s fucking disgusting. Well not really. He liked it. His cock liked it. So if he liked it and it makes him come then whatever. 

There’s a nervous giggle spilling out of his mouth as he walks around the apartment, stark naked, picking up random pieces of clothing and trying to gather his thoughts. He checks on Emi, who snores like a trucker, thinking maybe he should try to brush her teeth in her sleep, but the sheer thought of her waking up and throwing herself into another Uncle Eben infused tantrum makes him shiver. 

Instead he just stands there, stark naked and wonders what the hell he used to do with himself in the evenings before he met Even. Before he had someone who came home and practically kidnapped the spare side of his bed and moved his wankfest-inducing shower gel into the bathroom and gave Isak all these ideas of being normal. Of being one of those people who likes sex. One of those people who wank in the shower and hope that their gorgeous inhumanely wonderful beast of a boyfriend who has a cock that he likes to fuck Isak with, would hurry the fuck up and come home so Isak can feel human again. 

‘’I miss you.’’ He whispers into thin air. 

He hopes Even misses him too. 

  
  
  
  



	23. TWENTY THREE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Simon for the gorgeous Oslo photos. xxx

Jealousy is a new emotion Isak has added to his repertoire. It’s something he hadn't fully grasped before he met Even. Even who stands over by the monitors, laughing at something Sonja is retelling whilst Elias shakes his head and points at the screen in front of him. Whilst Isak rages in some irrational fear of rejection. He has no reason to. Not even when Sonja’s laughter had rung out in the street the other night, obviously she had shared a taxi with Even, and made sure he got home ok but Isak had still sulked with jealousy. Pretended to be asleep when he clearly wasn't, then grabbed his daughter and moved them all around so he could spoon his body into Even’s. So he could just lie there and feel Even’s body curl around him , arms gently holding on to Isak’s body whilst Even’s champagne fuelled snores echoed in the bedroom. He has no reason to be jealous, yet any time Even is not fully focusing on him, whenever someone else gets to bask in Even’s attention, Isak's pathetic little heart fills with fear and dread and anger. He somehow likes it. He likes that he belongs. He likes that Even belongs to him. Because Isak has never been so sure of anything in his life. Even. Belongs. To. Him.

They had dropped Emi at nursery this morning, Even charming the staff with his usual self, full of smiles and warmth and giving Emi a hug before grabbing Isak’s hand, like it was the most normal thing in the world. Two blokes in full winter gear holding hands as they walked briskly towards the built up Barcode area where the studio was already in full shooting mode.

They had finished filming the eviction scenes, sending Vilde home in a flurry of tears leaving Isak reeling with relief, yet despair, and despite Magnus best efforts of reining in Noora’s perfekt streak with his ban on using bowls in any shape or form, Noora had proudly taken the Champion baker title, and in the same breath imposed a ban on Eskild using an oven for the next episode. She had almost cried when Even had gone straight into announcing “Waffle week” making Eskild cry with relief. He had even cried the fourth time they filmed it, where Elias was fistbumping Even across the screen and Isak is exhausted before they have even begun baking. He has been changed into a new set of clothes, and is ready to go on. Waffle week it is.

He thinks he pulls it off, churning out perfectly golden Fattigman, whilst the whole studio smells of the strull they had perfected earlier. His showcase waffles should be fine. Well Eskild is seriously unhappy with his efforts but at least he is hanging in there, and cheers up no end after Elias sneaks over to give him a hug. Which kind of gives Isak an opening. Because he is going to do this. Be a good person. Be kind. Actually care about the people who so selflessly care about him without getting anything back. Because people have been kind to Isak. Very kind. He hasn’t had anyone say a bad word to him this week, despite the week he has had. The gossip and lies that no doubt are still making the rounds.

“Eskild?” Isak tries to stage whisper. Because he doesn't really want to gossip. He doesn't want to be that person.

“What?” Eskild sings back, burying his face in the arranging of avocado slices in his edible rainbow waffle display. 

“I was wondering.” He says quietly.

“If you are asking advice of the sexual nature, I can offer to show you some very educational links available with a quick search on the world wide web.

“Eskild” Isak sings back. He can’t help it, he kind of mimics Eskild down to the hand on his hip and it makes them both laugh. Because Eskild is Eskild and Isak is Isak and it’s just a little ridiculous. Honestly.

“What do you want to know?” Eskild smiles. “ You know you can ask me anything, I mean it is very hard to even make me blush. I have extended knowledge of everything gay and can give you the low down on everything from the best brand of lube to where to get hold of the new Chanel handbag. You know the “Lisa”. The one with the little rainbow hanging of the clasp. It’s marvellous. I need one, just to keep on the shelf by the door and admire. Not that I use a handbag, but it’s so fabulous that I think I could get away with it as a man bag. What do you think Isak? Would you be offended by a Man-Bag?”

“Can I ask my question?” Isak pretends to be bored and offended whilst secretly he is not. Because Eskild is always entertaining, even when he rambles.

“ My baby bi boy. “ Eskild blows him a kiss. “ Ask away my little unicorn.”

“I’m not bi.” Isak says, crossing his arms over his chest.

“ I’m not straight.” Eskild replies without missing a beat. “ Does it matter?”

“ Nope” Isak replies and his laughter is almost natural. Because does it? Nothing matters. Apart from Even. Emi. Even Sara. And his friends. He thinks he’s got a few people who are his friends.

“What do you need Isak?” Eskild has stopped working, despite the cameras rolling over by Magnus workstation, where he is producing crisp waffles whilst chatting about his musical influences with Herman, whilst Even nods enthusiastically holding up a waffle heart to the camera.

“ You know Elias goes on these Wednesday dates, where you can’t contact him and he’s kind of made it out to be a big thing.”

“Mmmm. Wednesday nights are Wednesday nights. A bit like fight club. First rule about fight club. You don’t talk about fight club. Did you see the film? Brad Pitt. He’s yum in it. All those sweaty bodies all over Brad Pitt. Very enlightening.”

“Eskild.” Isak whines, looking over his shoulder to ensure they are not on camera. “ Who is he dating?”

For the first time in his life Eskild seems to blush.

“ I mean, I’m not being a gossip or anything" Isak continues. " I just thought since Elias is a friend and I realized I don’t know who he is dating which feels a bit shit, because as a friend I should know these things shouldn’t I?” Yeah now Isak is rambling.

“ Have you asked Elias?” Eskild sasses, with a knowing smile on his face.

“ No. We work together. We don’t sit around and discuss our private lives over coffee.” Isak tries to sound kind, but it's frightening how easy it is to slip back into being snarky. He shouldn’t. 

“Isak. My sweet innocent boy. Who do you think he sees every Wednesday night? Who do you think it is who puts that spring in his step? Who do you think it is who adores that boy to the point of giving up all the other gorgeous men just lining up to get a taste of all this?” Eskild does his little twirl again, letting his hands shimmy down his body with a wink and a curtsey.

“I don’t know?” Isak almost whispers. “ I know I’m a crap friend, but he doesn’t tell me and I don’t ask?” He feels like an idiot. Like there is something he should be getting when he doesn’t. He doesn’t get it at all.

“I met this guy once. Let’s say he was a friend of a friend. Did nothing for me. Attitude and all that cropped shaved hair, and thinking he was some kind of big wig gangster type when I could see right through him. He was scared, and he was desperate, and he was needy as anything, but he didn’t dare to just step out of his comfort zone and grab it. A little bit like you my darling little unicorn. I took him home with me under the lame promises of letting him fix my vintage boombox stereo in return of a blowjob. You see, I was pretending to be a right slut, when I was just too intrigued to let him go. Turns out I never got to show him my boom box. I had my cock down his throat before we even had our shoes off, and …..”

“Eskild…” Isak whines. “ I don’t want to know.”

“I think you do. You asked. Remember? And the boom box….”

“I didn’t ask for a blow by blow account of your sex life.”

“Cut!” Elias voice rings out in the background. “Eskild, Isak, can you please at least pretend to be doing something with those waffle makers?”

“Darling, for you? Anything.” Eskild blows a kiss across the room and Elias smiles like the heavens have just opened and Isak finally let’s the penny drop.

“Fuck Eskild. “

“ Yes. I fell in love. Head over heels with that boy. He blew me to the point of me passing out in ecstasy, then he fell asleep in my arms and I woke up the next morning and realized that I never wanted him to leave. It was ridiculous, but he made me smile. He made me feel safe. He didn’t ridicule the mostly ridiculous person that I am, instead he just held me and told me that I was me and to never ever change. Not for anyone, because he said I made him happy. That I lit up his world and reminded him that he didn’t have to take everything so seriously. That sometimes it was OK just to be a little ridiculous. To let his life sparkle. And I can tell you, my life has never been the same. He makes me happy Isak. He loves me, and I love him and together we just exist in a little cloud of fairy dust, and that’s what happens every Wednesday. We lie in bed and let the world fade out for a little while. It’s the best. The absolute bloody fucking best. And there is usually fucking involved too in case you were wondering. “

“You and Elias?” Isak is smiling so hard that he starts to question his sanity. Seriously?

“I love him.” Eskild says, and he is beaming.

“Who do you love?” Elias smiles and sneaks a kiss on Eskild’s cheek. Letting his arm snake around his waist whilst Eskild giggles like a small child.

“You, my little cupcake.”

It’s sickening. It’s sweet. It’s oddly everything Isak has ever dreamed of. Love found in the most unlikely places. Happiness in a cloud of fairy dust.

“Do your parents know?” Isak blurts out, smiling like he can’t stop himself.

“ Of course.” Elias giggles, with a little blush on his face. “ I came out to my parents when I was fourteen, it’s never been an issue. They are cool. Why do you think my Mum dresses so well these days? “

The laughter continues. And Isak laughs back. Smiles into his waffle maker and carelessly throws a burnt waffle in the bin. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Because what does a burnt waffle matter when everything else in your life is going well? When you wake up in the morning with your baby girl in your arms? When you walk into your kitchen and find the most handsome man in the world making you a cup of coffee? When said most handsome man suddenly stands there right in front of you, meeting your gaze and winking? Whispering that he loves you. That you are all he will ever need. All he ever wanted. That you are beautiful and gorgeous and make him happy? What does anything matter when you are happy yourself?

He can’t even make his brain find an answer for that. But happy. He is happy. And _that_ matters.


	24. TWENTY FOUR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas you awesome people! Hope that today brings you joy and that you are all snuggled up with your loved ones. Big hugs to everyone for reading and trailing along with us on this little adventure. It has been an absolute joy to write and I hope that you have enjoyed it as much as Lovethem2121 and I have enjoyed creating this fic for you! One more chapter tomorrow! Big kiss !! S and L xxxx

SARA: Will you let me have Emi on Christmas Eve? I want to go home to my parents, and just sit and eat my own weight in cake and sweets and watch crap. I want Emi with me. Please.

ISAK: I don’t even know what I am doing. Have you talked to your Mum about it?

SARA: She wants us all to be there, even you. She asked if you were coming. I don’t mind if you want to come.

ISAK: I don’t really want to sit and get evil stares from your family on Christmas Eve. Your sister said she would beat me up if I ever went near her, remember?

SARA: She didn’t mean it. You had left me, and I was pissed off and heartbroken. She’s my sister, it’s her job to threaten to break your balls if you hurt me.

ISAK: I’m sorry.

SARA: Stop apologizing. It’s starting to piss me off. We broke up, and that was a good thing because we were no good for eachother, but I am so fucking proud of us, because we have come out the other end talking, and I mean, none of my other friends who have separated are even talking to their exes and here you and I are, and we are talking. We are talking more than we ever did, and I don’t even get angry when I see your name on the screen. That’s progress babe.

ISAK: We are doing good. Thank you for saying that. Can I talk to Even and see what his plans are? Would you maybe come here on Christmas morning and we can have a coffee and play with Emi and see if we can just make it special for her? Then you could take her over to your parents in the afternoon in time for Donald Duck? I suppose I need to go and see my parents too, so it could work?

SARA: That could work.

ISAK: You know I love you, don’t you?

SARA: I do know. I love you too. I just don’t want to have sex with you anymore.

ISAK: I don’t want to have sex with you either. Just for the record.

SARA: Heart Emoji

ISAK: Were good.

SARA: Were fine.

ISAK: Talk later.

Isak Valtersen gets eliminated.

He gets kicked off, Even’s voice still beaming with pride announcing his departure, whilst Isak is surrounded in a flurry of hugs and backslaps and whispered words of support and he even manages to produce something that looks like a tear appearing in the corner of his eye, expertly caught by the camera. It’s not that his waffles were bad. It’s not that his fattigman were a little over done. It’s not really anything he did, it’s just the way things work, even though the finished episode no doubt will be angled in such a way that he will look like he completely failed, epically and spectacularly at the task in hand. He had one job. One small job. He should stand there thinking he has failed, but he just laughs. And he even agrees, when Elias asks him to film some quick fillers of him dropping a baking tray and pretending to look flustered running across the studio in a flurry of flour almost bursting into giggles when Elias shouts “Look stressed Isak, your place in this competition depends on this!!”. Whilst Isak turns around and gives him the finger. He’s already out. He’s gone. And it’s OK.

He will miss this. He never thought he would, but he will. The laughter. The friendships. The people, the lovely lovely people down here on the studio floor. Strangers who turn up and move around eachother in a well-rehearsed dance of routines, producing all the footage needed for the people upstairs in editing to wave their magic over, half of their efforts carelessly ending up on the cutting room floor whilst the public marvels at the result. It’s a job. A game. A way of life, and Isak strangely loves it.

Eva wraps him up in a hug, squeezes him like she never wants to let him go. ‘Don’t be a stranger,’ she whispers, her voice buried in Isak’s hair. ‘Elias mentioned the morning show needs a new floor manager. Just to let you know I am more than able. And willing. Should you need me. “

He doesn’t ask about Jonas Vasquez, having already seen the pictures on Eva’s Instagram. The two of them are cute, and for once Isak can happily admit that he enjoys checking up his social media. His own official Hele Norge Baker Instagram is now populated with charming pictures, baked goods and Christmas cheer that he just laughs at, shooting a smile over to the social media girls who wave at him. He’s already been roped in to go to the TV3 Queer thing next week, and he has said yes. Willingly. They are nice girls, and Even has promised to come, if they are not filming late.

They are taking Emi bowling on Saturday, with Magnus and his son. Where he would have normally dreaded things like that, he is strangely excited at thought of hanging out with the guy. He’s fun. Loud. Easy.

Isak walks home in a haze, Letting Even carry Emi on his shoulders as Isak pushes the pram through the thick layer of snow coating the sidewalk. It will probably all melt, then fall again, before Christmas truly takes Oslo under its spell. He reaches out and just lets his gloved hand trail down Even’s arm, stopping them there on the sidewalk.

“What happens now Even?” He questions, suddenly feeling very small. Unsure of himself. Questioning everything he knows as the man, this man, the man he is starting to adore, every second making him more and more weak in the knees as Even bends down and places a soft kiss on his lips, right there on the busy sidewalk whilst Emi squeals with delight at the angle she is at, half falling off Even’s shoulders as he jumps around to get her safety back up straight on his shoulders.

“What happens now? What do you mean?” Even questions.

“I won’t be working with you tomorrow. Then in a few days filming in finished. What happens now Even?”

Even turns around, stops firmly in the snow and takes one hand off Emi’s legs so he can adjust Isak’s beanie. Carefully stroking a strand of hair out of his eye.

“What happens now, is that you and I get to live. We are going to figure out how to live together and laugh together and how to love each other. We are going to make this work, and I am going to love you. That is what is going to happen. “

“That sounds a little like a fairy-tale,” Isak laughs.

“ Well, it is a fairy-tale, isn’t it? Spotty useless shy teenager falls in love with a beautiful boy who doesn’t even notice him, and the beautiful boy promptly forgets that said teenager exists. Then the beautiful boy grows up into a gorgeous man, and re-evaluates everything he knows, and lets the shy teenager, who has now grown into a bit of a mess of a man, well, anyway, the mess of a man gets to kiss his prince and they both become kings of their own little kingdom. And what happens next Isak?”

“They all live happily ever after?” Isak laughs.

“ They do indeed.” Even winks. “ Well, the messy king, King Even.”

“King Eben”. Emi says, curling her body around Eben’s head so she can look at his face. “King Eben.”

“Yup Emi, I’m King Even.”

“King Papap!!” She shrieks and laughs at Isak who can’t help himself leaning up and placing his lips on her cold cheek.

“Princess Emi.” He whispers, as Emi goes off in a full on fairy-tale, rattling off something he doesn’t quite take in.

“King Even needs to work,” Even says sternly, “I have a few jobs booked, but I will be back home for Christmas. I am going to go to my parents on the 23rd and then we all usually go up to my sisters hytte for the 24th. It’s tradition, and I need to be there. I wouldn’t want be anywhere else, it’s truly magical. The hytte is amazing, with views into the forrest, and my family will all be there. You would love it. Please come. Please come with me. Bring Emi. Bring Sara. Just come. Because I want to be with you at Christmas. I want to hold your hand and kiss you and give you some silly little presents and just know that I’m ok. That you are ok. That we’re us. I want that.”

“I want to be with you too. I’ll take Emi up to see my parents on the 23rd, but Emi needs her family too, and you are her family. Can I talk to Sara and see what we can work out? Because I need to be with you. I don’t want to be alone at Christmas.”

“You won’t be.” Even whispers. “Because you will have me. Right there next to you, wherever you are. Because I love you, and you are mine, and wherever you will be I will be there with you. Promise.”

Isak doesn’t answer that. He just presses his mouth against Even’s lips and lets himself be kissed.

And the snow falls around them on the street as Emi shouts that she has snowflakes in her eyes and can she have ice-cream?

Even says she can. That she is obviously a Royal Ice-princess and if she’s a good girl they will stop by the co-op and get her an ice cream. Because she can be anything she wants to be and Even will get her anything she wants because she is his little Ice Princess and he loves her.

And Isak thinks if he could change his life, he wouldn’t change a thing. Because through everything, the good and the bad he’s ended up here. He wouldn’t change a thing. He wouldn’t swap his life for anything. He’s good. Right here right now, things are perfect.

***

Four weeks later Isak and Emi sit on the sofa watching the finale of Hele Norge Baker, the coffee table in front of them bulging with candles nesting in pine and greenery, a large real christmas tree covered in rustic decorations dominating the room. Even and Emi bought it, and decorated it all on their own on a friday, spending time together whilst Isak had worked. They had let him chose some decorations though, at the christmas market, whilst Emi pointed out her favourites and Even held his hand. It had been perfect. Yet here they are watching the finale of the show on their own.

It doesn’t feel real. Almost like he is watching someone else on the screen, a bunch of strangers who he has no connection with, despite the texting in their group chat, where all of them are now doing live commentary, the banter quick and sarcastic, praising each other’s effort and laughing at the obvious angling in the finale to gear the public up to the winner being Sana. It’s a perfect lead up, Sana’s face filling the screen when her final platter of biscuits is presented to the judges, all 7 varieties, in 12 perfectly formed mouth-watering pieces each, filling the screen on her rustic plate. Then the camera panning to Magnus and his display of perfection, his face already showing of his confidence in being the winner. It is Noora who of course takes the crown, breaking down in tears when her name is announced and Isak cheers, tears forming in the corner of his eyes as he claps at the TV, although it’s just him and Emi. It’s pathetic, being so involved in something they are watching on tv, but despite his detachment, he loves these people. Dearly.

Eskild has just filled the TV screen with rainbows and glitter whilst shouting “Didn’t I say I was going to make Christmas fabulous?” Whilst the group chat explodes with gif’s of unicorns and strange coloured cakes in his honour. Isak sends one too. Because why not. Eskild calls him his little special Unicorn, which he supposes is a step up from his last nickname, and anyway. He loves Eskild. Truly.

He’s formed an unlikely friendship with Magnus, and Dad-Sundays are becoming a thing. He’s had dinner with Eva and Jonas. He’s friends with Vilde on FaceBook. Sara is friends with Vilde on FaceBook. It’s fine. It’s his life.

“Pappapapap” Emi sighs next to him and snuggles onto his lap.

“You OK baby princess?” He coos, snuggling his face into her curls.

“Eben” She says, her face looking sad.

“I miss him too.” He replies, squeezing her a little tighter. “ I miss him more than anything.”

***

ISAK: I can’t believe you set me up.

ELIAS: I can’t believe you fell for it.

ISAK: I didn’t fall for anything. I was clueless, yes, but, No. I didn’t fall for it.

ELIAS: Of course you did. I mean, come on. I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist Even. I mean he’s Even. And he is awesome. Admit it.

ISAK: I admit that, he’s awesome. And he is mine. Back off.

ELIAS: WHoaa. I’ve known Even since I was 12. Kissing him would be like kissing my dad. Or something. Ugh.

ISAK: You’ve got your own man. Stop talking about kissing mine.

ELIAS: So possessive you are. Don’t worry, I know who my Daddy is.

ISAK: I don’t want to know about your sex life.

ELIAS: Yes you do. Eskild shows me all your texts, I mean my Daddy knows how to make his boy horny. He get’s all riled up chatting to you and then he just has to get me over his lap and give me a good spanking.

ISAK: FFS ELIAS. Emi is right here.

ELIAS: Then stop texting me. I’m going to go and blow my gorgeous man.

ISAK: I still didn’t fall for anything.

ELIAS: Isak. Face it. I managed to get you to go on a baking show. I managed to weasel my fiancée and sister on to the show just so I could get you to realize that you had options. I had a best friend, who deserved to get the man of his dreams. I had a friend who deserved to be that man of his dreams. Easy. I pulled it off, and I’m awesome.

ISAK: That, my friend, you are.

ELIAS: See. I totally pulled it off, and you fell for it. Hook. Line and sinker. And look at you now, you are fucking happy. I rate this as one of my greatest achievements.

ISAK: So bloody smug. Ok. Ok. I admit it. I fell for it. And I hate to admit it, but thank you. Thank you for trying, and for being Even’s friend. He adores you, you should know that.

ELIAS: Of course he does. I’m awesome.

ISAK: That, my friend, you are.

***

He’s hated the last two weeks, despite knowing he has survived almost his whole life without the man that now holds his heart. Even has worked in Paris, staying with the designer who kickstarted his modelling career, gushing on the phone over French food, the desinger’s wife Madame Merlo, who treats him like a son, and the campaign he will be fronting in the spring. Then he jetted off to New York for a string of castings and meetings with his agent, a never-ending line of people and places that Isak lost track off by the end of the first day. He’s working hard, whilst Isak is rotting away in his glass office, wishing he was down on the studio floor. Nothing’s the same anymore. It’s like there is an itch in his body that he just can’t scratch.

“Shall we ring him?” Isak asks, grabbing the phone from the coffee table in front of him. “ Shall we see if it’s snowing in New York? “

Emi almost shouts when Even’s face fills the screen, jumping up and down on Isak’s lap and talking non-stop whilst Isak just laughs. Happiness filling his chest as Even bends down, holding up the camera so he can show Emi a little dog he has just encountered on the sidewalk, talking to Emi in soft voices, telling her he will be home soon. That he can’t wait to see her. Asking if she has opened her advent calendar, and if she is saving the last chocolate just for him. Laughs gently as Isak let's Emi take the phone over to show her latest addition to her maybe not so educational advent calendar.

The two of them had spent a whole evening building, and then carefully taking a Lego set apart and wrapping each piece in a colourful parcel, waking every morning to help Emi build another section of her Ice princess castle. It’s a thing. It’s their thing. Even Sara was on board, carefully transporting the castle back to the house when Emi went back home for the week. It’s a thing. It’s a family thing. A happiness thing. A love thing.

***

Even comes back. Of course he does. And Isak is waiting right outside customs at Gardemoen, with Emi jumping up and down in the pushchair at the sight of Even walking nervously through the doors. Like he would ever doubt that Isak would let him take a taxi back on his own. Like Isak would let him get the airport train on his own. He has promised Emi to go on the train back. Even has promised to go on the train, as long as Emi will hold his hand. He throws himself into Isak's arms and Isak doesn't let go, breathing in the scents and the skin and the warmth and everything that Even is, like he has been starving. Well it's the truth. He missed this man more than he ever thought he could. 

And now here he is, curled up against a warm naked body in a rickety wooden bed from another century. The curtain-less windows overlooking darkness and snowflakes slowly gathering on the windowsill, the distant rustle of treebranches heard over the soft breath of Even's against his shoulder. 

The hytte is amazing, old and freezing cold, but full of Christmas and family and hugs. Full of musty smelling old blankets and mugs with patterns from a bygone era. Full of hope and dreams and things to come. Because Isak is lying here thinking he wants to come back. Bring Emi up for a weekend. Ask his Dad if he want's to tag along for a weekend of mushroom gathering in the autumn. He thinks Magnus would love this. His son would have a blast running around in the dense forrest, hiding in the old fambuildings across the field. He wonders if Sara would come. Just have a summer's weekend, where they could all just be a family. Perhaps a missmatched unconventionally set up family, but nether the less, they are family. 

He pulls the blankets further up and folds the edge carefully under Even's chin, letting his lips press a kiss on his forehead. 

"Go to sleep baby." Even whispers. "Long day tomorrow, Christmas tree to fell and you promised Mum to make her Fattigman before breakfast. She has everything set up in the kitchen. So stop thinking so hard and go to sleep."

"I'm not thinking too hard." Isak sulks. Pretend sulks. Because he can't stop smiling in the dark. 

"I can hear your brain chugging away. Just stop thinking or else I might have to blow you again and you will wake everyone up with all that loud panting you do."

"Shut up Even." Isak whispers, trying to swallow down the laughter sitting in his throat. 

"That's it. You're getting another blow job. " And there goes the bedposts, the whole room shaking as Even burrows down under the blankets, his hand already fondling Isak's balls, whilst the bed creaks alarmingly with every movement.

"I'll never be able to look your parents in the eye again if you don't stop..." Isak moans.

"Not stopping." Even whispers and licks a little line up Isak's cock. Yeah. It's not going to end well. The throaty panting already escaping from Isak's mouth. The smile on his face pretty much permanent. 

Maybe it's a new thing. All this smiling. All this happiness. All this sex.

"I love you." Isak whispers. It almost sounds alien coming out of his mouth, but he means it. Every word. "I love you Even. Fuck. I love you so much."

Maybe it's just a Christmas thing. A fairy tale thing. A love thing. And Isak thinks that just maybe, it’s his thing. Maybe it’s just an Isak Valtersen thing. An Even thing. An Emi thing. Even a Sara thing. Whatever it is, it’s all his, and he loves it.


	25. TWENTY FIVE

“Emi!!!” Sara shouts, running down the stairs into the large empty floodlit area that will become the main restaurant floor. “Mummy is going to find you! You can’t hide forever!!”

She knows full well where Emi is hiding, having taken up residence in one of the many very large cardboard boxes littering the restaurant, and Sara is just playing along, delaying the inevitable crash when Emi will burst out of the cardboard box, shouting and screaming until Sara catches her and wraps her up in a hug.

“I’m coming to get you.” Sara laughs and lowers herself down on the rustic wooden floor. She gets tired easily these days and has to take frequent breaks to sit down. Isak still gets all soft watching her, the memories of her being pregnant with Emi flooding over him. She was beautiful when she carried Emi, and looking at her now, her rounded belly held in her wrap dress, she’s stunning. A little bit older, and a little bit wiser, she is still his Sara.

Not that he says that out loud. She doesn’t belong to him anymore, and he’s glad. She belongs to the stocky man who is fitting the electrics in the new kitchen area, Peter, the kindest man Isak has ever met. Patient and with a burly laugh, he might not win any supermodel of the year competitions, but Isak can clearly admit that he adores the man who now calls Sara his wife.

Not that it has been easy. Not that there hasn’t been unkind words and disagreements, but they have kept their promise. Team Emi. It’s always about Emi. And now their little family is steadily growing. And Isak laughs as he let’s himself think the thoughts. Life is never going to be the same again.

It never was after the damn baking show. Isak signed his resignation a year later, as he just couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t sit in his damn glass cage, watching the numbers flick on his screen, when there was a whole life out there that he felt he was missing out on. He signed the paperwork and walked out of the TV3 building a free man. Not that he was free in any sense of the word. He had married his husband the week before, and they had bought an empty building. Which was total madness, but at the same time it was fate.

Even’s parents had once owned that building, a rustic house with a run-down restaurant on the ground floor. The Bech Næsheims had sold it when they retired, only for the new owners to let it fall into disrepair. It was theirs now, It was Even’s childhood room that now had sparkling pink wallpaper and a big girly bed in the middle. She still slept in their bed most nights. Curled up in a ball with her arms around her brother. Because they are a family. A family of four. Plus 2. Soon to be 3. Even and Isak. Emi and Tobias. Sara and Peter and the bump. He smiles as he watches Tobias emerge from one of the boxes, squealing with laughter as Sara catches him in a hug. Tobias. The tiny raven-haired boy that had become theirs on a cold winter’s day just before Christmas. A small terrified child who had never known life as he should have. A little boy with a mother who had chosen drugs over motherhood and left a tiny child to fend for himself, bouncing around in foster care until the day Isak had had a phone call from a distraught Even, an Even who was stuck at an airport in some godforsaken part of the world, tired and weary after a long photoshoot, aching to come home. He had cried and snuffled, barely coherent, but he had managed to get the message across. They had a little boy lined up and they were going to be his forever parents. If they wanted him. If they would take him on.

And Isak had no doubt in his mind that they would. They had applied, undergone the training. Been scrutinized and tried and tested until Even almost had a breakdown. He was strong, stronger than he realized and he had Isak. They could do this. Of course they could, not that they hadn’t doubted themselves, and thought about throwing in the towel. Maybe this was wrong. Maybe Even wasn’t brave enough, maybe Isak wasn’t patient enough. Until they both agreed that they should fight for it. They wanted a family, and they would be a family. For Even it had been the push he had needed, the start of a new page where he said learned to say no. No to jobs, no to castings, no to fruitless auditions. No. No. No. Enough. Instead they had moved in to the flat above the restaurant, and started the renovations, Isak had left his job, and whilst their finances weren’t catastrophic, it had been a stretch. A few months of worry until they got things under control. Where Even carried a small boy on his hip for weeks on end, until the boy stopped looking so distraught. Where Isak burst into tears the first time Tobias said his name. Where Even fell asleep with Emi on his chest and Isak sat up in bed rocking Tobias to sleep.

It hadn’t been a fairy tale of any sorts. It had been a nightmare at times. It had been hard. It had been a disaster.

Isak had promised not to shout. Even had promised not to leave.

They hadn’t kept any of their promises, but they were solid, and that was all that mattered. And they weren’t alone, Sara and Peter had proved their worth. Even’s family had rallied around them. Isak’s Dad had come out of retirement to help, Sara’s sister managed their recruitment, and Magnus Fossbakken was the face of their new advertising campaign. Things had just worked out fine.

Nothing was fine, that was a lie. It was more than fine.

Which makes Isak smile as he looks over at his husband who is talking to someone on the phone, his face etched in shock. It would make Isak worry, if it wasn’t for the calming smile that creeps in as he walks up to the man who he is so very proud to call his husband. The man he loves. He says it all the time now, the words tumbling out of his mouth whenever his brain feels like it. When he needs to say it. When he needs to hear it himself. 

“Thank you very much, and yes, we will see you on Monday.” Even says into the phone, whilst gripping Isak’s arm a little too hard. “Yes, Yes. No problems. Not a problem. Thank you. Bye.”

“What?” Isak says. Even is not calm. He’s nowhere near calm.

“Oh fuck Isak.” Even whispers, tears slowly pooling in the corners of his eyes.

“What baby?” Isak wraps his hands around Even’s face. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“Oh god.” Even sighs and wipes his eyes. “Oh fucking hell.”

“Even” Isak tries, placing a kiss on his husband’s lips.

“Siri turned up at the Labour ward two weeks ago. She hadn’t been clocked for months, and you know she didn’t turn up last time we had Tobias visitation booked in. “

“Yes? I know. What was she doing on the labour ward?”

“She gave birth. To twins. Two little girls. “

“Oh hell.” Isak sighs.

“Exactly.” Even coughs and wipes his eyes again whilst glancing nervously over to where Emi and Tobias are playing with the cardboard boxes, throwing pieces of cardboard at eachother whilst Sara tries to keep them under control.

“Tobias has siblings then.” Isak says calmly.

“Siri won’t be keeping them. She has already signed her parental rights away. “ Even almost whispers. “ She insisted that the twins go to us. She said that’s her only stipulation, that the girls are brought up with their brother. That was social services on the phone, they want us to come in on Monday and talk it through, we will need to be inspected and approved again, but they don’t want the girls to go to a foster home only to be moved here in a few weeks time, so she said they want to push it through as quickly as they can, and have the girls with us in two weeks as long as everything gets approved. They are both going through withdrawal but are responding well to treatment. “

“Fuck.” Isak almost shouts.

“ Don’t shout.” Even whispers.

“ Four kids.”

“Twins. She had to have twins.”

“Twins.” Even laughs almost hysterically.

“Can we do this?” Isak giggles. I mean. It’s ridiculous. His life has never been more ridiculous.

“ Of course we can do this. Were us. King Even and King Isak. How can you even doubt it?”

“I don’t” Even replies and kisses Isak’s lips. “ The man of my dreams. The love of my life. The guy I have loved since he was 15. I’ve got you, so of course we can do this. And we will. I know we will. “

“It’s not like we can say no.” Isak laughs and catches Tobias mid flight as the little boy jumps into his arms.

“Pappa can we go in the back and play with the big dustbins?”

“No baby boy, the big dustbins are full of rubbish now, and that can be dangerous, but if you are a good boy, shall we go and see if there is any food in those big fridges? Peter has them all up and running now, and I have a feeling there might be cake. Shall we go and look?”

“Cake!” Tobias shouts. “Emi, Pappa said we can have cake!!”

“Isak.” Sara tuts. “You know we only have cake and sweets at the weekend.”

“True” Isak laughs and gives Sara’s shoulder a squeeze. “ But for once let’s live a little. Let’s have cake on a Tuesday. Just because we can. Because we are rebels. Because life is too short for rules.”

She laughs at him and he beams back.

“ You are ridiculous. “ She whispers.

“If only you knew.” He laughs. “I am truly ridiculous. We all are. And I love it. “

  
  
***  


Even Bech Næsheim (19) My ultimate Bucket list.

10 Become Isak Valtersen’s best friend.

9 Get a good job

8 Build a house in Mum and Dad's back garden so I never have to move out.

7 Try to get Isak Valtersen to move into my house. (Make it seriously cool.)

6 Have my own home cinema in the house with one of those double sofas you can sleep on.

5 Get an even better job. Working with Isak.

4 Build a massive house where my entire family can live with me. And Isak.

3 Adopt lots of kids. With Isak. Be a family.

2 Kiss Isak.

1 Ask Isak to marry me.

1 2 and 3 can be in any order. I don’t mind. As long as the end result is the same.

  
***

_This story was inspired by the lyrics from Patrik Isakson's Hos dig ar jag underbar._

Hos Dig är jag stark

Hos Dig är jag underbar

Hos Dig har jag allt

Där vågar jag stanna kvar

Men när Du inte ser

När Du inte rör mig

Kan Du ha hittat nån annan? 

Säg nu hur Du ser mig

Jag undrar om Du

Hade kraft o ge Dig av

Eller mod o stanna kvar

Vågat bygga på nåt nytt

Jag undrar om Du

Har kunnat ge och kunnat ta

Kunnat öppna Dig som jag

Vågat vara här och nu

För allt jag kräver är ett svar

När jag tagit slut

När jag inte orkar mer

När rädslan tar vid

Rädslan förstår mig mer

Då kan jag inte se

Kan jag inte röra Dig

Har jag då hittat nån annan?

Säg nu hur Du ser mig

Jag undrar om Du

Hade kraft o ge dig av

Eller mod o stanna kvar

Vågat bygga på nåt nytt

Jag undrar om Du

Har kunnat ge och kunnat ta

Kunnat öppna Dig som jag

Vågat vara här och nu

För allt jag kräver är ett svar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and for all the lovely comments. It's been an absolute pleasure to write this little story for you and I hope you enjoyed it. I could have happily gone on for another 10 chapters, but I think both LoveThem2121 and I need a little fic holiday now! Merry Christmas everyone and see you all next year with more fic madness! 
> 
> Thank you for the amazing visuals. I have loved, as I always do, to work with you L! xxx
> 
> As always, you, the readers, make all the difference. Your kudos comments and messages make writing these stories worthwhile, and motivate us no end, so please keep them coming.

**Author's Note:**

> On a different note, if you remember Little Harbour, the fic? Well the story has had a little makeover, been unSKAMified, hugged, professionally edited, given some love, and has an amazing beautiful cover made by @om_hundre_ar_er_allting on Instagram. The finished novel and is finally released today. It is available as an ebook, Kindle Unlimited or paperback on all Amazon platforms. The link below will take you to your local Amazon site with all the buying options, should you wish to buy a copy. Mybook.to/LittleHarbour
> 
> Sophia Soames is now on Facebook! Come and friend request me there, if you want to hang out or talk or shout at me!


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